Draco's Favour
by Draco-Malfoy-Severus-Luva
Summary: DMHG Draco decides that it would be funny to spill ink all over Hermione's robes. As a result, he gets detention and wants payback so he curses Hermione...He ends up owing her a favour, anything she wants... - Let the fun begin!-
1. Default Chapter

Chapter 1: Draco's Punishment  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any characters or things from Harry Potter (the series created by J.K. Rowling.duh). However, I do own any original characters and stuff I may create on the way to make this story have easier characters to fit into the story without having to research every little thing.  
  
A/N: I'm so excited! This is my first ever Harry Potter fic that I'm not writing for fun out of annoyance! Draco/Hermione, of course, but I can't wait for my first review! Yeah, I know. I sound like a retard. ^-^;;; Well, I hope you enjoy Draco's Favour Chapter 1! Oh yeah. PLEASE READ AND REVIEW ME!!! ALL REVIEWS ARE WELCOME!!! I'll stop wasting your time now.heheh.. -.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.- .-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-  
  
The bright daylight lightened up the winding roads of Hogsmeade, where many Hogwarts students were spending their time shopping for the weekend. Among the large crowd was the Trio nicknamed the Golden trio, shopping at Honeydukes. The trio consisted of Harry Potter, Ronald Weasley (Ron for short) and Hermione Granger.  
  
Harry and Ron were buying as many sweets as they could possibly carry back to the school.  
  
However, Hermione was just leaving Honeydukes with her friend Parvati Patil to go for a Butterbeer at the Three Broomsticks. The pair was discussing Parvati's favourite subject. "cute" guys.  
  
"Tell me, what do you think of Harry?" Parvati asked, "you're lucky, you always have Ron and Harry if you need a boyfriend. Personally, I'm jealous."  
  
"Well don't be. We're just best friends, we'll never be anything more." Hermione assured.  
  
"Well then, what did you think of Viktor?" Parvati basically giggled.  
  
"Sorry, who?" Hermione asked, puzzled.  
  
"You know, Viktor Krum?" Parvati replied in disbelief that Hermione didn't remember the popular Bulgarian quidditch seeker.  
  
"Oh, that Viktor. Well, he's nice, but it never felt like.love." Hermione admitted truthfully.  
  
Just then, a male with sleek white-blonde hair and an egocentric smirk happened to be nearby. Draco Malfoy.  
  
'Well what do we have here? Mudblood and her annoying friend. And I just happened to buy a jar of permanent ink that even all-purpose magical mess remove.hehehe' Draco thought to himself with a smirk.  
  
Draco decided to pretend to examine his new bottle of ink and opened it just as he "accidentally" bumped into Hermione, knocking her over and spilling ink all over her cloak. "Watch it Mudblood." Draco spat with a smirk.  
  
Hermione groaned momentarily before getting up from her spot on the ground and glaring angrily at Draco. "You pushed me down on purpose Malfoy!" Hermione shouted angrily.  
  
Draco put on an innocent looking face and mocked, "Who, me? But I would never do something like that."  
  
Draco gave Hermione a sly smirk. Hermione glared and followed his eyes. A dark liquid was seeping through her cloak and spreading all over her clothes. Hermione's mouth opened and closed in shock, anger, embarrassment, sadness and hurt. No words came out. She could feel tears coming into her eyes out of hurt.  
  
Finally, with all the anger and strength she could gather, Hermione slapped Draco across the face and ran away. She wouldn't allow Malfoy the satisfaction of seeing her cry. Not at something he tried to cause and succeeded in.  
  
Hermione finally plopped down when she was out of breath, far away from the crowd of Hogwarts students. "Why is he so mean to me?" Hermione cried in despair to no one in particular, "and why do I even care?"  
  
Hermione curled up and sobbed uncontrollably into her hands.  
  
***  
  
Draco watched as Hermione fled from him. He didn't know why, because he usually never did, but he felt a small twinge of guilt. Draco shook his head, hmphed and walked away in a snobby manner that suggested that he was very vain. And he was.  
  
"Stupid Mudblood." Draco muttered under his breath.  
  
***  
  
Hermione heard footsteps in the distance, running and coming closer. Parvati, Harry and Ron were coming.  
  
"Hey Mione, Parvati told us what happened." Harry smiled sympathetically, patting Hermione's arm.  
  
"It wasn't an accident, obviously." Hermione grumbled, still keeping her head in her arms.  
  
"Let's go kick Malfoy's bloody ass!" Ron suggested.  
  
"Then we'll get into trouble too." Hermione argued reasonably.  
  
"But he deserves it!" Ron complained.  
  
"Even if he's a total jerk, he's hot!" Parvati suddenly burst out, "I'd love to go out with him sometime."  
  
Ron, Harry and Hermione looked rather disgusted. "You've got to be joking." Hermione stated dryly.  
  
"I'm not." Parvati replied, oblivious to Harry, Ron and Hermione's expressions.  
  
"Let's see, where were we?" Ron finally asked, ignoring the daydreaming Parvati, "Oh yeah. But Malfoy deserves it!"  
  
"Look, we'll just tell Professor McGonagall. She can handle it." Hermione shrugged as if it were the obvious thing to do.  
  
***  
  
"Mr. Malfoy, I am very disappointed in your behavior, especially for a Prefect (oh ya, Malfoy's a Prefect in this fic.) Forty points will be taken from Slytherin and you will replace everything of Ms. Granger's that you destroyed. You will also get an hour of detention with Filch. Alright Ms. Granger, Mr. Malfoy?" Professor McGonagall explained.  
  
"Yes Professor." Hermione nodded.  
  
"Mr. Malfoy?" Professor McGonagall asked, with a slight harshness in her voice.  
  
"Fine. I'll get Granger new robes and have a one hour detention." Draco replied, shooting a death glare at Hermione that clearly stated, "I'll get back at you, mudblood."  
  
"Well, that's about all." Professor McGonagall said simply, "You two are dismissed."  
  
As soon as Draco and Hermione were out of Professor McGonagall's line of sight and range of hearing, Draco burst into an argument.  
  
"Detention?! Paying mudblood back?! She's an even more retarded teacher than I thought!" Draco exclaimed to himself.  
  
"Professor McGonagall isn't a retarded teacher!" Hermione retorted, "She's smart like most of the other professors."  
  
"Whatever, mudblood. You obviously accept anything as your friends or colleagues since you're mudblood filth." Draco spat.  
  
"How dare you?!" Hermione burst out angrily, "my friends are great friends and they aren't trash."  
  
Draco laughed. "Scar face and poor buy, you mean? Actually, of course they fit you. A filthy, know-it-all mudblood, a poor pure blood who shames the title of all pureblood wizards and witches and a scar face who thinks everyone likes him when they don't."  
  
"Shut up, Malfoy." Hermione warned.  
  
"Oh and what are you going to do if I don't?" Malfoy smirked, putting his hands on his hips.  
  
"Oh whatever, ferret. I can't bother wasting my time with you. I have to get back to my common room. Bye ferret." Hermione shrugged, turning on her heel and walking off.  
  
Hermione suddenly felt her legs go wobbly and turned around to see Draco holding his wand out, smirking.  
  
Hermione examined her legs. It was the Jelly-legs curse. Hermione smiled, "Oh, I know this one. Jelly-legs. But I also know the counter curse."  
  
Hermione, muttered the counter curse and walked off again.  
  
This only angered the already angry Draco more. He shouted, "Bubbltuous Pussankia."  
  
"Oww!" Hermione cried as bubbles filled with puss started appearing on her skin, then painfully popped, spreading the puss, which caused more bubbles to arise on her skin.  
  
Draco laughed heartily and asked, "How do you feel now, mudblood?"  
  
"Stop it Malfoy! I mean it!" Hermione complained, dropping to her knees.  
  
Just as Hermione was about to draw her wand, Professor McGonagall seemed to be heading their way. "Mr. Malfoy! What did you do to Ms. Granger?" Professor McGonagall asked in a shocked, yet angry voice.  
  
***  
  
"Mr. Malfoy, forty more points will be taken from Slytherin, you will have a weeks detention after the hour you already owe and in addition to replacing Ms. Granger's robes you will also owe her a favour, whatever she chooses." Professor McGonagall scolded and informed.  
  
Draco scowled, "Why should I owe Granger a favour? She isn't worthy of MY favours."  
  
"You will do as she instructs you to do. No more arguments." Professsor McGonagall stated sternly.  
  
"Fine, whatever." Draco muttered angrily, "now am I dismissed?"  
  
"Also, if Ms. Granger has any work until she's well, please deliver it to her." Professor McGonagall informed, "And go to the Hospital Wing right now. Apologize to her. She did nothing to you, yet you insist on making her life miserable. I'll escort you there to ensure that you actually go there."  
  
Professor McGonagall and Draco walked swiftly down the halls and corridors to the Hospital Wing. The Hospital Wing was vacant except for Madame Pomfrey and Hermione. Hermione was still awake, watching curiously as Madame Pomfrey healed and bandaged her arms and legs. Hermione glared at Draco as he entered the Hospital Wing.  
  
"What do you want, Malfoy? Haven't you already injured me enough?" Hermione spat in an icy tone.  
  
"I'm supposed to apologize, mu-Granger." Draco replied, equally as coldly, if not more.  
  
"Why would you apologize to anyone, let alone me?" Hermione demanded, "you must be under the imperious curse, not really Malfoy, ordered by a teacher or trying to get back at me or blackmail me somehow."  
  
Professor McGonagall entered behind Draco at that time. Hermione nodded. "Hello Professor." She greeted.  
  
"Hello Ms. Granger. How are you doing? Has Mr. Malfoy apologized yet?" Professor McGonagall asked.  
  
"I've been better, but I'll be fine. No, Malfoy hasn't apologized yet." Hermione replied.  
  
"Sorry, Granger." Draco muttered.  
  
"I can't say I forgive you, because I don't." Hermione shrugged, "but whatever."  
  
"He's had a week of detention added, he'll buy you new robes and eighty points have been deducted from Slytherin. But in addition to that, he owes you a favour. That favour can be anything reasonable within Mr. Malfoy's abilities." Professor McGonagall explained.  
  
"Alright." Hermione replied, getting many Malfoy-embarrassing ideas in mind, "I can't think of anything now, I'll tell him it when I think of it."  
  
Draco noticed Hermione's expression change into a slight smirk and thought, 'Great, a favour I owe her could get really embarrassing for my reputation and life!' ***  
  
Three days after Draco had put the bubble puss curse on Hermione, she finally got out of the Hospital Wing. She still hadn't come up with a really good favour though.  
  
A/N: Flames, compliments anything welcome.now just click the "Go" button and submit a review cos I'm not continuing until I get enough reviews! ^-^ 


	2. The Favour

Chapter 2: The Favour  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Harry Potter.Characters, spells etc.. So don't sue!!!  
  
A/N: .-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.- .-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-  
  
In the Griffindor common, Harry, Ron and Hermione were discussing how to use the favour Draco owed Hermione.  
  
"I know! Let's make him bounce around the Great Hall singing 'I'm a lovely ferret boy...lalalalalalala!'" Ron suggested excitedly.  
  
Hermione giggled. "Funny, but not embarrassing enough! How about we make him wear a series of frilly, girly dresses all week and make him wear 'I love Mudbloods' quidditch robes!" Hermione replied.  
  
"Let's make him confess his undying love for Filch!" Harry piped up.  
  
The trio laughed.  
  
"What's so funny?" A voice asked.  
  
Hermione looked up. "Oh. it's just you Ginny. We're discussing how to use the favour Malfoy owes me, wanna help?" Hermione explained.  
  
"Yeah, sure! This'll be real good in the end! How about we make Malfoy do all of our homework for a month?" Ginny smiled.  
  
"No way! And risk my 'Outstanding' average?" Hermione retorted.  
  
Hermione glared at Ron, who had just muttered, "always the marks."  
  
"Alright.not the homework. I know! How about making him wear pink clothes and embarrassing outfits all year round?" Ginny suggested.  
  
"That'll be funny! How about making him try and turn on all the male teachers and act gay for a week then make him try to turn on all the female teachers!" Hermione replied.  
  
Harry and Ron suddenly stood up and acted out Snape and Draco:  
  
"Hello Professor Snape sir. You look real sexy today. I think I'm going errect." Ron swooned, batting his eyelashes and acting girly.  
  
Harry put on a look of horror, that also showed the hint of a smile and replied furiously, "Excuse me, Mr. Malfoy?! Are you feeling all right? Did someone spike your pumpkin juice?"  
  
"No, not at all Sexerus Snape, sir. I want you so bad. I always have." Ron purred, acting out running his hands along Harry's thigh.  
  
Harry and Ron looked at Hermione and Ginny, and the quartet burst into loud laughter.  
  
"That.would.be.really..funny!" Ginny said between laughs.  
  
"A lot of this stuff is really great! I know! I'm going to go see Professor McGonagall for a sec. I want to find out something!" Hermione said suddenly, rushing to Professor McGonagall's office.  
  
***  
  
Draco looked like he was concentrating really hard on his book, but he was really thinking of the favour that he owed Hermione. He gulped at this thought. She had so much power to humiliate him and he couldn't stop her.  
  
He slammed a fist down on the table causing several nearby people to stare. "DAMN THAT GODDAMN MUDBLOOD!" He screamed.  
  
This caused everyone within hearing range to stare at Draco. He gave one last irritated "Arghh!" and stormed out of the library moodily.  
  
As he was walking towards the dungeons, an annoying, high-pitched voice cooed into his ears. "Hey Drakie, wus' the matter?" Pansy Parkinson purred, making Draco's mood worse.  
  
"What the hell do you want Parkinson?" Draco demanded, glaring coldly at the pug-faced girl who was trying to get all over him.  
  
"I want you Draco baby. I want to fuck you." Pansy purred, wrapping her arms around a disgusted Draco.  
  
"Get off me you slut! Go fuck yourself!" Draco yelled.  
  
"Whatever makes you happy Drakie." Pansy replied.  
  
Draco nearly fell down in disgust as Pansy started to play with herself.  
  
Draco nearly puked and groaned, "I guess I am staying in the library after all."  
  
***  
  
Meanwhile, Hermione returned from Professor McGonagall's office with a malicious smirk that didn't quite suit her, on her face. Ron, Harry and Ginny all looked up with anticipation. "Well? Are you going to tell us what you asked or not?" Ron stated impatiently.  
  
"I asked Professor McGonagall if I could make a list of 'dares' for Malfoy to do. She said yes! I'm allowed up to ten dares! Isn't that great?" Hermione squealed.  
  
The group started rubbing their hands together evilly, very Slytherin-like, and started compiling a list. After about half an hour, they finished a list that read:  
  
Hermione's Favour: ten dares  
  
Malfoy must act gay for a week and come on to all male teachers ( must be convincing enough or another week is added until Hermione is satisfied)  
  
The following week, Malfoy must come on to all female teachers( must be convincing enough or another week is added until Hermione is satisfied)  
  
For a week, Malfoy must dress in anything Hermione wants him to, whether it be cross-dressing, muggle clothes, or very revealing clothes.ANYTHING  
  
For a month, Malfoy must sing 'I'm a lovely ferret, lalalalalala.I'm a bouncing ferret lalalalala.' everyday at breakfast while bouncing around the room (must be filled with enthusiasm or another month is added)  
  
Malfoy must go on three dates (Hermione chooses and supervises) in muggle places wearing muggle clothing (Hermione does hair, face, clothes etc.)  
  
Malfoy must act like Harry's personal house elf for a day. The following day, he's Ron's house-elf, then Hermione's, then Ginny's  
  
Malfoy must macarena the entire day, except at mealtimes, washroom breaks (there will be a spell only allowing Malfoy to go to the washroom when he has to go), during a test or when a teacher is watching.  
  
For a week, Malfoy must eat food charmed to taste like nasty things (ex. Shoe leather, dung etc.)  
  
Malfoy must only answer to Ferret-boy, Big DM dog or Drakie-poo for a month (Malfoy will be charmed so he doesn't answer to anything but that, even when away from the watchful eyes of Harry, Ron and Hermione).  
  
Malfoy must first listen to all of Hermione's music, memorize 50 songs, then listen to them in class (through a magical music box) and sing them loudly in classes, at meals, in the washrooms and when doing nothing interesting. (during homework however, Malfoy may stop singing or he'll never get anything done.) This dare lasts for a week and how long it takes Malfoy to memorize the songs.  
  
Soon, the dream team (and Ginny) would get their revenge on Malfoy.  
  
"I can't wait to see Malfoy's face when he sees this list!" Ginny squealed.  
  
"Neither can I." Hermione admitted, "but does he deserve all this? I mean, it seems a bit extreme."  
  
"Hermione!" Ron exclaimed furiously, "of course he deserves this! After all he's put us through for the last five years? I personally can't wait. Hang on a sec, I have to go borrow Colin Creevey's camera."  
  
"A Kodak moment." Harry added on, watching Ron dash into the boys dormitory.  
  
"Kodak?" Ginny questioned, confused.  
  
"It's a brand of cameras." Hermione explained.  
  
Ron came back, out of breath, yet smiling with a familiar looking camera in his hands.  
  
"Well. let's go see Malfoy's reaction!" Hermione stated, turning on her heel and marching out of the portrait hole, followed by Harry, Ron and Ginny.  
  
A/N: Please, please, please review! I won't start writing chapter 3 until I get enough reviews! And review chapter 1 if you didn't already! Anyway, hope you like this story so far. The fun's about to begin soon when Draco reads over the list and starts doing what's on the list! ^-^ Poor Draco. ^- ^;;; 


	3. HIGH!

Chapter 3: HIGH!!! -^_^-  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of J.K Rowlings genius characters, spells etc. I'm just using the characters to write about! I do however own all lame spells and characters I decide to make up to help the plot along.  
  
A/N: I would like to thank these people for their great reviews:  
  
DarknesswithinonesHeart: Well.here's Draco's response below! Enjoy!  
  
Emmawatsonfan: Yup! I certainly got enough reviews! I expected to get about 5, but I got like 13! And by all means keep adding reviews to it! I love reviews!!! Oh yea, I'm sort of feeling high right now.  
  
DracoMalfoyFan: Why thank you! ^-^  
  
DBZgal: Of course I'm continuing if I keep getting all this nice encouragement! I love your Trunks and Goten meet harry Potter story!! LOL!!  
  
LiNe2: I am keepin it up! Here's chapter 3! Enjoy!  
  
Anna: Thanks!  
  
Girl: Chapter 2 actually, but here's chapter 3!  
  
Painterchica: Yeah, I know. I just don'to like Pansy too much so I decided to make her a complete slut (much like millions of other Draco/Hermiones).Yeah! I can't wait to start writing Draco doing the stunts! That'll be fun! I know I've seen lots of Hermione the slave stories, so I decided to make Draco owe her something instead! Though, Professor McGonagall giving such unfair punishment is definitely OOC!  
  
Jocelyn: Thanks! I appreciate your review ^-^ Enjoy!  
  
t baby: Of course I'm continuing!!! Hehe! Just lure your thestral with raw meat! Or Grawps blood! ~shudders~ I hate bloody stuff! It completely freaks me out! But thestrals are WAY cool!  
  
Good Charlotte: Thanks! I didn'to think people would find it so funny! Oh and sorry in advance if lots of the characters are OOC! Yea, I know Professor McGonagall is usually very fair, but I made her a little OOC to help the story along. as for the insanity that's about to start in this chapter. blame it on my being a high writer! I know Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Snape, Dumbledore are really OOC this chapter so flame if you want! ^-^;;;  
  
This week I l: Sorry! I probably will make Draco do most of the stuff because I want him so pissed from humiliation that he'll seek revenge!! Mwahahahahaha! Yes, don't mind my psychotic behavior!  
  
Mayday20: Well. here's chapter 3! Enjoy! ^-^  
  
Meg: Maybe.but I doubt that Hermione would want to since it's her favour.but that has possibilities.I think I can probably do something like that! Well, here's chapter 3!  
  
Lynn: Enjoy chapter 3! I updated!  
  
Moon Assassin 13: Thanks for the review! Here's chapter 3!  
  
FictionFan: If you really need it. here's another chapter! Enjoy cos I can't update til at least next Tuesday because I have to go to my Dad's place!  
  
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Draco dreaded what Hermione would ask him to do. He could picture himself doing many odd, embarrassing things. befriending the poor pathetic keeper, Weasley, hanging with scarface Potter.studying with mudblood Granger.but he was wrong. What he'd have to go through would be worse.much worse.  
  
Draco found himself facing an open book on muggle literature and dropped the book (which was upside-down as well) on the ground in disgust. He noticed the annoying Trio and the Weasley sister approaching and quickly re- grabbed the book and tried to walk out with the book covering his face. Everyone glanced at Draco (except Hermione) and didn't look twice. Malfoy wouldn't read a book on muggle literature.  
  
"Harry. I don't see Malfoy anywhere!" Ginny stated.  
  
Hermione glanced around. A muggle literature book, held by someone reading very close to the page caught her eye. "I'd love to read that book sometime." Hermione muttered, turning to Harry, Ron and Ginny, "Hang on a sec guys, I'm going to go ask that person if I can borrow that book after they're done with it. I love muggle literature!"  
  
Ron, Ginny and Harry sweatdropped. "Don't we already have enough books to read?" Ron said to himself.  
  
Hermione frowned. "Nonsense. You can never over-read." Hermione replied, rushing towards Draco.  
  
"Hi. Um, when do you think you'll be done that book? May I borrow it after you're done please?" Hermione asked politely.  
  
"Take it Mudblood." Draco spat, thinking that Hermione had figured out that it was him trying to casually walk out of the library.  
  
"Malfoy!?" Hermione asked in shock, "you read muggle literature?!"  
  
"No. Of course I don't. I was merely trying to escape from you and those three before I was subjected to your annoying personality. And I was staying clear of Parkinson." Draco added as an afterthought to himself.  
  
"But isn't she like your girlfriend?" Hermione asked, puzzled.  
  
"No! What the hell am I doing even speaking to you?! I'm leaving!" Draco fumed, turning to leave.  
  
Hermione grabbed Draco's arm and stopped him. "Wait! I'm done thinking of the favour!" Hermione informed.  
  
"What is it?" Draco asked suspiciously as a quick flash of fear was seen in his eyes before returning to its normal cold mask.  
  
"Well, I asked Professor McGonagall if I was allowed to make a list of 'stunts', well 'dares' to pull and the maximum number I was allowed, so she said I could and I was allowed up to ten. This is the list you have to complete." Hermione explained, handing Draco the list.  
  
Draco snatched the list from Hermione and began reading. Harry and Ron, who each had cameras in their hands started snapping pictures as Draco's face started a play of expressions.surprise, disgust, nausea, rage, disgust again, embarrassment, humiliation, sick, disgusted, loathing, confused, angry, humiliation, disgust again, humiliation, horror, sick, loathing, disgust and finally furious.  
  
"I'm not doing it. And Potter, Weasley.STOP TAKING GODDAMN PICTURES OF MY FACE YOU FAGGOTS!" Draco shouted, reminding Hermione of a howler.  
  
"You are too doing it!" Hermione retorted loudly.  
  
"AM NOT!"  
  
"ARE TOO!"  
  
"AM NOT!"  
  
"ARE TOO!"  
  
"AM NOT!"  
  
"ARE TOO!"  
  
"AM NOT!"  
  
"ARE TOO!"  
  
"AM NOT!"  
  
Both Draco and Hermione seemed to notice that Madam Pince was yelling for them to be quiet. Harry, Ron and Ginny were all sweatdropping.  
  
"AM NOT!"  
  
"ARE TOO!"  
  
"AM N-" Draco was cut off by the harsh voice of Professor McGonagall, "WHAT IS THE PROBLEM HERE, MISS GRANGER, MR. MALFOY? I COULD HEAR YOU FROM THE END OF THE CORRIDOR!"  
  
Draco shut up as Hermione launched into explanation.  
  
"Professor, please. I was telling Malfoy the favour that he had to owe me and he kept disagreeing." Hermione explained.  
  
Professor McGonagall turned to Draco and stated, "you will do the favour without complaints."  
  
"But, I." Draco started.  
  
"No buts Malfoy." Professor McGonagall cut off harshly, walking away.  
  
Hermione noticed that Draco looked so angry that steam coming out of his ears wouldn't look out of place. "You can start acting gay tomorrow (Sunday). Good luck!" Hermione smiled sweetly.  
  
With that, Hermione ushered Ron, Ginny and Harry away from Malfoy, realizing that he was in an extremely dangerous mood.  
  
"Here! Take your damn book!" Draco shouted, chucking the muggle literature book at Hermione's head.  
  
Hermione gasped and ducked out of the way just in time, unlike Pansy Parkinson. Pansy who had come to find Draco got hit in the eye and was knocked off her feet. Hermione was surprised to see that Draco's mood improved drastically as Pansy fell. He started laughing, feeling absolutely no guilt toward the slut although he had felt twinges of guilt whenever he hurt Hermione's feelings. Hermione smirked at Pansy quickly. Draco's mood changed again though as he spotted Harry, Hermione, Ron and the tag-along- Weasley sister. He threw one more contemptuous look at Hermione before stalking off.  
  
"Funny. I thought he'd try to curse us." Hermione stated, figuring out the solution seconds later: Professor Flitwick had just entered accompanied by Professor Sprout.  
  
***  
  
Harry, Ron, Ginny and Hermione were skipping down the hall singing "Can't wait for tomorrow. lalalalala! Malfoy's favour starts.lalalalala! Hello Professor Snape.lalalalala! Oh, your docking points.lalalalala! Twenty from Griffindor.lalalalala! I guess that's okay.lalalalala! Today's a happy day.lalalalala! Can't wait for tomorrow.lalalalala! It'll be the best. lalalalala!"  
  
Snape was looking furious as Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny each had an arm around the person next to them singing merrily about whatever happened to be happening. "Will you for shut up?" Snape yelled.  
  
"Sorry Professor, but we were just expressing how happy we are." Hermione explained sheepishly, grinning insanely.  
  
Ron held the camera up to snap some shots of Hermione's extremely rare insane grin.  
  
"What are you so happy about and STOP GRINNING INSANELY MS. GRANGER!" Snape bellowed.  
  
The grin on Hermione's face softened a bit but definitely didn't disappear completely. In fact, the grin barely softened. "Geez! Were you ever happy? Lighten up! It's such a happy day!" Hermione squealed, throwing her arms around a shocked potions master.  
  
Ron started snapping pictures madly, from all angles. Hermione let go of Snape who's mouth was still wide with shock and started skipping off, followed by Harry and Ginny, and later Ron.  
  
When Snape finally recovered from the shock of having Hermione hugging him, he cursed under his breath and muttered, "Brat."  
  
***  
  
Harry, Ron and Hermione were high for quite awhile after the Snape incident. Ginny had managed to calm down and went to develop the photos while Harry, Ron and Hermione worked their energy off.  
  
They ended up with many pictures (thanks to Colin Creevey, Harry and Ron) of their many embarrassing events. Harry had danced with a stunned Filch and nearly squeezed Mrs. Norris to death. Ron had run down the Great Hall laughing like a maniac for ten minutes until Professor McGonagall finally did a full body bind on Ron. She had already docked ten points. Hermione, in addition to hugging Snape, happened to pass by him again on the way to the Great Hall and wrapped an arm around his shoulder and sang the lalalalala song again while skipping with a horrified Snape. Ron decided to snog Madam Hooch for no reason. Harry started a food fight which got NEARLY everyone high and no more points were taken from the houses because Dumbledore decided that it'd be fun to join in.  
  
A rush of people backed out, but the majority of the people stayed to food fight. Hermione who had finally cooled down and released Snape and gave him an apologetic "Sorry, I wasn't in my right mind."  
  
Snape was crimson and looking furious, but replied sarcastically, "Obviously not Miss Granger."  
  
Snape stalked off, leaving Hermione blushing like mad. (A/N: Note to self! I know you love Severus/Hermione stories, but this isn't one! Other me: Oh yeah! First me: I know! Make a Draco/Hermione version, then a Severus/Hermione version! Other me: Good idea!."  
  
***  
  
Draco barely got out of the hall clean. Fortunately for him, Crabbe and Goyle decided to follow him stupidly and accidentally acted as shields for Draco.  
  
"C'mon Crabbe, Goyle. Move." Draco ordered.  
  
Although Crabbe and Goyle were both idiotic dunderheads, they knew that Draco was definitely in a dangerous mood. Yes, he was usually cold, but he never looked that cold. His look seemed to suggest that whoever annoyed him would get turned to ice. Crabbe and Goyle just grunted and nodded.  
  
Pansy was ignoring Draco and personally, it was an improvement. 'Perhaps I should always give Parkinson shiners.' Draco mused. Draco took Hermione's list out and stared at it with contempt. Tomorrow would be torture!  
  
Moaning in self-pity, Draco trudged off to bed fearing the next day.  
  
A/N: Yes I know, almost everyone is OOC! But there is a reason that this chapter is called "High" ya know. Does anyone want to make any suggestions? What should I do with Snape? With Filch? *giggles*. Well, Review! Review! Review! And I'll try to finish chapters quicker, but if you notice that every other week I never update, it's as I told FictionFan.I have to live at my Dad's every other week (my parents are divorced) and I don't have a computer there! But I'll try to get chapter 4 up quickly! I've already started on it! Any suggestions on how I should make Draco act? 


	4. It starts

Chapter 4: A great start  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Harry Potter! J.K. Rowling does and bless her for being such a genius and creating Harry Potter! I'm just a poor, pathetic girl, using the characters to express her creativity!  
  
A/N: Wow! I'm so glad that everyone enjoyed chapter 3 so much! It made me go crazy and type up this chapter (I pre-wrote some of it on paper as suggested by GoodCharlotte) as soon as I got home!  
  
Thanks to:  
  
Taintless: Thanks so much! I'm so happy that one of my favorite authors actually likes my story!  
  
DBZgal: LOL! I finally updated! Happy ^-^?  
  
Kkjade: It probably will be a little OOC, but I think I'll make Draco and Hermione compete and try and make each other's lives miserable.  
  
Diomind: Well, they're probably not going to kiss until at least after the ten dares, so sit back, relax and enjoy the story for awhile.but maybe I can work a bit with your suggestion.  
  
Emmawatsonfan: I know the feeling all too well! People probably think I have absolutely no life, but I love getting reviews! It really makes me high!  
  
Meg: He'll be resistant for about thirty seconds. lame how easy he gives in, isn't it? Well. Here's chapter 3, no wait, 4!  
  
Mayday20: I feel really stupid asking this and all, but bear with me anyway.what are stellettos? You see, I'm the tomboy type and I've got no clue about stuff like stelettos, so please, please, please, bear with me.and thanks for the suggestions!  
  
Lynn: I finally updated! Thanks for the review and Enjoy!  
  
GoodCharlotte: Yup! I wrote this on paper at home like you advised! Maybe I will do something with the daily profit, but not Draco's Dad just yet.  
  
Rosi: Yes I know. I hate those stories as well! But some of them are fairly good.but I hate those stories where they turn Hermione into some sort of punk chic! They really annoy me because why use J.K. Rowling's characters if they're going to change them completely?! Why not just write about Suzie and Bob or something? "there was a really smart girl called Suzie who turned bad and punkish over the summer.this caused Bob, her worst enemy to fall madly in love with her and slightly change his ways." See? Almost exactly like some of the Draco/Hermione's out there! ^-^ Sorry if I offended you or anyone. just giving my thoughts although I shouldn't speak. my Draco and Hermione are probably very OOC too!  
  
Atiannala: Yes, I agree about Dumbledore for sure! Only McGonagall knows, but she completely trusts Hermione and just thinks Draco's some weird, messed up kid! LOL! Enjoy!  
  
Boo26: Sorry to keep you waiting! Here's Chapter 4! Yeah, I know it'll cause conflict! But I'll try my best to solve it, though it may become OOC (as if it isn't already!)!  
  
AltoidMonkey: Thanks! I'll check out your story.  
  
Wildchartermage: I'm glad you liked it!  
  
Sweetstar3: Well, I'm finally back! Sorry to keep you waiting!  
  
Painterchica: I loved writing that part too, although I was completely high! Hmm.ask Colin Creevey about the pictures. I don't know if they exist, but it'd be funny if I could hire Tom Felton and cast to take those pictures. I wish!  
  
Soccergirl2044: I feel bad for Draco too! Enjoy!  
  
Darknesswithinonesheart: LOL! Thanks for the review! Here's chapter 4 if you're interested!  
  
Xangel_luvx: Don't worry! You aren't stupid! It took me forever to figure it out as well. I asked my buddy on ff. OOC stands for 'out of character'. thanks for the chapter 2 review, but I never got the chapter 3 one. well. fanfiction is confusing!  
  
DracoRox: Thanks!  
  
Akuma Malik: Yes I know! I'm weird! But I'll say this.NO MATTER WHAT YOU THINK. I LOVE SEVERUS AND DRACO!!! LOL! See you in September!  
  
Whew! Finally done writing thank you notes! Well enjoy the OOC chapter 4!  
  
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Hermione woke up first. She had charmed an alarm clock to ring at six- thirty a.m. Though groggy, she quickly woke up, remembering the reason for waking up early. She quickly showered, then got dressed and headed for the dungeons where she knew was the Slytherin common room. She decided to sit, opposite a considerably warmer part of the wall where she guessed was the Slytherin common room.  
  
It was seven a.m. now. Breakfast usually started at eight. A noise was heard at the end of the cold dungeons. Hermione quickly ducked behind a statue. Snape came striding down the hall humming Hermione's lalalalala song. Hermione had to cover her mouth to keep from bursting out laughing, but a small giggle escaped. Snape whirled around and demanded, "who's there? I demand that you show yourself!"  
  
Hermione's eyes widened and her heart started beating faster. She prayed that Snape wouldn't catch her. Luckily, Snape shrugged it off and growled, "Stupid catchy song!"  
  
After Snape had gone back to his personal quarters, Hermione fell to the ground laughing. She stopped abruptly when a voice asked rudely, "What are you doing here Granger Mudblood?"  
  
Hermione found herself facing Pansy, who had a shiner. "Nothing! I had to get a library book and Madam Pince said that Malfoy had it, so I need to tell him to give it to me after he gets out." Hermione lied, surprised at her ability to sound truthful.  
  
Pansy bought the lie but replied, "Stupid know-it-all."  
  
"I believe that that's an oxymoron which is a statement involving two opposites. For example, pretty ugly is an oxymoron." Hermione stated, hoping to bore Pansy with stupid facts.  
  
"Whatever Mudblood. I have better things to do.like get rid of this.. and stay away from my Dracy-poo!" Pansy replied, pointing at her eye and walking away.  
  
Luckily for Hermione, the next people to come out were Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle. Hermione re-emerged from behind the statue and marched straight up to Draco. "Come. I need to talk to you." Hermione stated.  
  
Draco followed, knowing exactly what she had to say.  
  
"Okay!" Hermione said cheerfully, "today is the start of task one! You get to act gay and try and turn on all the male teachers, including Dumbledore and Filch!"  
  
"Fine. But don't expect me to do anything too drastic." Draco growled.  
  
"Too bad! You have to be really convincing! Or else another week is added for every week I'm not pleased!" Hermione informed, still grinning.  
  
"Fine whatever!" I just want to get this over with!" Draco shouted.  
  
"That's the spirit!" Hermione exclaimed, "to the Great Hall! Convincio homogayo informus!"  
  
A spell hit Draco, making him glow momentarily before returning to normal. "What the hell was that Granger?" Draco hissed.  
  
"Just a simple spell that tells me if you're convincing, even when I'm not around. So I'll know if you aren't being convincing and more weeks will be added!" Hermione explained.  
  
"Bitch." Draco cursed under his breath.  
  
"Well, here we are! The Great Hall! By all means start now!" Hermione smiled, rushing off to join Harry, Ron and Ginny.  
  
"Morning guys!" Hermione greeted cheerfully.  
  
"Hey Mione!" The trio chorused in unison.  
  
"It starts today." Hermione said mysteriously, watching Draco with surpressed excitement.  
  
***  
  
Draco grit his teeth and thought, 'I won't show any signs of weakness. Even if it kills me.and I'll make her pay.'  
  
***  
  
Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny were all watching Malfoy now. He was walking towards the teachers' table slowly, fist clenching and unclenching. Malfoy walked up to Snape and said lamely, barely audible, "I like you."  
  
"Pardon Draco? Did you need to ask something?" Snape asked politely. Obviously, he didn't hear Malfoy the first time.  
  
Then he glanced at Hermione, who shook her head and mimed adding weeks. She smirked when Malfoy paled slightly.  
  
Being controlled by panic, Malfoy jumped on Snape and hugged him tightly and bellowed, "DAMMIT! I LIKE YOU!"  
  
Nearly everyone's jaws dropped in horror. Malfoy was gay, he just confessed it and he liked the slimy git Snape?!  
  
Even Hermione, Harry, Ron and Ginny were surprised that he'd been so convincing. After the second or so of shock, the four erupted with laughter.  
  
***  
  
Draco walked up to Snape and muttered, "I like you." Through gritted teeth.  
  
Snape, who obviously hadn't heard what he said, said, "Pardon Draco? Do you need to ask something?"  
  
Draco glanced at Hermione, hoping that she would nod that it was enough, but she shook her head and mimed adding weeks onto a list.  
  
Panic filled Draco and he did the first thing that came to mind. He rushed and jumped onto Snape hugging him tightly and bellowing, "DAMMIT! I LIKE YOU!"  
  
Draco watched as nearly everyone's eyes came onto him shocked. He noted that Pansy had burst into a fit of sobs and left the Great Hall. Haha! That got rid of her! He smirked slightly. He had surprised even Granger, Potter and the two Weasleys who had knew why he was acting the way he was. Moments later, the annoying four exploded with laughter bringing Snape back to his senses.  
  
Snape shoved Draco off him and yelled, "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON AT HOGWARTS?! HAS EVERYONE GONE MAD? FIRST POTTER, GRANGER, WEASLEY AND WEASLEY COME SKIPPING DOWN THE HALLWAY SINGING, THEN GRANGER HUGS ME, POTTER DANCES WITH FILCH, A FOOD FIGHT IS STARTED AND NOW HE'S GAY? WHAT'S GOING ON?"  
  
It was then that Draco decided that no matter what happened, he would complete the ten dares perfectly and surprise everyone. He refused to crack. after all.he was Draco Malfoy, pureblood extrordinaire.  
  
As Snape was storming out of the Great Hall in confused insanity, Draco chased after him, clinging onto his robes and said, "Wait for me.my dear Sevvie."  
  
Again, Draco left everyone in shock.  
  
***  
  
Hermione watched in shock as Malfoy chased after Snape and said, "Wait for me.my dear Sevvie."  
  
Then she started laughing like mad again.  
  
Moments later, Draco returned, looking extremely sad. "H-he re-rejected m-m- m-me!" Draco wailed, rushing into Hagrid's arms, "m-maybe someone s-strong and hand-handsome like y-y-y-you can help me. We'll comfort ea-each other!"  
  
Hagrid was torn between, shock, confusion, pity and more confusion. "What are yer doin Malfoy?" Hagrid demanded.  
  
"Oh Hagrid! I just- I just told Prof-professor Snape how much I'm in love with him and asked for his autograph and he turned me down!" Draco wailed, looking up at Hagrid "but I like you t-t-too! Are you going to turn me down to Hagrid?"  
  
Hagrid was looking slightly disgusted which Draco pretended to notice fearfully. "Y-you hate me too, d-d-don't you? I'm just too pa-pathetic, aren't I? Why d-do I feel s-s-so attracted to older men?" Draco bawled in despair, tears streaming down his face as he threw his hands up in the air.  
  
Hagrid quickly thought of an excuse. "Er.sorry Malfoy, but I er. gotta go attend to today's lesson creatures.er, yea. That's it!" Hagrid stated, gently plucking Draco off him and walking away briskly.  
  
Hermione was clutching her sides laughing on the ground. Harry, Ron and Ginny were each grasping another person's shoulder for support.  
  
"Oh stop laughing Granger!" Draco cried sensitively, "I know I'm mean to you four and all, but that's no reason to laugh at someone heartbroken! I suppose you've never been in love have you? Excuse me, I have to go wallow in self-pity!"  
  
"S-s-sor-sorry Malfoy!" Hermione choked, "I-I-I know I sh-should be.more compassionate of you!"  
  
Draco gave another sob and rushed out of the Great Hall to his dormitory. Once he reached his dorm, he took the crying charm off himself and laughed himself at his genius. Then he planned on what to do next with dare one. This was going to be fun... embarrassing too, but fun.  
  
A/N: Well. it started! The male teachers are about to get it bad from Draco! So, how'd you like it? I think I'll keep this a Draco/Hermione story! Well, tell me what you thought! Flames, comments, anything welcome! 


	5. The Chaotic Howler

Chapter 5: The chaotic howler  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, J.K Rowling does! I just own the lame spells and characters I create to help the story along!  
  
A/N: WOW. I was only expecting like 12 reviews and I got like 50! Thanks to:  
  
Meg: LOL ^-^! I'm glad you found it that funny, cos at first I wasn't sure whether people would think it was funny or not, but I guess it was! Thanks!  
  
DarknesswithinonesHeart: Yup! He hit on Hagrid and Snape and in this chapter, another person or two! I'll try to update, but I couldn't for like three days because of the massive black-out here in southern Ontario and north-eastern U.S. (I'm a Torontonian.), so sorry for the delay!  
  
Sweetstar3: Yup! Smart, smart, Draccy-poo! ^-^ I like Good Charlotte too!  
  
Xangel_luvx: ^-^ LOL! You're the second person to quote the "Wait for me, my dear Sevvie" line and I just realized that it rhymes! I'm such a genius aren't I? I must be really blunt not to realize that when I wrote it! LOL! Sorry the update took so long! You see, I kept writing, then re-writing this chapter because it sucked so much in my eyes!  
  
Pencil_gal: I'm glad it brightened up your day! I hope you get better and here's chapter um, 5 I think! ^-^  
  
SperryDee: Heehee! You were thinking along the same lines as me! He'll definitely flirt with Filch in this chapter! ^-~  
  
Slytherinquidichcaptain: Thanks!  
  
Leika_Senara: Thanks, but what does roflmao, stand for?? ^-^;;;;  
  
Jenna: Thanks! Here's chapter 6!  
  
Beeb: Lol! I thought this was a flame at first, but I was wrong! Yup! He'll kiss Snape, for sure!  
  
Megan: Thanks!  
  
Stella by Starlight: Did you get the e-mail? Hmm.Dumbledore's reaction ~looks thoughtful~ I never actually thought of that.Thanks!  
  
Shadows_zhephyr: Eek! Please don't hunt me down! I.er live nowhere near North America and I live in er.um.Beijing! Just kidding. like I said to DarknesswithinonesHeart, I'm a Torontonian and couldn't update because of the annoyingly massive black-out.Well, here's chapter 5! ^-^  
  
Little-lost-one: Thanks!  
  
Tomsgurl: Glad you liked it! Enjoy!  
  
The SimonCowel of Fanfiction: Thanks! I was expecting criticism, because I was thinking of American Idol when I saw your penname, but I'm glad you enjoyed it!  
  
Cute-Kitty: Thanks for the review!  
  
LiBlackDragon: Well, more gay (but OOC, sort of) Malfoy is comin up! Thanks! I usually consider myself a shitty writer, but I was so happy when I read your review and it said otherwise!  
  
Stephanie: Hope I didn't get you in trouble with your Dad checking so much! ^-^;;; Sorry if I did! I'm glad you liked it!  
  
Kendra1117: I like your penname! Enjoy chapter 5!  
  
Alyshia: Yea, I will. Now that I've wrote more, I think I'd better keep it D/H too! It would be so annoying, writing all this stuff about Draco and Hermione, then have her run off with Snape, eh? Did you get the e-mail?  
  
Mayday20: LOL! I'm not fond of sluts either! Thanks for the info! ~dances around chanting 'I know all! I know all!'~  
  
~*jaz*~: Thanks for the nice review! Enjoy! ^.^  
  
MirroredBeauty: Thanks so much for the review! Wow! ~blushes~ You think it's pure genius?! That's so cool! I personally think I'm a crappy writer and probably wouldn't post on fanfiction.net if everyone on ff knew me.I'm usually a really shy person.but I'm straying off topic.LOL! I'm glad you enjoyed my story so much so far.sorry for the delay. I kept writing and re- writing chapter 5 because I thought it was all crap! But I finally got a satisfactory chapter.Enjoy!  
  
Plum Blossom: Thanks! ^-^  
  
Atiannala: LOL! I agree. I found it slightly amusing with Snape humming, but I was even happier when I started to write the Snape's outburst scene! Sorry the update took so long! Enjoy!  
  
DBZ_gal: I definitely agree! ^-^ Poor everyone involved.  
  
TOM4EVA: Yup! I'll keep it Draco/Hermione for sure..if I want a Snape/Hermione, I'll just start another story! No sense in wasting this plot! ^-^ Thanks for the review and welcome to chapter 5!  
  
PolishPrincess: Of course not before! They'll be seeking revenge and competing with each other during the stunts! Don't worry about them falling in love during the stunts! Maybe they might towards the last stunt, but I hate those mushy, fall-in-love after chapter 3 type romances and I like the way this story is turning out, so maybe towards the end. But I think there'll be Draco and Hermione snogging odd people etc. for my amusement and for their revenge plots! Thanks for the reviews!!  
  
Diomind: Thanks! LOL! I loved writing the Sevvie in confusion as Draco clings to his robes a lot! I found it amusing! Your story's pretty good too!  
  
Jan: Now!  
  
Ktw: Don't worry! You're not going crazy. you should see some of the crazed, wacko reviews I write to humor stories! ^-^ they're very odd.Thanks for reviewing and here's chapter 5!  
  
Ollivander: Thanks! I hope that I'm not using too much dialogue.tell me if I am, because on my last account, I didn't explain much.just wrote tons of dialogue and little description. Yup! First hate, then they seek revenge and somehow end up falling for each other in a hate-love relationship!  
  
Juliana (if you're still reading): Yes I know it's juvenile! I'm a juvenile person though! I look 16 and act 9! Possibly more childish though at times! ^-^ But I have a lame sense of humor and I laugh at almost anything funny, so sue me!  
  
Joanne: LOL! I'm glad you and your cousin liked it so far! Enjoy chapter 5!  
  
Wakabuchi: I like your penname! LOL! Thanks! What does XDD stand for??  
  
Airotci: Thanks!  
  
Jessica_Haliwell_Potter: LOL! I like some that torture Draco too!  
  
Anna70: Thanks!  
  
Cornette: LOL! Yes, I found it funny too. "Er. I have an.er.a lesson ter attend to! Yeah, thas it!" ^^ Thanks for the review!  
  
Charms: Cool Mom! LOL! COOL! YOU'RE ROOM IS CIRCULAR?? YOU'RE SO LUCKY! IT'S LIKE THE DEPARTMENT OF MYSTERIES!!! Sorry if you haven't read OotP yet! ^-^;;;  
  
Stephanie: Yup! I get that too whenever I read humor! Once, my Mom checked me for a fever because I was constantly laughing at this story! Even randomly when there wasn't anything remotely funny! LOL!  
  
Cecel: LOL! I did! Enjoy!  
  
Garfield16: Thanks for the review! Enjoy Chapter 5!  
  
Taintless: Yea, I get that from my Mum too. bla, bla, bla about you go on the computer too much! I only go on for two hours max! Thanks for the thanks for the thanks! Er. let's not continue this being over grateful thanking for thanks thing, k? ^-^;; I'm a softie too a lot of the time. but only when I want to be. Yup! Reviews are great, but it does wonders for my ego as well! I've been high for so long! Er.yea! Did I update soon enough?  
  
Slytherin's snake: Thanks!  
  
Someone: Hope you're stomach's feelin better!  
  
Blue_eyes19: LOL! I'm glad you liked it so much! Have some more fun reading chapter 5!  
  
Impatient: Okay, okay! ^-^;;; Really sorry for the delay!  
  
Hayley: Here's chapter 5! I'll probably make them either a couple, or make them end up as good friends, but not until I'm through with the favours!  
  
Jenna: Okay, I will.  
  
Hermione31: Thanks!  
  
Lee: Thanks for the review and enjoy!  
  
J: Sorry the update took so long! I was at my Dad's house, I kept re- writing chapter 5 because it kept on sucking in my eyes and I had a bit of a writer's block! Sorry!  
  
Calvin and Hobbes: ^-^ Thanks!  
  
Painterchica: Yup! War will start.^-^ I guess you should still hide under a rock for this chapter then.Draco's still actin gay!  
  
Fluer: Thanks! Enjoy!  
  
Tessa: Sorry it took so long! Enjoy anyway!!  
  
Wow! I'm so amazed! Thank you all for the reviews! I'll try to update sooner! I really appreciate the reviews, though I'm exhausted from writing thank yous. that took up like 3 pages! Well, enjoy chapter 5 and by all means, review!  
  
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Draco emerged from the Slytherin common, to find himself facing none other than Hermione. "What do you want, Mudblood?" Draco spat.  
  
"Nothing! Just congratulating you! That was definitely convincing!" Hermione giggled, "you're doing great!"  
  
Draco rolled his eyes, "Obviously. Malfoys are perfect at everything. By the way, I've been meaning to ask you. why did you hug Snape?"  
  
Hermione blushed and replied, "Well, you see, Harry, Ron, Ginny and I were feeling high so we were singing stuff like 'tomorrow it starts.lalalalala!' and Snape happened to cross our path and took off twenty points but we didn't care because we were so happy about seeing you do this task so we were sort of high! Then I dunno, I just hugged him!"  
  
"Uhhuh." Draco replied, smirking, "I can't wait to announce that Granger and Snape are lovers!"  
  
"I AM NOT SNAPE'S LOVER! I WOULDN'T BE CAUGHT SCREWING HIM (A/N: except in SS/HG stories!)! But perhaps you would.Wait for me my dear Sevvie!" Hermione retorted.  
  
"That's because you put me up to it!" Draco hissed.  
  
"But you actually did it with enthusiasm!" Hermione added.  
  
"Only because I refuse to have to be doing it when I'm thirty! And mark my words. I'll definitely get revenge on you!" Draco spat, "now if you'll excuse me, I have to go stalk Filch and confess to him how much I love him."  
  
Hermione started laughing. Draco glared, "What is it Granger?"  
  
"I'm definitely coming." Hermione stated, "I've gotta see this!"  
  
"I hate you." Draco muttered.  
  
"Yes, I know!" Hermione smiled.  
  
***  
  
Meanwhile, Colin was telling Harry, Ron and Ginny how he had got the pictures they had requested from the gay Draco, Snape and Hagrid incident.  
  
"That's great. Don't worry about film Colin. we'll supply it! It's worth it to have an entire humiliation of Draco Malfoy photo album." Ron replied to Colin.  
  
"We each have cameras, so why don't we take turns filming every embarrassing thing Malfoy does!" Ginny suggested.  
  
"Great idea Gin! That way, when three of us are laughing to death, the other can be snapping photos!" Harry replied, "but what if all four of us are laughing?"  
  
"Well, we could always charm the cameras to be able to detect when Malfoy's doing something embarrassing. then we could just laugh freely." Colin answered, reminding Harry of Hermione.  
  
"Good idea! Let's do it!" Harry agreed instantly. "Now let's go see what Hermione's doing!"  
  
***  
  
Draco placed the crying charm on himself again and put on a hurt look making Hermione giggle. The pair found Filch monitoring the halls with Mrs. Norris at his side. Draco winked at Hermione and dashed into Filch's arms and started sobbing uncontrollably. "Y-you l-let P-pot-potter d-d-dance with you b-b-but n-n-not m-me? D-does ev-every-w-w-one h-hate me?" Draco sobbed, making a mental note to bath for three hours.  
  
"I don't hate you. Potter jumped into my arms. Damn kid." Filch replied, coldly near the end.  
  
"Then, do y-you li-like m-me?" Draco asked sounding hopeful.  
  
"Yes. I've always thought you were very handsome. Would you like to go for a butterbeer sometime Mr. Malfoy? May I call you Draco?" Filch replied.  
  
Hermione's eyes widened in realization as she stifled a giggle.  
  
Draco recoiled in horror and screamed, "AHHHGGGGGH! YOU ACTUALLY ARE A GAY!"  
  
"Yup." Filch grinned proudly, "One hundred percent! So Draco.What do ya say to a date with yours truly?"  
  
Luckily for Draco and unluckily for Snape, Snape was walking along the corridor. Draco quickly rushed to Snape and pressed his lips against Snape's. Snape's mouth opened in horror and Draco forced his tongue into his mouth adding another hour and a half to his shower time. Draco quickly pulled away and stated simply to Filch, "Sorry. I'm taken now. I just wanted to play with your pathetic mind. Sev, let's go."  
  
Draco whispered, "Silencio" and "petrificus totalus" and dragged Snape with him, Hermione bringing up the rear.  
  
Filch burst into sobs that only a girl would do after a major break-up. Draco dragged Snape to Snape's office before releasing him with the counter spells. "TWO HUNDRED POINTS FROM SLYTHERIN!" Snape bellowed at once, "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!"  
  
Draco was about to confess, but Hermione shook her head and mimed adding more weeks and dares to the list. Draco gulped and replied lamely, "Nothing Severus. I just decided that it was time to show my true feelings about Hagrid and you. Wanna snog?"  
  
"NO! FRANKLY, I'D.I'D SNOG MISS GRANGER BEFORE EVER CONSIDERING YOU!" Snape shouted, obviously in distressed confusion, "NOW GET THE HELL OUT! EVERYONE OUT! NOW!"  
  
Draco and Hermione both hurried out of Snape's office. As soon as they were out, Hermione burst into giggles, "I can't believe you snogged Snape! Did you see how confused and distressed he was?"  
  
"I'll have to bath forever if stuff like this keeps up. I really hate you Mudblood." Draco spat, "Though the confusion it caused Snape was amusing."  
  
"I can't wait til classes start tomorrow!" Hermione squealed, "That'll be fun!"  
  
"Whatever." Draco replied, walking away, "I have to spend the next four hours bathing now, if you don't mind."  
  
"Yeah, yeah." Hermione stated, with a wave of her hand.  
  
***  
  
In his bath, Draco swore, "Hermione Granger, Mudblood.you'll pay.I can't wait til tomorrow either! Sure, I'll act gay, but you'll be in for a surprise too! Er.once I think of something to do to you."  
  
Draco wasn't sure how to get revenge on Monday, but he knew he would embarrass Hermione.  
  
~* Next Day *~  
  
Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny walked to the Great Hall for breakfast. Hermione glanced at Snape when he entered. She nearly laughed. He was scanning the whole hall carefully, yet nervously, ready to curse Draco the moment he tried to touch him. He jumped when a first year girl tapped him from behind and whirled around furiously. Then, he power-walked to the Staff table and sat down.  
  
Breakfast went normal.until the mail came. Draco's black eagle owl came soaring to the staff table, dropping a howler in front of Snape. Snape paled and slit open the howler. Draco's voice, magnified to the point where it sounded awful, filled the room, "HEY SEVVIE SNAPE!!! JUST TO LET THE WHOLE SCHOOL AND MORE HOW MUC I LIKE YOU I DECIDED TO GIVE YOU A HOWLER! LIKE, ALL I WANT TO SAY IS THAT LIKE, YOU'RE AN EXCELLENT SNOGGER SEVVIE BABY! I LOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVEEEEEE YOU SEVVIE AND WOULD LIKE TO SING YOU A SONG! IT TOOK ME HOURS OF SEARCHING THROUGH MUGGLE AND WITCH SONGS, BUT I FINALLY FOUND ONE! IT'S CALLED SLAVE 4 YOU BY BRITNEY SPEARS! WELL, AHEM.LIKE HERE GOES."  
  
Snape was desperately trying to shut the howler up, uselessly trying all sorts of spells. He couldn't remember ever being so embarrassed since he had been a student. But it got worse. After, "AHEM, HERE GOES.".Draco suddenly came walking towards the staff table, with a huge uncharacteristic grin on his face. Snape's face paled then turned red again as Draco started singing with his howler.  
  
"I KNOW I MAY BE YOUNG, BUT I GOT FEELINGS TOO.  
  
AND I NEED TO DO.WHAT I FEEL LIKE DOING.  
  
SO LET ME GO.AND JUST LISTEN."  
  
Draco smirked, then started a sort of belly dance.  
  
"ALL YOU PEOPLE LOOK AT ME LIKE I'M A LITTLE BOY.  
  
WELL DID YOU EVER THINK IT'D BE OKAY FOR ME TO STEP INTO THIS WORLD?  
  
ALWAYS SAYING LITTLE BOY, DON'T STEP INTO THE CLUB.  
  
WELL I'M JUST TRYIN' TO FIND OUT WHY, COS DANCNG'S WHAT I LOVE."  
  
Then Draco climbed onto the staff table to continue his belly-dance. He knew that Snape was wishing that he were invisible and everyone in the Great Hall was trying not to laugh so then they could catch everything.  
  
Hermione was shaking with laughter, yet she was still watching Snape and Draco with as much focus as she could muster.  
  
"GET IT GET IT, GET IT GET IT, WHOOA!  
  
GET IT, GET IT, GET IT , GET IT, WHOOOOOOA!  
  
GET IT GET IT, GET IT GET IT, OOHHH!"  
  
Draco started panting down Snape's neck.  
  
"I KNOW I MAY COME OFF QUIET, I MAY COME OFF SHY.  
  
BUT I FEEL LIKE TALKING, FEEL LIKE DANCING WHEN I SEE THIS GUY!  
  
WHAT'S PRACTICAL, WHAT'S LOGICAL. WHAT THE HELL, WHO CARES?  
  
ALL I KNOW IS I'M SO HAPPY WHEN YOU'RE DANCING THERE."  
  
At this, Draco took off his robes to reveal that he was only wearing black silk boxers. He began waggling his ass in Snape's face. Snape recoiled in horror.  
  
"I'M A SLAVE FOR YOU! I CAN ONLY HOLD IT; I CAN NOT CONTROL IT!  
  
I'M A SLAVE FOR YOU! I CAN NOT DENY IT; I'M NOT TRYING TO HIDE IT!"  
  
Draco pulled the front of Snape's robes seductively, winking. By now, everyone in the Great Hall was laughing like maniacs.  
  
"BABY, DON'T YOU WANNA, DANCE UPON ME.  
  
TO ANOTHER TIME AND PLACE.  
  
OH BABY, DON'T YOU WANNA, DANCE UPON ME.  
  
LEAVING BEHIND MY NAME, MY AGE."  
  
Draco noticed Snape's fists clenching and unclenching just in time and leapt away from the staff table as Snape tried to strangle him.  
  
"GET IT GET IT, GET IT GET IT, WHOOA!  
  
GET IT, GET IT, GET IT , GET IT, WHOOOOOOA!  
  
GET IT GET IT, GET IT GET IT, OOHHH!"  
  
Draco continued dancing in front of the staff table, knowing he was safe because Dumbledore was restraining Snape. Even teachers like McGonagall were amused.  
  
"I REALLY WANNA DANCE, TONIGHT WITH YOU.  
  
I REALLY WANNA DO, WHAT YOU WANNA DO  
  
I REALLY WANNA DANCE, TONIGHT WITH YOU.  
  
I REALLY WANNA DO, WHAT YOU WANNA DO"  
  
By now, everyone was laughing like mad, except for a few people. Pansy was in tears, still not believing that her "Drakie-poo" was a gay and Snape was being restrained as he tried to strangle and curse Draco. Some people, of course had suffered a serious scarring for the rest of their lives, while others merely fainted and checked themselves for fevers.  
  
"BABY, DON'T YOU WANNA, DANCE UPON ME.  
  
TO ANOTHER TIME AND PLACE.  
  
OH BABY, DON'T YOU WANNA, DANCE UPON ME.  
  
LEAVING BEHIND MY NAME, MY AGE."  
  
Draco had somehow seen the music video of 'Slave 4 you' the night before and was now doing the exact slut dance that Britney Spears had done.  
  
"I'M A SLAVE FOR YOU! I CAN ONLY HOLD IT; I CAN NOT CONTROL IT!  
  
I'M A SLAVE FOR YOU! I CAN NOT DENY IT; I'M NOT TRYING TO HIDE IT!"  
  
Draco continued dancing, while everyone (except Snape, Pansy and the traumatized people) kept laughing. It would make many people sick, though it was humorous.  
  
"GET IT GET IT, GET IT GET IT, WHOOA!  
  
GET IT, GET IT, GET IT , GET IT, WHOOOOOOA!  
  
GET IT GET IT, GET IT GET IT, OOHHH!  
  
GET IT GET IT, GET IT GET IT, WHOOA!  
  
GET IT, GET IT, GET IT , GET IT, WHOOOOOOA!  
  
GET IT GET IT, GET IT GET IT, OOHHH!"  
  
Draco went back top belly-dancing and added in some air humping. At that precise moment, Hagrid burst into the Great Hall, thinking that people were getting tortured. He was right.in a manner of speaking. Hagrid nearly fainted.  
  
"I'M A SLAVE FOR YOU! I CAN ONLY HOLD IT; I CAN NOT CONTROL IT!  
  
I'M A SLAVE FOR YOU! I CAN NOT DENY IT; I'M NOT TRYING TO HIDE IT!  
  
LIKE THAT!"  
  
Draco finished his dance. The howler finally came to a close.  
  
"I HOPE YOU LIKED IT WHICH I KNOW YOU DID SEVVIE!!! I LOVE YOUUUUU! HUGS, KISSES AND PERHAPS EVEN MORE, DRACO MALFOY, YOUR LOVING PUREBLOOD LOVER."  
  
As the howler burst into flames, Draco took a bow. The laughing continued. Snape stopped trying to curse Draco and relaxed, though still very red. Dumbledore released Snape, who immediately sprang up and started chasing Draco who started running up and down the halls.  
  
"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! ALL THE REMAINING POINTS FROM SLYTHERIN!" Snape yelled, chasing after Draco.  
  
"I know you really love me and all Sev, but this is no time to show your displays of affection!" Draco replied, pissing Snape off even more.  
  
"I'M NOT GAY! I'D NEVER SHOW YOU ANY AFFECTION!" Snape screamed.  
  
"Oh yeah? Then why'd you snog me yesterday?" Draco asked.  
  
"DETENTION WITH FILCH! AND FOR THE RECORD,YOU ATTACKED ME! AS I SAID YESTERDAY, I'D RATHER SNOG MISS GRANGER BEFORE EVER CONSIDERING YOU!" Snape retorted.  
  
"Then prove it Sev." Draco smirked, starting phase one of his revenge on Granger plan, "snog Granger right now in front of everyone. And make it a GOOD snog, not just a small peck."  
  
"LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS!" Hermione suddenly shouted.  
  
Draco snorted. "I don't think so Granger. I'm curious to see how much Severus would do to escape me. You see, if he'd really rather kiss you, he'll do it." Draco smirked, trying his best to sound jealous, "And to make sure that he either chooses me or you, I'm putting this charm on us. Deciduo betuo!"  
  
Unfortunately for Snape and Hermione, neither had their wands out, so neither could say "Protego."  
  
Hermione quickly whipped out her wand and pointed it at Draco. "Take the spell off." She demanded.  
  
"Sorry, no cure except for Sevvie here to do one of these two. And here's the thing about this spell that makes it worse. The longer Sevvie takes to decide, the more he will feel the need for things worse than a simple snog, if you know what I mean. So if I were you, I'd decide now Sevvie, cos if you don't, by the end of today, you'll feel the need to pounce either Granger or me!" Draco smiled.  
  
"You're lying, I'm not going to choose." Snape spat, storming off.  
  
Draco fought the mad desire to laugh like a maniac as he saw Hermione groan. Either him or Hermione would be very unlucky, because what he had said about Snape pouncing.was true.  
  
A/N: YES!YES!YES! YES! YES! YES!!! I FINALLY GOT A VERSION OF CHAPTER 5 THAT I LIKE! Only after re-writing it like six times. U_U;;; Well, I hope you people enjoyed it! Thank you for your reviews! I really appreciated them and I'm REALLY sorry for not updating so soon. These are the reasons why, even if you don't believe me, but trust me, they're true: ^-^ I had a writer's block.  
  
^-^ My parents are divorced and at my Dad's, we don't have a computer so I can't type every other week.  
  
^-^ I kept writing and re-writing this chapter because they all seemed crap when I read it over. I re-wrote it over like 6 times!  
  
^-^ It took me a LONG time to reply to all those reviews * sighs *  
  
Well anyway, review if you want to! Actually.please review! Critisism, compliments anything welcome!  
  
DMSL~ 


	6. Fighting Desire and Unwanted thoughts

Chapter 6: Growing Desire and Unwanted Thoughts  
  
A/N: Thanks for the nice reviews! Um lessee.  
  
XLinex: Thanks! I'm glad you're enjoying so far! I'm not sure this chapter will be as funny as the last, because of my hurry to write it, but I hope you enjoy it anyway!  
  
Feltonsgurl: It is? I didn't know that! I'll keep trying to update ASAP, but school just started and I have a ton of homework! Sorry if the updates are too slow!  
  
MirroredBeauty: Thanks! Enjoy! ^-^  
  
Hyperactive random person: Sorry it took so long! ^-^;;;  
  
Beebopodiggity: Well find out now! Please don't attack me with your spyder monkey!! Sorry it took so long! School just started and I have a ton of goddamn homework! Excuse the language if you find it offending! Sorry 'bout The Bestest Draco/Hermione Eva! I was just getting sick of reading the exact same plot!  
  
Lil me: thanks!  
  
Phoebe666: Thanks! Yay! You found it funny! BTW, no offense intended, but are you a satanist? 666.Enjoy chappie 5!  
  
Akuma Malick: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Why the hell are you changing schools? See ya! * Sniff, sniff * Let's get together sometime, all of us! (Shazia, Annie, Stephanie etc.)  
  
Akuma DracoLover789: Thanks so much! I love feedback that says more than update soon! Yes I know, Draco snogging Snape is both scary and "ew". Thanks once again and enjoy chapter 6!  
  
Mayday20: Thanks for your review! I know gay contact it wrong, I just find humorous ones funny though! Sorry bout that! Besides, it's the part of the Draco gay for a week segment of my story! ^-^ LOL!  
  
Fleur: Sure, but I don't think harry and Ron would help Draco over Hermione.They hate him!  
  
DarknesswithinonesHeart: Yes I know, Filch is gay and ooc! ^-^ But I really felt like making one of the staff gay! And Filch seemed most expendable and perfect for it! LOL! Guess! Who he'll choose and then read and find out! Mwahahaha! Thanks and Enjoy!  
  
Slytherin's Snake: I love Snape/Hermione! It's my second favorite couple! If you check my favorite's list, you'll find some Snape/Hermiones! ^-^  
  
Blue-Dreamz: I hope you like chapter 6!!  
  
Someone: Why do you feel guilty?  
  
k-kat13: thanks!  
  
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Lady Trickster: yes, I know, lotsa people seem traumatised!  
  
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~The Simon Cowell of Fanfiction.net~: Wow, Thanks!  
  
RebelRikki: I don't know where I get these ideas.I'm just a pathetic teenaged girl who loves Harry Potter and Pirates of the Caribbean!  
  
Lildrunkdevilz: LOL! Cute penname! Yes, poor Snape.Enjoy!  
  
SperryDee: Find out!  
  
Shocker: Sorry it took so long! Enjoy!  
  
SWKay: ^-^ I'm glad you like it and that's how I'm writing Draco like! Er..that didn't make any sense! @.@  
  
Fergiaj: Thanks  
  
Alexis Strange: Glad you like it so far! Hope you like this chapter too! Though rather OOC!  
  
Lindsay: Thanks so much for your nice review!  
  
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Sweet-77-thang: Here you go, Enjoy! The wait is over!  
  
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DANNYKAZ: Thanks! I like Draco in many ways as well!  
  
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Malferz: Sorry it took so long! Enjoy!  
  
Ktw: ^-^ LOL!  
  
Skye: Thanks!  
  
A.L. Lorraine: I just wanted to torture poor Snapie! He just seems the most uptight and his reactions seem somewhat appropriate, though at times he's extremely OOC!  
  
Taintless: Well, I don't want Snape gay, so I guess you know who it is! Thanks for the compliment! It's really great coming from one of my favorite writers cos it boosts my overlarge ego! Er.anyway.When are you going to update Deal with the Devil and Sudden Changes again??? I want to read!  
  
Three-days-grace: I love the song (I Hate) Everything About you! Do you? Thanks for the review!  
  
KAY: Thanks!  
  
ThePeppermintStripes: ^-^ I'm happy (and amazed) that you like this story which I often consider crap, better than some of fanfics, though some I'm aware ARE crap.  
  
Patience101: Sorry it took so long! Enjoy!  
  
Xangel_luvx: Thanks! I know.there isn't a spell like that I'm sure, but I just make up stuff once in awhile to help the story along.Enjoy chappie6!!!  
  
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Whoosh: Thanks! Glad you liked ^-^  
  
PolishPrincess: I guess it'd make a sort of funny movie! BTW, if you live in London, could you get me the part of Cho, Fleur or any character that has lines?? I wanna be in movies!!!! Er.I'll stop now.^-^  
  
Alyshia: Thanks!  
  
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.- .-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-  
  
Hermione was getting annoyed at the constant sympathetic pats she was receiving from Harry, Ron, Ginny, Colin and any passerby who felt sorry for her. Growling, she jumped up from the Griffindor table and hissed, "Will you people stop patting my back every five seconds? If your goal was to annoy me, you succeeded!"  
  
"Sorry Mione. We were just feeling sympathetic for once." Ginny replied, looking slightly fearful.  
  
"Whatever. Let's get to class now. Today has got to be the worst mixture of classes, yet the best! We seem to have all double classes with the Slytherins today except Herbology!" Hermione exclaimed, changing the subject and receiving odd stares from everyone nearby.  
  
***  
  
Meanwhile, Snape was destroying and repairing desks over and over, then repairing them.  
  
"I will NOT choose. Malfoy's probably lying! I would never kiss Her- ARGGHHH! I almost said Miss Granger's name! I think I'm going insane." Snape muttered to himself, "I know. I'll just focus on today's lesson."  
  
"How come the only interesting potions that come to mind are love potions, contraceptive potions and potions that remind me of Granger?!" Snape exclaimed in despair, "Shit! It must mean that the spell is actually real! But I'm strong.I can fight it...I hope."  
  
Snape wasn't convincing himself very well though. His mind kept on jumping back to hermi-er.Miss Snap-er.Granger.  
  
***  
  
As soon as Draco entered his dorm, He put a soundproof charm on it, then locked it and let out his maniac-like laughter. "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I SHALL GET MY REVENGE ON GRANGER!" Draco laughed, "Oh shit! I'm late for charms! I don't want to miss my choir!"  
  
Draco grabbed his bag and rushed to Flitwick's room just in time.  
  
He noticed, with satisfaction, that Hermione looked extremely angry.  
  
As Draco went to his normal seat, between Crabbe and Blaise Zabini, they both glared at him. "What are you playing at Malfoy? Sure, whatever you're doing, being gay and all gives everyone a good laugh or gets them traumatized, but you've lost us all of our house points!" Blaise hissed, "go sit somewhere else! You're not welcome beside me!"  
  
"Oh then I suppose you want me to sit on the other end of the room with the not-so-goody-goody-Griffindor Dream Team?" Draco spat.  
  
"As a matter o' fact.yes!" Blaise smiled sweetly.  
  
"Come on, Crabbe, Goyle." Draco ordered flatly.  
  
"Duh.okay Draco." Crabbe and Goyle grunted in unison, receiving glares from Blaise and gulping, "but we want to stay with Zabini!"  
  
Draco glared as well.  
  
"No.we gotta go with Draco!" Goyle changed his mind.  
  
"Yeah!" Crabbe agreed.  
  
Blaise gave them a death glare.  
  
"No we gotta go with Zabini!"  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
Draco sent them a threatening death glare.  
  
"No Draco!"  
  
"Uh, yeah!"  
  
Draco and Blaise glared at each other.  
  
"They're coming with me." Draco hissed.  
  
"Is there a problem here?" A squeaky voice asked from behind Draco.  
  
"We don't want to sit with each other, sir." Draco replied.  
  
"Well, that can be solved easily if that's the problem! Mr. Malfoy, you can sit beside Mr. Thomas. And Miss Zabini, you can sit in between Miss Patil and Miss Brown!" Flitwick announced.  
  
Draco and Blaise both groaned, "Okay sir."  
  
Draco noticed that as soon as he approached Dean Thomas, he moved to the farthest edge of the desk. 'Ha! I'm really intimidating, even to Griffindors!' He thought smugly.  
  
"I-I-I'm not available Malfoy so don't get so comfortable! Especially with me!" Dean stammered.  
  
'Ah, he's homophobic!' Draco thought, 'maybe I should toy with him and make him have a nervous breakdown!'  
  
"But it's so comfortable here! I like THIS seat right beside you much better than my old seat." Draco purred.  
  
Hermione, who happened to be sitting in front of Draco turned and stated, "Really? I thought it was only the teachers, not classmates as well, so you must really be gay."  
  
"No, Granger, I'm not. I just like to play around with peoples minds until they get nervous breakdowns." Draco stated truthfully, but coldly, the purr out of his voice.  
  
"Whatever.I have work to concentrate on now! I'm three questions behind! And it's all thanks to you." Hermione replied equally as coldly.  
  
Draco's face turned to one of sarcastic concern. "Oh no! Whatever did I do to get you three measly questions behind?" Draco asked with a sigh.  
  
"Made me laugh at your gay behavior!" Hermione giggled, "That's all I could think about! It was truly funny! I'll never get sick of it!"  
  
"Yeah, yeah. Now could I stop wasting my time speaking to you?" Draco stated rudely, turning back to his textbook, which he was pretending to read while he was formulating a plan.  
  
When Draco had found the double choice spell the previous night, he had found a little effect that could work together with his plan perfectly. According to the spell, if the choices were about love or something similar and the spell just happened to involve two people who were destined for each other, true lovers, the one not making the choice would have many 'thoughts' about the person making the choice. Draco was just going to make it seem that Snape and Hermione were destined for each other by putting thoughts in Hermione's head.  
  
Draco whispered the spell so quietly that only he could hear, then began to think.  
  
***  
  
Hermione's train of thought suddenly broke. She had been thinking of the charms assignment, then it became Snape's face. Suddenly, it was all of Snape. stripping! Hermione knocked her head with her fist, hoping it'd go away, but it didn't! Snape was down to his boxers.  
  
"EEEEEWWWWW!!!" Hermione shrieked, "I THINK I'M GONNA BE SICK!"  
  
Draco smirked and removed his wand and put the same confused look everyone had on his face.  
  
"Is there a problem Miss Granger?" Flitwick squeaked.  
  
"No sir, I was just thinking about.er.this um, Every Flavoured bean I had that rally tasted nasty and I was re-living what I said! Sorry for disrupting class!" Hermione lied.  
  
"Yes, I know how awful some of those beans are.just try not to let it happen again please!" Flitwick squeaked.  
  
"Okay sir, I won't!" Hermione replied.  
  
Unfortunately for Hermione, the thoughts continued.Snape was breathing seductively in her ear, his arms snaking around her.  
  
Draco slowly slid his hand onto her shoulder (on purpose). Hermione jumped, gasping. She whirled around and punched 'Snape'. Draco stumbled and fell out of his seat.  
  
"Excuse me, but why did you punch me?" Draco asked coldly, rubbing his cheek.  
  
"Be-Because I thought you were someone else! Excuse me, Professor Flitwick?" Hermione exclaimed turning to the charms Professor.  
  
"Yes?" Flitwick answered.  
  
"I think I need to go to the hospital wing or have a rest! I'm being delusional from lack of sleep! I keep imagining certain things! Either that, or I'm going insane!" Hermione said very quickly.  
  
"Yes, you're excused. I hope you'll feel better next lesson!" Flitwick smiled kindly.  
  
Hermione nodded and started to walk around aimlessly.  
  
***  
  
Ginny let out a grimace of frustration. Why the hell was Snape making the class make NEWT standard contraception potions? No one was doing well. Everyone's mixtures weren't right, but luckily, Snape didn't seem to notice that. He didn't seem to notice anything around him in fact. He seemed to be daydreaming, unaware that the different potions in the room were in various shades from red, to green, to blue, to yellow.all shades! Many of the students had self-emptied their cauldrons, scared of the fumes they were emitting!  
  
Suddenly, Snape strode over to Ginny, a dreamy expression on his face that didn't quite suit him. Ginny frowned, "yes, Professor?"  
  
"You're a good friend of Hermio-Miss Granger's, are you not?" He inquired.  
  
"Um, yes, why do you ask?" Ginny asked, trying to stifle the giggle that was building up inside of her.  
  
"Then may I ask of your opinion?" Snape asked.  
  
"Er, sure." Ginny replied, going more serious, "what do you want my opinion on?"  
  
"Do you think Mrs. Hermione Snape suits Miss Granger? And what kind of guys does she like?" Snape asked.  
  
Ginny sweatdropped. Then all of the sudden, Snape rushed to his desk in a Dobby-like manner and began whacking himself in the head with a book. "DAMMIT! I HATE THIS GODDAMN SPELL! I REFUSE TO GIVE IN!" Snape yelled to himself.  
  
Ginny couldn't take it anymore. she cracked up and fell to the ground laughing.  
  
Snape suddenly looked alert. He started sniffing the air? Then he looked really dreamy. He had his eyes closed and was sniffing the air.it smelled like Hermione was nearby.  
  
***  
  
Draco was extremely proud of his work.the spell he had cast made Hermione have whatever thoughts he wanted to put in her head, whenever he said 'snape'  
  
Hermione was in for a thought-filled day.  
  
***  
  
Hermione's thoughts seemed to be getting worse and worse! She seemed to be thinking about Snape on an average of once every ten minutes! And the thoughts just kept on getting worse!  
  
As Hermione wandered the halls aimlessly, she eventually found herself in the dungeons.  
  
"I might as well just snog him now. I want this madness to stop.but I don't wanna snog Snape!" Hermione exclaimed to herself.  
  
As if on cue, Snape came rushing out the door, rushing to Hermione. He nearly knocked her over, in his hurry to hug and snuggle her. Hermione turned red with embarrassment and pushed Snape off her.chest.  
  
Snape looked at Hermione with both desire and rage. "Please feel free to hit my head with a hard object, love." Snape stated dryly. Why did he say love?  
  
"I can't do that!" Hermione exclaimed, "gotta go!"  
  
Hermione bolted away from Snape as fast as she could.  
  
***  
  
Draco looked up from his parchment which had nothing written on it. There was a knock on the door. Nine of the surly dwarves that had rushed through the school on the Valentine's Day of his second year came rushing in. Draco smirked and murmured, "Finally."  
  
A few of the dwarves cleared their throats while the remaining dwarves pulled out musical instruments.  
  
"This is a song for Professor Flitwick from Draco Malfoy." The dwarf said gruffly.  
  
Five of the dwarves started playing instruments while the other four dwarves started singing, "You're short and real stout, but you're nice and don't shout.I'm Draco Malfoy and you're March (a/n: correct me if I'm wrong) Flitwick! You're so intoxicating unlike Potter who makes me sick! You're a cutie Professor Flitwick!"  
  
The dwarves bowed and left the classroom with an embarrassed Professor Flitwick. Flitwick had his face in his hands and you could see a bit of his forehead visible, which was a brilliant red. When he finally took his hands away and his gaze fell upon Draco, Draco licked his lips suggestively and gave a wink. Harry and Ron were fighting the urge to laugh their heads off.  
  
Luckily for Flitwick, the class ended.  
  
~* lunch *~  
  
Word spread quickly around the school about Snape and Hermione. Snape didn't show up for lunch due to the fact that he was in the hospital wing getting his bruised head mended. Hermione was spitting out her food every ten minutes in disgust.  
  
"What's wrong?" Harry asked.  
  
"I think it has something to do with the spell that Malfoy put on me, but for some reason, every ten minutes, I get some nasty thought involving Snape. And they get worse and worse!" Hermione cried in despair.  
  
Harry and Ron looked disgusted.  
  
***  
  
Draco walked past the Griffindor table. "So Granger, when are you going to snog Snape?" Draco taunted, smirking.  
  
Unfortunately for Draco, Professor Sprout happened to be passing by and asked, "Is there a problem here?"  
  
"No professor. I was just asking Gra-er, Hermione about something since I'm not welcome at my own table!" At this, Draco pointed to the Slytherin table who were all casting him glares or ignoring him, "Shoot! I have to go somewhere now! See ya!"  
  
As Draco bolted away, he 'accidentally' dropped a piece of paper in front of Hermione's feet.  
  
***  
  
Hermione picked up the piece of paper. It was a page on the spell that Draco had put on her, Snape and himself.  
  
It read:  
  
The choice spell is one that can be used for making choices that one's heart desires. It makes one person have to make a choice between two objects, things and sometimes other people. The spell causes the person the spell is put under to become obsessed with the choice that the person would desire more.  
  
Though this spell is usually causes the one put under the spell to become obsessed, there are a few effects that are rare.  
  
In some cases, if the spell is between a choice of two people for love or sexual activity, if one of the choices is truly the one destined to be together with the one who the spell was cast on, then the choice will get continuous thoughts of the one who the spell was cast on which will get increasingly more intense throughout the duration of the spell.  
  
Hermione stopped there, mouth wide in shock and horror. She was destined to be with Snape?!  
  
Hermione screamed and rushed to the waste bin where she puked. "EEW, EEW, EEW, EEW, EEW! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING! THIS IS REALLY SICK!" She shrieked, rushing out of the Great Hall.  
  
Of course, Harry, Ron and Ginny rushed after her, desperate to find out what was wrong and if their friend was okay.  
  
A/N: Phew! Took me long enough, right? Like before, all reviews welcome!! Oh yeah, from now on, I'm only answering reviewers who have questions.it's too tiring answering like 50 reviews! Sorry! DMSL~ 


	7. The snog

Chapter 7: The snog.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything from HP! I only own the spell that was put on Snape that made him need to either snog Hermione or Draco! Oh, and the spell that started the whole problem!  
  
A/N: Thanks to all my wonderful reviewers! They are:  
  
Taintless, Whoosh, Slytherin's Snake, ~The Simon Cowell of Fanfiction.net~, die hard Draco Hermione, some12, ikabupini, Samara Potter, xangel_luvx, A.L. Lorraine, phoebe666, Moon Assasin 13, PolishPrincess, feltonsgurl, Mystic Snow, Lady Matsu, Alexis Strange, Akuma Malick, ilukaiba, Varda, Fleur, ringette-chick, Red and Gold, Judy, Eric, Pinky, Ajuxliapose and last but not least.SweeTpI!!!  
  
And here's my replies to some of the reviewers:  
  
Fleur: Oh sorry, my mistake.hmm.Draco gay to Harry and Ron.I think I can work with that!  
  
Red and Gold: No! THIS ISN'T A SNAPE/HERMIONE! Though I love Snape/Hermione, this is my baby! I'm not changing couplings now! You'll notice, when Draco and Hermione finally snog, that it'll be far better described than the snogging in this chapter! I just like to torture poor Sev! ^-^  
  
PolishPrincess: Yup! Took your suggestion!  
  
Ikabupini: Just sit back, relax, read and enjoy and you'll find out soon enough!  
  
I'm sorry it took so long if you've been waiting for a long time! If you want me to e-mail you people whenever I update, please notify me via review!  
  
On with the story!  
  
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Harry, Ron and Ginny quickly caught up with Hermione and cornered her.  
  
"What happened Hermione? Are you okay?" Harry asked in a concerned tone.  
  
But Hermione wasn't taking in a word Harry was saying she seemed to be hysterical. She was pacing around in a grotesque manner, looking rather disheveled. She was also speaking to herself. "I know! I can move away and never face him again! No, then I'd miss everyone. I could enchant him to make him invisible to me! No, then I wouldn't be able to do any work. I could commit suicide! Why would I do that/? I know! I'll kill him! Or I'll get him to transfer!" Hermione muttered insanely.  
  
Ron gave a weak laugh, looking at Hermione with a gentle look that was saved especially for people who were insane. "Hermione? Are you okay?" He asked, feeling a strong urge to swirl his fingers around, indicating 'Crazy!'.  
  
After what seemed like forever, Hermione finally turned to face Harry, Ron and Ginny, acknowledging that they were there. "I'm fine!" Hermione squeaked, "except for the fact that I want nothing to do with the person who I found was destined to be my lover!"  
  
"Lover? How'd you find out?" Ginny asked tentatively.  
  
"There's a side effect to the spell that Malfoy put on me. and that's that if the one who the spell was put on has to make a choice involving sexual activity and one of the choices happens to be the one who's destined to be his lover, then the choice will have frequent thoughts of him or her, which get increasingly nastier! And just guess who's been getting thoughts of that sort all day!" Hermione exclaimed hysterically.  
  
Harry, Ron and Ginny's jaws all dropped in horror.  
  
Harry found his voice first. "Are.are you saying.Snape and you?"  
  
Hermione's voice kept on getting higher pitched.something it did when she was in a panic. "I really hope not, but it seems that way! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go beat up my pillow, wallow in self pity, then kill Malfoy!" Hermione exclaimed in distress.  
  
"What about class?" Ron asked, sweatdropping at the one time Hermione wasn't worried in the slightest bit about getting to class.  
  
Hermione just moaned. "What is it? You're usually the one bugging us to get to class early!" Harry stated, trying to act fairly and as if nothing was wrong with Hermione.  
  
"Guess what class we have right after lunch?" Hermione groaned.  
  
"Double potions with the Slytherins.and for two periods, not one-oh!" Harry replied understandingly.  
  
Hermione nodded sadly, "I think I'll skip it thanks!"  
  
"Do you mind if I get that on camera?" Ron asked, shrugging at the glares both Hermione and Harry sent him, "What? It's not like I'll ever see Hermione say she WANTS to skip class under normal circumstances!"  
  
"True." Harry stated, looking thoughtful, "Well Hermione.I think you ought to face potions with Snape. The longer you wait, the more chance of Snape," At this, Harry sniggered, "pouncing on you."  
  
"Alright.but I want to be alone for a bit. Maybe I'll show up half an hour into class, k? Tell Snape I'll be late." Hermione replied.  
  
"Sure thing Hermione. See ya?" Harry asked.  
  
Hermione nodded.  
  
Ginny giggled, "Good luck with the dirty thoughts about Snape! I have to go too!"  
  
Hermione waved, went into the Griffindor common room and flopped down on a couch where she screamed as loud as she could into a pillow.  
  
***  
  
Draco walked lazily to where Harry and Ron were. He was smirking. "Where's Granger?" He drawled, "Chickened out on Potions, eh? Too bad for Professor Snape then."  
  
"Huh? What do you mean by too bad for Snape?" Ron asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"You'll see in a few minutes." Was all Draco smirked as he walked back to the Slytherin side of the room, in between Crabbe and Goyle.  
  
"I wonder what's going to happen with Snape." Harry muttered to Ron.  
  
Both wanted to now what would happen. And as soon as class started they did.  
  
Snape strode in wearing a black tuxedo. His hair seemed to be washed and his teeth were miraculously white. In fact, he was so well primped up that he was barely recognizable as the mean, evil and ugly potions master.  
  
Everyone in the room was either gaping, sweatdropping, sighing or checking him out with interest.  
  
Harry and Ron were gaping at Snape who was scanning the room for Hermione. Everything in the room except Snape and Draco (who was laughing as silently as he could) were frozen.  
  
" Excuse me, but does anyone know where Hermione is?" Snape asked.  
  
He was beyond fighting it.he had given up awhile ago and was no longer correcting himself from saying Hermione instead of Miss Granger.  
  
Draco answered the question. "I believe she's in the Griffindor common getting ready." He replied, emphasizing the last two words.  
  
"Well class, settle down. Today you'll be working on love potions." Snape stated, ignoring Lavender and Parvati's excited squeals, "Just read the instructions off the board.I'll be going to the Griffindor common room now."  
  
Harry, Ron, Draco, Lavender, Parvati, Crabbe, Goyle and Pansy ran after him in anticipation, spite and curiosity. (A/N: imagine Snape and group running down the halls with Song Number 2 by Blur playing loudly in the background.WOOHOO! ^_______^)  
  
***  
  
Hermione sat staring into space thinking of nothing in particular. She knew nothing of the group running at full speed toward where she was.  
  
Suddenly, The door burst open. Hermione jumped in horror and ran as fast as she could, avoiding Snape who was chasing her. Draco, Crabbe, Goyle and Pansy were all watching and laughing, Parvati and Lavender were watching with HUGE interest while Harry and Ron tried to save Hermione.  
  
Unfortunately, Snape ended up pouncing on Hermione. Hermione wanted to scream, but in fear of getting Snape's tongue down her throat, she kept it shut and screamed as if she was gagged emitting a small "MMPH!". With or without Hermione's mouth open, Snape's mouth found Hermione's.  
  
Hermione's eyes widened as Snape lips descended on hers. Involuntarily, Hermione found herself responding. Their tongues explored every nook and cranny of the other's mouths, hands traveled along robes and legs entangled with each other. When the two finally pulled away, feeling the spell loosen its grip on them, both were as red as tomatoes and speechless.  
  
Everything was frozen in mid-action. Everyone had been thrown off guard with the intensity of the snog. Draco finally let out a snicker.and chaos broke out.  
  
Pansy was pointing at Snape, then Hermione and falling to the ground, letting out her annoying shrieks of laughter as she went.  
  
Crabbe and Goyle, being the stupid followers that they were, sniggered along stupidly with Pansy.  
  
Lavender and Parvati, however, were now gossiping like mad. "Omigod! I never thought Snape could be so hot! Man, he's a good snogger." Lavender complimented appreciatively.  
  
"And who thought Hermione could actually snog! Maybe she secretly reading books on snogging spells! And Snape.who knew" Parvati replied, with Lavender joining in for the end, "HE WAS SO HOT! MAYBE WE SHOULD CAST THAT SPELL ON OURSELVES!"  
  
Then Lavender and Parvati broke into a giggling fit.  
  
Meanwhile, Harry and Ron were giving Hermione a 'fraternizing with the enemy!' speech.  
  
"How could you Hermione? Why didn't you pull away or hex Snape?" Harry moaned.  
  
"That's.fraternizing with the enemy!" Ron added, "and the snogging session between you and Snape.that was just wrong."  
  
"I know, but as soon as our lips touched, I couldn't stop it! The spell was overpowering my control! You think I actually want to be with Snape?!" Hermione exclaimed incredulously.  
  
"Er, yeah, don't you? I mean since you're destined to be with him and all." Harry replied, with an apologetic look at Hermione's furious face.  
  
Snape's eyes suddenly bulged as large, if not larger than Professor Trelawny's did, in horrified shock. "What do you mean by destined to be with Miss Granger?" He demanded weakly, going paler than normal.  
  
"The side effects of the spell." Hermione, now blushing mumbled, "I couldn't stop thinking about." At this, Hermione coughed, "you."  
  
Draco had his fist in his mouth to keep from laughing, but a small snort escaped anyhow. Suddenly, Snape, Hermione, Ron and Harry's attention were focused on Draco who managed to muster up an innocent face, though his normally cold grey eyes were still dancing with laughter.  
  
"What's so funny Malfoy?" The quartet demanded in an odd unison of voices.  
  
"What do you mean?" Malfoy tried to splutter indignantly as if he were the most innocent person in the world, "just because I snickered, everyone suspects me of something? I just find Granger and Sevvie to be a sort of hilarious couple!"  
  
"Right. Your eyes say otherwise though." Hermione pointed out, "what did you do this time?"  
  
"Nothing." Draco insisted.  
  
"Would you like to try that under the influence of veritaserum Malfoy?" Snape hissed, pulling out the same bottle he'd threatened Harry with in their fourth year.  
  
"Er, no thanks Sevviekins dear. I've just realized how cute you look all angry like that!" Draco grinned.  
  
"The truth, Malfoy, unless you want veritaserum down your throat!" Snape growled.  
  
Though Draco was intimidated by Snape, he evaded his angry demand by acting gay again. "Frankly, Sev, I'd rather have your tongue down my throat over veritaserum. You seem good at it.afterall, with Granger?" Draco smiled serenely.  
  
"SHUT UP MALFOY!" Hermione and Snape yelled at the same time, looking everywhere but at each other, both flushed with rage.  
  
"WELL?!" Hermione shouted, "The truth or a black eye or some sort of curse?"  
  
"Hehe, fine the truth." Draco grinned sheepishly.  
  
"So?" Hermione demanded.  
  
"Well. I was sorta pissed at you for the teacher thing, and vowed revenge! Then I thought of the spell and performed it on you. After I reread the side effects of the spell, I started putting thoughts in your head.the rest is history!" Draco explained quickly, smirking the whole time.  
  
At that moment, Draco was suddenly reminded of over air-filled balloons as Snape and Hermione seemed to explode with anger as they started yelling at Draco and charging at him.  
  
***  
  
A/N: I know.This chapter was DEFINITELY NOT Draco/Hermione.Criticize the pairings if you want to.This is still Draco/Hermione, just with a slight SS/HG twist for this chapter! I just love torturing Sev!  
  
Now I'll start hypnotising people! ~* You are getting very sleepy, under my control! (I'm speaking like Trelawny ^-^) You will now click the go button (the button of a lavender colour) and submit a review either anonymously or signed on..@.@= Must click go button.(That's you! ^____^;;;) *~  
  
See ya in chapter 8!  
  
DMSL~ 


	8. Erno title for it

Chapter 8: blank for now  
  
A/N: ^________^ Hi everyone! Thanks for all the reviews! The wonderful reviewers are: Tom4eva, PolishPrincess, painterchica, Taintless, sweetstar3, Cheese_Master77, Mystic Snow, xangel_luvx, LiBlackDragon, Megan, Red and Gold, Phoebe666, Kat, GriffindorGirl13, diehard Draco Hermione, Marilyn, Sam;), Nancy, Judy, Irini, Lisha, Airotci, Lady Matsu, ikabupini, preciousonee, Whosh, Tiana Lunaris, Some12, Hotel paper, anonymous, mIsSyBiRd12, gsnape, fleur, yassameen, Unhealthily-Obsessed, k-kat13 and austrailian gurl.  
  
Replies:  
  
Taintless: I'm fine for now.too much homework, you?  
  
Ikabupini: No, Draco was tricking Hermione into thinking that she was destined for Snape, which she isn't. Sorry to have confused you!  
  
Judy: Yes, but I'm going to keep the romance out for awhile while Draco does his favours.  
  
Well, Glad you're liking the gay Draco saga! And not to worry, no more Snape/Hermione!!! I probably grossed you guys out, right? Well except for those who like Draco/Hermione and Severus/Hermione like me!  
  
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Draco managed to escape Snape by yelling, "Expelliarmus! Petrificus totalus!", but Hermione managed to pin Draco to the ground in a position that looked more like she was straddling him.  
  
Hermione snatched Draco and Snape's wands away from him, throwing them way out of Draco's reach. Then Hermione started punching Draco as hard as she could manage, shouting at him the whole time. "DAMN." She punched him, "YOU." She punched him harder, "YOU" She punched him again, "GODDAMN" She punched him, "ANNOYING" She punched him again, "STUPID" She slapped him this time, "FERRET!"  
  
"GET OFF ME GRANGER!" Draco shouted from underneath Hermione.  
  
There were times, while Hermione was strangling the struggling Draco that Parvati, Lavender, Pansy, Harry and Ron all rubbed their eyes convinced that Hermione was tearing at Draco's clothes, trying to get them off. which she was, sort of. "STOP TRYING TO USE YOUR ROBES TO CUSHION YOUR NECK! TAKE THEM OFF! UNDRESS SO I CAN CHOKE YOU DAMMIT!!" Hermione yelled, "TAKE OFF YOUR ROBE!!!"  
  
Unfortunately for them, Professor McGonagall had just walked in with a bunch of first years, in the middle of explaining something in the Griffindor common.  
  
"Children! Avert your eyes!" A dumfounded Professor McGonagall ordered, then turning to Draco and Hermione, "You two are school prefects! Such inappropriate behavior! This is Hogwarts, a school! Not a house of mirth! If you two continue to act so inappropriately, you shall be demoted from your prefect positions! Twenty points each from Griffindor and Slytherin!"  
  
"Bu-!" Hermione spluttered.  
  
Snape was watching the whole scene with amusement. But he tried to avoid being anywhere near everyone else because up close, it was quite evident how much he'd enjoyed the snog. He managed to slip out of the Griffindor common unnoticed and rushed to find his baggiest, least revealing clothes. especially baggy near his crotch.  
  
***  
  
Hermione gave Draco one last very hard punch in the face before getting off him, blushing with embarrassment and anger. She bent down to Draco's ear and whispered lethally, "I swear I'll get revenge on you for this." Then she stormed out.  
  
The rest of the Draco gay week passed by quickly.no one got sick of the gay, humorous Draco.  
  
Snape was more cruel to Hermione and Draco than ever, taking off points for almost everything they did. if Hermione breathed slightly louder than normal or blinked too much, a point was taken.if Draco's potion was one hue off, five points were taken.if Hermione was too much of a know-it-all, ten points were taken.for showing up for classes, five points were taken.for not showing up for class, twenty were taken.the list went on and on, the reasons being absolutely ludicrous.  
  
Hermione was receiving taunts from everyone for they all knew of the snog and how she then tried to get Draco as well. Only the true witnesses of the snog knew otherwise and only Harry and Ron were defending Hermione. Parvati and Lavender agreed completely because it lost their statuses as the Griffindor sluts.  
  
Draco didn't mind the taunts.he added onto them! His face was completely healed so he didn't help Hermione's stories one bit.  
  
Snape on the other hand, was also going through hell. A few of the students even decided to frizz their own hair, either to annoy Snape or try to seduce him. After seeing him in action, Parvati and Lavender began showing up to potions with their teeth enlarged, hair frizzed and hands up for no particular reason.  
  
Everything was chaotic at Hogwarts, but instead of trying to stop it, Dumbledore decided to let it continue. He thought that it'd be best to have fun while the still weren't under attack by Voldemort. He knew that there'd be tough times ahead and wanted everyone to live their lives with fun while they still had the chance. That and Dumbledore was really a kid at heart, wasn't everyone?  
  
Draco spent the rest of the week at ease, occasionally trying to seduce the male teachers, Snape in particular. But he also taunted a few students.  
  
***  
  
Draco decided he'd try and scare the hell out of Ron, who seemed to have way less sense than Harry, though Draco would never admit it. Draco heard from Hermione, indirectly that Ron would be in the library.  
  
Draco strode up to Ron, looking innocent. "Hey Ro-er, Weasley. Whatcha doing? Mind if I sit next to you?" Draco asked.  
  
Ron's eyes widened slightly. "Why?" He asked coldly.  
  
Draco blushed, something he could easily do at will. "Because, well, this will sound strange, but I felt a, um need for your company." Draco replied in a nervous tone.  
  
Ron's eyes widened more in realization. 'Hang on, something isn't right.Malfoy's not supposed to be gay with us students.just the teachers. Then why is he acting as if he has a crush on me?' Ron thought, 'I'll let him sit for awhile and see what he's up to.". "Alright, fine Malfoy." Ron shrugged.  
  
"Gee, thanks Ron..er.Weasley." Draco let slip, sitting beside Ron.  
  
Draco almost smirked, but kept his acting face as he saw Ron visibly stiffen uncomfortably. "What's the matter?" Draco asked in a concerned tone.  
  
"Er, nothing Malfoy. Are you here to study or to watch me study or to do homework?" Ron demanded.  
  
"I'll read over your shoulder." Draco finally replied.  
  
After about five minutes of sitting still, just studying, Ron loosened up a bit. Draco looked over his shoulder and smirked at nothing before slowly snaking his arm around Ron, movie style. Ron stiffened up immediately. "What are you doing Malfoy?" He asked shakily.  
  
Draco sighed, "You want the truth or my cover-up lie?"  
  
"Truth of course." Ron replied.  
  
"Well.." Draco started sheepishly, looking everywhere but at Ron, blushing furiously (or so Ron thought),"Ivebeentryingtoworkupenoughcouragetoaskyououttotheballorsomethingb ecauseireallylikeyouandiactuallyamagayimnotjustpretendingronandcanicallyouro ninsteadofweasley?"  
  
"What did you say Malfoy?" Ron asked, though he understood some of what Draco had said. He was unnerved.  
  
Draco took a deep breath and repeated himself more calmly, "I've been trying to work up enough courage to ask you out to a ball or something because I really like you and I'm actually gay, I'm not just pretending and can I call you Ron instead of Weasley?"  
  
Ron looked pale and sick. "You-you're really gay?" He asked weakly.  
  
"Yup! And it's been quite fun with the teachers. I don't have to hide my true colours for once." Draco grinned, pulling Ron so close that Ron was leaning on Draco's shoulder, "So, wanna go out sometime? I'll treat."  
  
Ron went completely white. "B-but you hate me!" Ron spluttered.  
  
"No, I don't. Putting you down is my way of flirting with you guys without getting in too much trouble with my father." Draco replied smoothly.  
  
""I have to go." Ron said quickly, getting up.  
  
'I've snogged Snape before.Weasley's no problem! I just perform a self- scourgify and my mouth gets washed!' Draco thought. He quickly grabbed Ron and snogged him, not failing to add in a bit of tongue, leaving Ron stunned. "If you change your mind, I'll be waiting this week." Draco purred leaving Ron to rush to the washroom to puke.  
  
Satisfied with his work, he went off to wash his mouth.  
  
***  
  
Everytime Draco saw Ron, He always gave him a suggestive wink, blew him a kiss, waved or fluttered his eyelashes ridiculously. But this was only when no one was looking.  
  
Ron was very tense. Anyone who even brushed him slightly, made him break into a sweat and stiffen up. Harry and Hermione noticed this.  
  
"What's up Ron? You've been really guarded lately. Earlier I tapped you on the shoulder and you bolted away!" Hermione exclaimed once in the privacy of the Griffindor common.  
  
"Er, It's a long story." Ron sighed.  
  
"We're listening." Harry replied.  
  
"I don't want to talk about it." Ron said dully, reminding Hermione strongly of Professor Binns.  
  
"Alright, we won't force you to, but if you ever want to talk about it, we're here." Hermione shrugged.  
  
Ron sighed, "Fine I'll tell you. It's Malfoy. And him being gay with the teachers."  
  
Harry gasped in shock, "Lemme guess! You saw something that's got you very traumatized like Malfoy and Snape!"  
  
"Nope, worse.it INVOLVED me." Ron replied.  
  
"WHAT?!" Hermione and Harry shouted in unison.  
  
"What did he do to you?" Hermione demanded as Harry asked, "What happened?"  
  
"Huh?" Ron asked.  
  
"What happened?" Harry asked.  
  
"What did he do to you?" Hermione repeated after Harry had spoken.  
  
"He.He.MALFOY VIOLATED ME!" Ron burst out.  
  
"What'd he do?" Hermione asked, having a hard time holding back her snigger, which managed to escape anyway.  
  
"He snogged me!" Ron wailed.  
  
Hermione cracked up laughing, "AND YOU BELIEVE HE'S REALLY GAY?!"  
  
"He's been flirting whenever we're alone!" Ron retorted hysterically.  
  
"He's just trying to get to you because he can. And you're falling for his act." Hermione stated simply, shrugging, "I mean, he finds you to be a disgrace to pureblood wizards, so why'd he bother with you?"  
  
"He said it was all an act that he has to put on to keep himself and me out of danger." Ron supplied.  
  
"I don't know what you think, but my intuition tells me that it's all an act, so, suit yourself Ron, but I have to go finish an essay." Hermione shrugged, giving up on reasoning with Ron.  
  
"I think I have to agree with Hermione on this one." Harry finally said, "You're looking too far into this one."  
  
"I guess so, but I still feel violated.HE SNOGGED ME FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!"  
  
After a few days more of the over-paranoid Ron who slept curled in a ball tucked tightly in the blankets with his wand at ready under his pillow, Harry and Hermione decided to ask Dumbledore to try to help Ron.  
  
Dumbledore obliged and began counseling the extremely traumatized Ron.  
  
Finally, it was time for Draco to start hitting on the female teachers.  
  
***  
  
A/N: ^___________^ Short, short, chappie, right? Well I leave you at this cliffhanger, k? No? Fine.I'll continue.  
  
***  
  
Hermione managed to 'collide' into Draco before breakfast.  
  
"Morning Malfoy! Nothing could get me too down today for today you must start hitting on the female teachers!" Hermione chirped happily, marching down the hall with Malfoy, a broad grin on her face.  
  
Draco groaned, remembering how Professor McGonagall was like. She just didn't go for nonsense. Maybe he'd hit on Madame Hooch or someone easy.  
  
Hermione gave Malfoy one big pat on the back and went over to the Griffindor table. Harry, Ron and Ginny grinned at Hermione as she sat down. "Lemme guess, week number two and stunt number two." Harry guessed.  
  
"Yup! Nothing's gonna get me down today!" Hermione grinned.  
  
Hermione glanced from Draco, to the staff table. As Draco neared the teacher's table, Snape visibly stiffened and his hand gripped something in his pocket, which Hermione guessed was his wand.  
  
Just as Draco started his sentence, ("Hello, all you lovely.") Snape put the full body bind on Draco, and dragged him far away from the staff table.  
  
Hermione laughed. Snape glared, looking extremely irritated as he returned from delivering Draco to the farthest spot in the Great Hall from the staff table. Draco looked in Hermione's direction with eyes that read "If you don't get me out, you won't be seeing me in action this breakfast!"  
  
Hermione quickly whispered the counter spell and Draco was released. At once, Draco announced loudly, "I'm so sorry I traumatized all you people! I've just realized that I'm not actually gay and it was just my psycho hormones! I'm really straight and I have my sights set on the beautiful, lovely, intelligent Professor Sinistra!" Draco controlled his urge to shudder and continued towards the staff table, "So, without further ado, will you date me Professor Sinistra?"  
  
Professor Sinistra's eyes widened in absolute shock. Finally, she replied, "Sorry Mr. Malfoy, but it's against school policy to date students and I don't fancy you at all."  
  
"Well that's just fine and dandy!" Draco sniffed, "Why does everyone I like always reject me except for those who I don't even like?!" Draco pointed at Pansy, "WHY????"  
  
"Er." Professor Sinistra started, trying to find something comforting to say.  
  
"Well, fine. I also like you Professor McGonagall.Will you-" Draco started as Professor Mcgonagall cut him off, snapping, "ABSOLUTELY NOT! TEN POINTS FROM SLYTHERIN FOR TRYING TO HIT ON THE TEACHERS!!!"  
  
"I need a hug." Draco sniffed loudly.  
  
Draco yelped as a pair of arms came around him. Draco's eyes seemed to bulged out of his sockets. It was Filch! "AHHHHGGGGHHH! HELP ME! MAD CARETAKER ON THE LOOSE!" Draco yelled.  
  
Hermione noticed that Snape made absolutely no move to stop Filch. Neither did Dumbledore, McGonagall or any other male teacher. Professor Sinistra shifted slightly, but thought better of it and remained sitting. Most of the teachers were either trying and failing to not let out their giggles and sniggers and others had "He deserves it" looks on their faces.  
  
Filch began rubbing his head affectionately against Draco's back. Draco gave up on trying to receive help and elbowed Filch right in the stomach. Filch doubled over in pain and Draco took the opportunity to bolt away and point his wand at Filch. "If you ever try to touch me again squib, "Draco hissed in a lethal voice, "you will get hexed until you're unrecognizable, permanent hexes, not temporary ones like jelly-legs."  
  
Filch whimpered a very quiet, "Yes sir." And rushed out of the Great Hall.  
  
Snape's eyebrows were furrowed in a confused expression. Finally, after seconds of delay, he asked in a confused, yet sarcastic tone, "I've been wondering. white the hell is going on? Isn't Malfoy gay? Or does he only enjoy driving me to insanity?"  
  
Hermione snorted and Snape whirled around to face her. "Ah so it was half your fault then Granger" He spat, not bothering to add the miss in front of it, "fifty points from-"  
  
"I'm afraid I'll have to interject, Severus. You have no evidence of this accusation. If Miss Granger found your statement funny, which it is slightly, then that doesn't immediately mean it's all her fault." Dumbledore argued reasonably, "so please control your temper Severus."  
  
Hermione smiled inwardly, knowing that Dumdledore, as always, knew exactly what was going on. Draco shrugged and headed straight back to Professor McGonagall. "Can I take you to the next ball?" Draco asked tentatively.  
  
"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" McGonagall replied firmly.  
  
"Oh so you're playing hard to get Minerva, eh? Mind if I call you Nervvie since I called Severus Sevvie?" Draco asked hopefully.  
  
"NO! TEN POINTS FROM SLYTHERIN!" Snape ad McGonagall yelled in unison.  
  
"Nervvie can I PLEASE date you? I promise I'll be at your beck and call!" Draco pleaded desperately, or so it seemed.  
  
"NO! DETENTION WITH FILCH!" McGonagall barked.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Draco yelled, turning solemn "oh well, Nervvie, I forgive you."  
  
"MY NAME IS NOT NERVVIE!" She exclaimed, losing her temper, "THIRTY POINTS FROM SLYTHERIN AND YOU'RE FORBIDDEN FROM ENTERING ANY OF MY CLASSES!"  
  
"But. You can't do that!" Draco protested, getting cut off by McGonagall's strict voice. "Yes I can, and I am. Your homework will be sent to you by a classmate." She stated with a final sort of tone.  
  
Draco didn't dare try his luck and went back to his room since his first class would've been Transfiguration. As he exited the Great Hall, he muttered, "Oh well, then at least I can spend that time writing love-notes, musical poems and howlers!"  
  
A/N: ^__________^ Yay! I finally updated! Aren't you proud of me?  
  
Well, not much to say.sorry it took so long to update as usual, but pretty soon, my Dad says he'll get a computer at his place and then I can update more often!  
  
Any comments, criticisms, flames, questions etc. welcome!  
  
DMSL~ 


	9. The matchmaker

Chapter 9: The Matchmaker  
  
A/N: Hi everyone! I'm REALLY sorry that it took longer then the usual long time it takes for me to update! I had a field trip to Stratford to watch a Shakespearean play (which I found boring) and I got home late. I should have gone to the cross-country meet! City finals! FINALS! * goes nuts banging head on wall softly then beating up pillow * Now I won't get another chance to make it to the OFSAAs!!! NOOOOO! Aside from this.I had a LOT of homework and was just reading other fanfics and slacking off.Sorry! But this new (sort of short) chapter's finally out! Enjoy!  
  
I'd like to thank these wonderful reviewers for their reviews! They are: ?, Taintless, rebecca89, Feltons_Gurl, Mellyna Trouvseai, neat-lil-lucky- angel666, ~the simon cowell of fanfiction.net, SperryDee, Unhealthily- Obsessed, natyslacks, preciousonee, Hatokirei, Sallymander, Tainted Love1, Princess of Darkness6, phoebe666, Red and Gold, Mystic Snow, australian gurl, MirroredBeauty, EvilWillow666, rwheezy-mm, Stella by Starlight, avivagirl, xangel_luvx, tom4eva, sweet-77-thang, Sick-Girl42, Some12, PolishPrincess, infatuation. and finally, IsisFireDancer (my first chapter 9 reviewer!)  
  
And I'd like to reply to some of them too:  
  
Infatuation: Hmmm, that's a pretty good suggestion.I don't know why I've never thought of it before!  
  
Avivagirl: Yeah, I know.everyone is fairly OOC.  
  
Natyslacks: Hmmm.where do I get inspiration to write chapters? Probably just from my insane brain and stuff I see which I twist and use to make a part of the story.very random ^-^  
  
Taintless: ^-^ My favorite 'dark' author and favorite Draco/Hermione author! Lesse, news.hmmm.that's sort of tough.I don't have much interesting news for ya. Oh! Have you heard of the msn group, HP café? It's cool! It's a Harry Potter msn group! I've only been on it once so far ^-^;;;.but the picture galleries (some) are pretty good (I like the PoA set and cast pics) and so are some of the discussions (like updates on the GoF movie). Well, I guess that's pretty much, my news! You?  
  
Well, on with the story now! ^-^ Finally, eh? -.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.- .-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-  
  
This shocked everyone, momentarily. Finally Madame Hooch broke the silence by calling Draco's bluff. "Alright Mr. Malfoy." Hooch smiled, licking her lips, "Come'ere."  
  
Draco gulped quickly flashing Hermione a pleading look. Hermione, being the compassionate person that she was, took pity on Draco and decided to go to his rescue. Hermione quickly put her extremely angry face on, got up and stormed over to Draco. When she reached Draco, she slapped him. Thinking quickly, she yelled at Draco, "HOW COULD YOU?!"  
  
"Me?" Draco asked innocently, "What did I do?"  
  
"You know perfectly well what you did." Hermione snarled, pushing Draco to a wall, pinning him there.  
  
"Hmm. This seems to have become a very constant position for me to be in." Draco said thoughtfully.  
  
"Stop changing the subject!" Hermione shouted angrily, though inside she wasn't angry in the least.  
  
"What did I do to anger you so much Granger?" Draco asked, smirking.  
  
"You transfigured all of my homework into stupid pictures of you and Snape in thongs!" Hermione exploded, letting out the first thing that came to mind.  
  
Draco nearly fell down at Hermione's stupid answer. Trust her to think of homework. But keeping his composure, Draco replied, "And man I look hot, don't I?"  
  
Hermione flushed. "NO YOU DON'T!" She retorted, "Return my homework to the way it was!"  
  
"But what if the change is irreversible?" Draco asked oh-so-innocently.  
  
"Then I'm destroying all of your homework!" Hermione replied coldly, heading straight for the dungeons with Draco yelling after her.  
  
"Don't you dare touch my homework!" Draco yelled, chasing after Hermione.  
  
After they were out of hearing range, Draco and Hermione fell to the ground laughing. Hermione was clutching Draco for support and he had his arms around her as well. But it didn't help much, soon they were both lying on the ground, still holding onto each other, laughing like lunatics. For some unknown reason, they were unable to stop laughing.  
  
***  
  
What Draco and Hermione didn't realize was that when they stormed out, Snape had followed, outraged at the 'Snape in a thong' comment. After seeing that it was all made up, Snape decided to make Draco and Hermione unable to stop laughing until they eventually fainted from lack of oxygen.  
  
Snape smirked. He knew that they'd eventually fall in love. It was inevitable. And he'd play matchmaker because it would be sort of revenge and it would make him feel better for the incident he'd been through when he was their age.  
  
After Draco and Hermione fainted, both still clinging to each other, Snape went to find some witnesses.  
  
***  
  
Snape happened to have a talent at imitating voices and started imitating Draco, Hermione and Lucius.  
  
"How dare you fall in love with a Mudblood, Draco! You'll pay for your disobedience!" Snape started then switching to Draco's voice, "Well I love her and there's nothing you can do to change that!" Snape paused for a second or so, then shrieked, "No Draco! Don't do it! You'll get yourself killed and I couldn't bear it!" Snape smirked then said, "Oh no you don't! Stupefy! Stupefy!" Then Snape, using his real voice yelled, "Expelliarmus! Don't you dare Lucius! Leave Hogwarts at once!" Snape switched voices again and hissed, "Fine, but I'll get back at all of you someday, when you least expect it."  
  
Snape grinned at his work and went back to the Great Hall to find the teachers up and ready to aid him.  
  
"How are Miss Granger and Mr. Malfoy?" Dumbledore asked, though he knew it was all Severus's plan.  
  
"They are both unconscious in each other's arms. They were stunned and might require aid from Madame Pomfrey." Snape replied smoothly.  
  
"And Lucius?" Dumbledore asked.  
  
"He left by Floo Powder, the same way he came." Snape answered.  
  
Dumbledore, wanting to cause more trouble stated, "Argus, Please carry Mr. Malfoy to the hospital wing and Severus, please carry Miss Granger.  
  
Filch cried, "YOUPEE!!" and bolted toward Draco. Snape, on the other hand, looked appalled, but was blushing slightly at the same time. He obviously had enjoyed the snog more than he'd ever admit. "I won't." Snape replied with a final tone in his voice.  
  
"Why not?" Dumbledore challenged.  
  
"Because I don't want to. There are plenty of available people you can ask so ask one of them!" Snape replied, walking off quickly before Dumbledore could make him.  
  
"Oh fine." Dumbledore sighed in slight disappointment, "Mr. Longbottom, please take Miss Granger to Madame Pomfrey."  
  
Neville nodded and hurried off, tripping once.  
  
***  
  
Draco woke up to find himself being carried lovingly by.Filch! "AHHHHHGGGGGHHH!!! HELP ME!!! THE LUNATIC CARETAKER'S GOT ME IN HIS GRIP! HELP!!!" Draco yelled, punching Filch in the nose, "What happened to Granger?"  
  
Filch didn't release Draco. Instead, he gripped him tighter and purred, "Feisty aren't you, Draco, dear? I still love you though."  
  
"Who's so unkind that they instigated this torture?!" Draco cried in complete despair.  
  
"Wha's that you're sayin honey? You feel tortured when you're away from me? I understand darling and trust me, the feeling is mutual." Filch replied, giving Draco a kiss on the cheek.  
  
"Where are you taking me you disgusting bloody git?" Draco shouted.  
  
"To the Hospital Wing Draco." Filch replied fondly.  
  
"It's the other way, fifteen floors down!" Draco exploded.  
  
"I'm taking a detour. A longer way so then we can get to know each other better." Filch smiled lovingly.  
  
Filch's detour was circling the floor twice then going down a floor and circling that twice etc. Filch had a stupid grin on his face that was making Draco sick. For once, his self-pity was very fitting. "WHY ME???" Draco wailed in despair.  
  
***  
  
Hermione had a very painful awakening as her head collided into a wall. Hermione groaned loudly. "Oops! I'm so sorry Hermione! I'm a klutz if you haven't noticed yet." Came Neville's apologetic voice.  
  
"It's alright Neville." Hermione smiled weakly, "I'm fine though, I'll walk on my own."  
  
"But Dumbledore gave me orders to get you to the hospital wing! I have to!" Neville protested.  
  
"Then I'll walk to the hospital wing, okay?" Hermione asked.  
  
"Okay, but I'll walk you there." Neville replied.  
  
***  
  
Meanwhile, Snape was busy knocking out about twenty or so students. It was all part of his newly conceived plan to get Draco and Hermione together. After knocking out the twenty students (with the stunning spell), he erased their memories of him being the one who knocked them out. Then he carefully placed them all in a large circle then placed about six or seven of Fred and George's large fireworks in the centre. After doing this, he lit them and distanced himself and waited. They exploded, injuring the twenty people so they'd be out for at least two days. Snape smiled at his genius. "Perfect." He stated, conjuring up stretchers for each of the twenty students and bringing them to the Hospital Wing.  
  
"Madame Pomfrey, please attend to these students. They were in an accident with some sort of fireworks, by some immature student, no doubt." Snape stated.  
  
"Fireworks.what'll it be next? Bombs? Muggle guns?" Madame Pompfrey exclaimed menacingly.  
  
"I don't have the slightest clue. I'll leave now." Snape said curtly, turning to the door and leaving.  
  
His plan was working! All of the beds were now full, leaving only Pomfrey's bed and her guest bed open.Draco and Hermione would be stuck together.now where the hell were they?  
  
Finally, he heard footsteps approaching. He heard a conversation that amused him a bit. "Sorry Hermione!" then "It's alright, my foot'll just be bruised, nothing more."  
  
Snape quickly hid behind a statue and stunned Neville and Hermione. He quickly put Neville in a Broom closet. Then gave Hermione a series of cuts (using curses, not inappropriate ways of cutting) enough to make her have to stay in the Hospital Wing for a day. Wanting to add a few more days, he cast a spell that would make her cuts unhealable until he and only he reversed it. He kept Hermione unconscious until Draco arrived about forty- five minutes later yelling and trying the curse Filch and kill him.  
  
"LET GO OF ME YOU SICK PERVERTED FREAK! WHEN I GET MY WAND BACK, I'LL LITERALLY KILL YOU OR DISFIGURE YOU AS FAR AS I'M ALLOWED TO WITHOUT BEING PUT IN AZKABAN! LET ME GO YOU GODDAMN ASSHOLE!" Draco bellowed, as Filch was trying to nuzzle his hair.  
  
"But my sweet, you love it!" Filch cooed.  
  
"HELP ME! SOMEBODY? ANYBODY? COME ON, THIS IS CRUEL!" Draco begged.  
  
Snape chuckled quietly, then stunned Filch and Draco and performed the same spells he had on Hermione, but in slightly different spots. Then he conjured up stretchers and brought Draco and Hermione to Pomfrey like he had done so an hour ago.  
  
"This is just great! The only free bed left is the guest one! But who will get it?" Pomfrey asked to herself.  
  
"I think they should share a bed. no sense favouring one more. They can handle it, I'm sure. And I'm sure Albus would agree." Snape replied smoothly with an air of someone with logical sense.  
  
".Yes, alright." Pomfrey agreed reluctantly, "I suppose it is the best solution."  
  
Snape dropped Draco and Hermione off, close together and muttered a quick spell that would make their condition worsen when farther apart. Then he left.  
  
***  
  
Dumbledore, who pretty much knew exactly what went on at Hogwarts was amused at Snape's genius. Chuckling he spoke to himself, "Ah, so Severus is deciding to be the matchmaker.a rather odd job for him, seeing as how he never was a very romantic person. This'll be fun to watch and observe how Hermione and Draco progress."  
  
A/N: Was it at all surprising how Snape turned out to be the matchmaker? He's OOC (out of character), isn't he? Well tell me what you think by reviewing and sorry again for the LONG delay! 


	10. A Rude Awakening

Chapter 10: A Rude Awakening  
  
A/N: I'm Really sorry! I haven't updated like forever!!! Thank you guys so much for all of your nice reviews! You guys rock! Thanks to: Jinni Wolves, phoebe666, neat-lil-lucky-angel666, MirroredBeauty, Taintless, cockroach waltz, Cute-Kitty, diehard Draco Hermione, some12, Felton's Gurl, Red and Gold, SickGirl42, LiBlackDragon, Serena, The hope conspiracy, ilukaiba, Sperry-Dee, rwheezy-mm, Stella By Starlight, dracohermione-luver, Princess-Frances15, k-kat13, mirage05, Polish Princess, Lisha, Foxfiregirl, Debatingqueen, burgundyred, Gina, IsisFireDancer, Beeb, slammin-sorceress, Sylvan Tears, Wolfeh, princesspasadena, Crimson Dusk, LythTaeraneth, mysticrystal, blackrose1988 and CrazieAnimeGrl.  
  
And a few replies:  
  
Burgundyred: First off, thanks so much for the wonderful, really long, feedback-filled review! I love those ^-^! I'm really glad u like it so far! Not much humor in this chapter, so far, but a small Draco/Hermione bit! No more straying off to the "SSHG" plot. Thanks again for the review! Enjoy ^____^  
  
Taintless: ^____^ Thanks! I soooo love you! My very own interview! You should also interview yourself! You're the bestest, best, best, best, best, best, best dark author ever! I love Sevvie as the matchmaker too! I was thinking about what to do with him, then a lightbulb flickered in my head! I know it's completely OOC, but oh well, what the heck! Well, lotsa luv. YOUR biggest fan Brit ^-^  
  
Well, in honour of the PA day at school, enjoy!!! Also for all you wonderful reviewers! My FF buds~ ^_____________________^ -.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.- .-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-  
  
Snape occasionally checked on Draco and Hermione, three times a day to be exact, but he was fairly discreet about it. Usually once, he'd drop off some potions needed for the students in the filled hospital wing, though he never made enough. This ensured him a reason to be in the hospital wing. Other times, he just visited when he knew Madame Pomfrey was on break.  
  
***  
  
Dumbledore enjoyed watching Snape's behavior and sudden urge to be a matchmaker with amusement. He found it very funny and odd that Severus, who was usually an uptight, cold, cruel, Mudblood hater, was now being a matchmaker to a very unusual couple to have at Hogwarts; a Griffindor muggleborn and a Slytherin pureblood.  
  
***  
  
Many of the students had awakened, but their cuts couldn't seem to heal, as well as their burns.  
  
Madame Pomfrey was getting very pissed off at the fact that she couldn't seem to heal any of the students' wounds. "WHAT MADNESS IS THIS!" Pomfrey yelled to herself, "I know, I'll try more spells and get more potions!"  
  
***  
  
Hermione woke up in a warm place, eyes still closed. Being lazy, she decided not to get up yet and snuggled closer to the source of the warmth. What she didn't realize was that it was a person and Draco at that. Finally registering that the source of the warmth was bare skin, Hermione opened her eyes and let out a scream.  
  
***  
  
Draco awoke to find something snuggling up to him. Probably some hot girl. but he was a virgin! Opening his eyes, he found himself holding Hermione, who was looking at him in horror. He let out a yell.  
  
Then, both backed away from each other into opposite walls. Then both gasped because their cuts started hurting worse. "What's wrong with you Mudblood?" Draco sneered, hiding his true emotions as usual.  
  
"Did you feel an increase in pain?" Hermione asked.  
  
"No." Draco lied, "it's not like we're psychic siblings with the exact same feelings or something."  
  
"Then why did you gasp?" Hermione asked, curious.  
  
Draco thought, studying his surroundings, Hermione and himself. Hermione was in a T-shirt and underwear and he was in boxers. They were also in a room they'd never been in and all alone. Draco shrugged and stated, "Well, look at what you're wearing, then look at what I'm wearing, then tell me if you know where we are." as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.  
  
Hermione quickly studied her attire and blushed pink. Then she looked at Draco and her face reddened. Then she studied the room and frowned. "I don't recognize it, do you? Are we locked in or something?"  
  
"I'll check." Draco shrugged.  
  
Snape who'd been listening in on Draco and Hermione's conversation (it was two am) quickly charmed the door to be locked and unable to open unless by a teacher. Smirking he continued listening in on Draco and Hermione.  
  
"Damn it." He heard Draco say; "it's locked! Great, I'm stuck in here wandless, with a stupid Mudblood."  
  
Snape cast a charm on the door that allowed him to see what was happening between Draco and Hermione, but let him remain unseen. They were on opposite ends of the room. Draco was looking normal and Hermione was clutching one of her deeper cuts. "Hmmm.maybe I should make the spell less tame. I'll make the pain a killing painful when their on opposite ends of the room, a torturous pain when their closer, on opposite ends of the bed and very painful when they're both sitting on the bed, and just painful if they're at least holding hands and a medium pain when they're very close together, touching." He murmured to himself, "Yes.that's what I'll do."  
  
He worsened the spell and put a spell on the room to only allow him to hear what was going on (A/N: I doubt that such a spell exists, but like many other made-up spells I have, this is purely to help the story along.) and watched the spell take effect.  
  
The pain that Draco and Hermione had been feeling suddenly seemed to increase to an excruciating pain that made both wish they were dead. Hermione let out a shrill piercing scream, much like that of a banshee. Even Draco found himself yelling his brains out.  
  
Snape smirked. Soon they'd realize they HAD to be close together.  
  
Draco managed to crawl over to the bed. The pain faded a bit, but it was still torturous. He groaned, then called the screaming Hermione over. "The pain seems to lessen when you're on the bed." He stated as though every word was costing him a great effort.  
  
Hermione too, crawled over to the bed and sat down on an opposite end from Draco. It was still very painful but it was a lot better. Suddenly, a thought struck her. "Malfoy, move as far away from as possible then sit back on the bed." Hermione ordered weakly.  
  
"Why?" Draco asked, sneering, "You do it!"  
  
"Fine. I think that the pain we feel is mutual and that the closer we are, the less pain we experience." Hermione explained, still very weakly.  
  
"Fine, I'll move." Draco replied, though looking sour.  
  
Hermione's theory seemed right. The farther Draco got, the more they both experienced pain. Draco sat back down on the bed. "But what if it's the bed?" He asked with an air of superiority.  
  
"Get up, off the bed and back to that wall then." Hermione suggested, "We'll test your theory. I'll get closer to you, about the distance of the space on the bed."  
  
"Fine." Draco spat.  
  
He walked to the wall. Hermione walked towards him and the pain lessened. Soon they were about half a foot apart and the pain was lessening more. Experimentally, she touched Draco's hand lightly. To Draco's surprise and Hermione's confirmation, the pain wasn't at all bad any more, just painful, but bearable to the point where neither was groaning or screaming.  
  
"Well, there you have it." Hermione stated with an air of superiority, "the pain we experience depends on our closeness."  
  
"Great! I have to spend my time with a mudblood until the cuts heal." Draco groaned.  
  
Snape was watching on with a look of satisfaction and superiority, much like Hermione's expression. What he didn't realize though was that he was also being watched.by two others. "How long do you plan to keep them under that spell, wounds unhealable Severus?" A voice behind him asked.  
  
Snape whirled around quickly to face the amused face of Dumbledore. "How long have you been here?" Snape demanded.  
  
"The entire time my dear friend." Dumbledore replied merrily.  
  
An expression of dawning comprehension appeared on Snape's face. "You've known since I started this haven't you?"  
  
"You are quite good at voice imitations." Dumbledore complimented in a quiet voice, "afterall, you saved HER before with that talent." Dumbledore winked at this, telling Snape silently that they weren't alone.  
  
"Are you going to interfere as you always do Albus?" Snape asked equally as quietly.  
  
"No, I think those two together is an excellent idea. Griffindor and Slytherin have been enemies for ages. We should create a bridge." Dumbledore smiled, "I'm going to sleep now, you should too. Goodnight Severus." Dumbledore lowered his voice further, "and I'm very concerned for Draco, Argus has been stalking him, he's the one outside trying to stay hidden behind a statue right now."  
  
Snape let out a snicker. "Serves him right. After trying to act gay with everyone as a joke on us."  
  
"No, no Severus, you have it all wrong. It's Hermione who's the instigator of this. As a punishment to Draco, he owes her a favour which she made-up, a list of little stunts." Dumbledore replied, "Well, Goodnight!"  
  
With that, Dumbledore left a very stunned, fuming Snape.  
  
***  
  
Draco had an over-dramatic pathetically teary expression on his face. "Why me God? Why did you have to bond me to Granger?" He moaned.  
  
"Oh shut it, Malfoy. Just hug, or lean against me and go to sleep." Hermione snapped in an irritated voice.  
  
"You, unlike me enjoy being in the arms of someone who's of a way higher bloodline. I on the other hand refuse to be demoted." Draco stated haughtily.  
  
"You've already demoted yourself. I mean, snogging Snape?" Hermione replied dryly.  
  
"Well-" Draco spluttered, "you did too!"  
  
"Yes, but did it unwillingly." Hermione replied, "And I only did that. You on the other hand, you hugged, wrote letters, clung, begged, shall I say more?"  
  
"Oh shut up." Draco spat coldly.  
  
Hermione smirked, "I bet you love it."  
  
"As much as you enjoyed snogging Snape." Draco replied.  
  
Either way, he'd win. if Hermione said she didn't enjoy snogging Snape, then he wouldn't need to say he enjoyed the gay stunt. But if she said she'd enjoyed it, then he'd have a great bit of Hogwarts gossip. Hermione groaned inwardly, then replied, "So you hated it?"  
  
"No, really?" Draco retorted sarcastically.  
  
"Whatever." Hermione stated dryly, taking Draco's hand and dragging him to the bed, "I'm tired and need to sleep, so goodnight."  
  
With that, she threw an arm around Draco drew closer to him and fell asleep, leaving a very tense Draco.  
  
A/N: Hi! I'm really sorry I haven't updated for a LONG time! I have a feeling you want to soRta kill mE. Please refrain from doing so ^-^;;;. I'Ve had a block for awhIlE.Well.HoPe you enjoyed this chap. it's the first cute er.moment with Draco and Hermione! LovE to continue this pointless bAbble, but, got thingS to do.chaptErs to write! Didja get the unconcious message? Read between the lines, R&R! ^-^ Ja~ 


	11. Awkward Positions

Chapter 11: Awkward positions  
  
A/N: Hope you like this new chapter! Finally, A somewhat worthy Draco/Hermione scene! Tell me what you think later! I'd like to thank all of you for reviewing:  
  
neat-lil-lucky-angel666, S A K U R A22, crazy azn angel, mesmer, diehard Draco Hermione, Wolfeh, Taintless, IsisFireDancer, the hope conspiracy, Mz.Undastood-actress, PolishPrincess, blackrose1988, Silvan Tears, Shocker, rwheezy-mm, gaiamoore13, burgundyred, Sallymander, rochelle-88, phoebe666, Meg, Seraph Serpent, Rom, Ever, natyslacks, dracohermioneluver, Red and Gold, Feltons Gurl, RivanKnight, VoxLoS, and Gina!  
  
And here are my replies to some reviewers:  
  
Mz.Undastood-Actress: Thanks so much! I'm glad you like it so far! I just have a question for you. or ANYONE who can answer it. WHAT DOES ROTFLMAO STAND FOR? I've been trying to figure it out, but I have absolutely no clue! Please tell me!  
  
Burgundyred: Yes Snape is a geniius! He can use my made-up, story-aiding spells! Mwahahaha! ^-^ and sorry about the use of the word 'pain' so much! Yes, trust me to not use my thesaurus! Well, enjoy!  
  
Ever: Thanks! I'm touched! Love the CONTINUE part! Did you type it out that many times or copy over end over? ^-^  
  
Wolfeh: Glad u got it! I think you were the only one! So smart!  
  
Rwheezy-mm: Oh, That was Hermione. I think.. ^-^ dunno honestly!  
  
Well, that about sums up this annoying A/N! Hope you enjoy this chapter and PLEASE inform me if you know what ROTFLMAO means! Also tell me if I'm making them move too fast and if I should change the rating to R... -.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.- .-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-  
  
Hermione woke up and snuggled into her warm pillow, keeping her eyes closed. Her pillow seemed to tense underneath her. Hermione shrugged it off and wrapped her arms around the pillow. She heard an amused chuckle somewhere to her left. Then the one who chuckled suggested in an amused tone, "I think you can ask her politely to get off of you, Mr. Malfoy. I believe she's awake."  
  
Hermione's eyes snapped open and shot to her 'pillow'. She let out a small squeak of surprise then blushed a very bright shade of red. "Sorry Malfoy." She apologized, still very red.  
  
Draco rolled his eyes. "How about.I'm sorry that I strangled Draco to death causing him to get two hours of sleep because of his constant waking up due to Granger strangling, squeezing or snuggling which made poor Draco very uncomfortable and vowing to hex the ass off of Granger?" He growled.  
  
"Oops! Sorry Malfoy! I didn't mean to!" Hermione squeaked.  
  
He muttered something in which the words 'mudbloods' and 'stupid sleeping habits' were distinguishable.  
  
Dumbledore, who had been watching the entire time chuckled, catching Draco and Hermione's attention. He watched as Hermione amazingly grew even redder. "Good morning Miss Granger. Did you get a comfortable sleep?" He asked.  
  
"Er.I guess so?" Hermione asked, sitting up.  
  
"I didn't." Draco replied, glaring daggers at Hermione.  
  
"Well, seeing as how today's Sunday, I'll leave you two here. Mr. Malfoy, you can get some sleep." At this, Draco leaned on Hermione and nodded, "Miss Granger, I'll get Mr. Potter and Mr. Weasley to get you your homework or something to do. They've both been quite worried about you. But I advise you two to stay together. If you part, I believe you'll still experience that horrible pain. I'll leave you two now." Dumbledore stated, being interrupted by a growling noise. Then he added, "Would you like breakfast?"  
  
"Yes please, sir." Hermione replied immediately, grinning sheepishly.  
  
"And you Mr. Malfoy?" Dumbledore asked.  
  
Draco didn't reply. He had fallen asleep on Hermione's chest and looked rather comfortable. Hermione blushed, "I think he's asleep."  
  
Dumbledore chuckled, "Are you alright Miss Granger?"  
  
Hermione nodded stiffly.  
  
"Alright. I'll get someone to bring you breakfast, then get Harry and Ron to deliver you your books and homework." Dumbledore replied, walking out the door.  
  
***  
  
As Dumbledore was closing the door, he heard a snore. Filch was still there, asleep. Apparently, he had stayed the night, watching Draco and Hermione. He was clutching something beneath him (he was on his stomach and drooling all over the floor.  
  
Dumbledore, curious, retrieved the object Filch was clutching. He sweatdropped and nearly fell down; it was a voodoo doll that looked vaguely like Draco and a photograph of Draco where he cut out a picture of himself and stuck it beside Draco. Poor pathetic old Filch.  
  
Shrugging, he put the photograph and the voodoo Draco back where he found them and loudly cleared his throat, "Ahem."  
  
Filch rolled over and moaned, "Draco, don't stop."  
  
Dumbledore sweatdropped and someone behind him gagged. He turned around to find Harry wide-eyed, an expression of disgust on his face. Ron who was behind him was the source of the gagging.  
  
Both quickly regained their composure. "Um, Professor Dumbledore, can we see Hermione yet?" Harry asked in a pleading tone.  
  
"Yeah, please? We haven't been allowed since now!" Ron complained.  
  
"Alright, on one condition. Bring her and Mr. Malfoy their homework and books. I have a feeling they're going to be in there for awhile." Dumbledore replied, his eyes twinkling in amusement.  
  
"Yes sir." They replied in unison, rushing off.  
  
***  
  
Hermione shifted uncomfortably. The blonde Slytherin on her chest wrapped his arms around her and snuggled deeper into her breasts. Hermione stiffened and tried to gently move Draco away, but he wouldn't budge. Hermione squirmed around a little, but soon realized that the only thing that happened was that Draco would tighten his grip on her. Sighing, Hermione gave up. "Guess it's payback. Man, he must've been uncomfortable too." Hermione muttered to herself.  
  
The door opened and Snape came in, carrying a tray, grumbling about him being a slave. "here's your breakf-Oh. am I interrupting anything Miss Granger?" Snape smirked.  
  
Hermione blushed, then glared, "Is that my breakfast?"  
  
Snape nodded, the smirk never leaving his face.  
  
"Then may I have my breakfast now. sir?" Hermione demanded.  
  
"Sure." He replied, "Have fun! Potter and Weasley will be coming up shortly. I'd love to see their expressions, but."  
  
With that he walked out.  
  
"Damn." Hermione cursed softly.  
  
***  
  
As soon as Snape reached his private quarters, he let out a truly sinister laugh. "Mwahahahahaha Bwahahahahahahahahahahah! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahah! Severus, you're a genius! You expert voice-impersonator! Mwahahahahaahahahahahaha!"  
  
"Er. are you okay Professor?" A voice asked.  
  
Snape quickly regained his composure. "Er, yes. I was just overjoyed at the fact that my potion for, er greasier hair worked."  
  
"Um, okay."  
  
"Shoot. Note to self, next time you do a sinister laugh, do it with silencing wards on your room Severus." Snape said to himself, watching the first year hurry off, "Damn."  
  
***  
  
"YES! We finally get to visit Hermione provided we bring her and Malfoy their homework, books and change of clothes!" Harry exclaimed once they'd turned the corner.  
  
"I'm coming too!" Ginny piped in out of nowhere.  
  
Both jumped in surprise before sighing in relief  
  
"Fine." Ron replied.  
  
The three set off to the Hospital Wing immediately talking the whole way.  
  
"Do you think it's true?" Ginny asked.  
  
"What's true?" Ron replied in a questioning tone.  
  
"That Hermione and Malfoy are in love." Ginny answered.  
  
"I don't think so, I hope not." Ron stated darkly.  
  
Melissa Black, a first year griffindor suddenly came up to Harry, Ron and Ginny. "Are you guys going to the dungeons?"  
  
Harry frowned, "No why?"  
  
"I'd avoid Snape for now. He just went crazy and laughed like a maniac saying how he's a great voice-impersonator. He's crazy, honestly."  
  
The trio frowned in confusion.  
  
"Voice impersonator?" Ginny asked dumbly.  
  
Suddenly, a puzzle piece clicked into Harry's brain. "I think I get it. Snape was making Hermione and Malfoy seem in love. They aren't really. He was impersonating Hermione Malfoy and Malfoy's Dad. But why?" He stated in realization.  
  
"Oh." Said Ginny quietly.  
  
"I don't know. That's so unsnapelike." Ron commented.  
  
"We'll figure it out later. Right now, let's get to Hermione!" Harry exclaimed.  
  
Ginny, Harry and Ron tried to dash off, but the combined mass of Hermione and Malfoy's books were just too heavy. They ended up having to walk.  
  
***  
  
Hermione started eating, careful not to get any on Draco or the bed. She tried not t move much because of Draco's habit of snuggling deeper into her chest with every movement, but it was hard. She gave up on eating after half a pancake.  
  
Sighing she looked down at Draco. "Did you have this much trouble with me when I was asleep?" She asked softly.  
  
She studied his face expecting the normal cold expression, the only difference being his eyes closed, but it was peaceful looking, which shocked her. She lightly brushed some hair off his face. For some reason, his grip loosened slightly. Then she heard the door open then a very loud thud and a few gasps and another thud. (A/N: * groans * Man this is so cliché Draco/Hermione. How.unoriginal)  
  
Harry, Ron and Ginny had all dropped the books they were carrying, mouths all gaping. The second thud was Ron falling down from shock. No one said a thing for what seemed like forever. Finally, The silence was broken by Harry clearing his throat, then all four started speaking at once.  
  
"What's going on Hermione?" Asked Harry as Hermione said, "It's not what it seems." Blended in with Ginny's, "This'll be good gossip." And Ron's, "I think I'm going to be sick."  
  
Then everyone's, "Pardon?"  
  
"After you, but try to be quiet, Malfoy's asleep." Hermione said.  
  
Another round of gaping mouths occurred.  
  
"Wha-what's going on between you and Malfoy anyway?" Ron asked with an expression of disgust on his face.  
  
"Nothing." Hermione replied truthfully.  
  
"Can I ask something?" Harry asked.  
  
"Isn't that what you just did anyway?" Hermione replied in a teasing tone, "Just kidding.go ahead, shoot."  
  
"Why do you even care if Malfoy gets his sleep?" Harry asked.  
  
Hermione grinned sheepishly. "Because I kept him up all night." She replied.  
  
More gaping occurred. "Y-you did what?!" Ron exclaimed.  
  
"I kept him up all night.Oh!" Hermione explained, blushing in realization at how her phrase could be easily misperceived.  
  
"Oh what?" Ron demanded.  
  
"You guys have dirty minds. I didn't keep him up all night THAT way!" Hermione explained, watching the tension in everyone ease visibly, but not much.  
  
"Then how did you 'keep him up all night'?" Harry asked.  
  
Hermione blushed, "Well. um.apparently, I was constantly snuggling up into his chest, like he's doing right now. And it made him really uncomfortable so he was stiff all night and got like an hour of sleep, but I slept well."  
  
"I don't get it, why didn't he just push you off and why don't you push him off?" Ginny asked.  
  
"I can't. For some reason, our bodies go through excruciating stress, when we're apart from each other and only is mild when we're together.touching." Hermione explained.  
  
"Why would that happen?" Ron asked.  
  
Hermione shifted slightly, causing Draco's head to nuzzle her breast. She turned very red. "I-I think it's because of a spell, but I don't know who did it and which spell it is." She replied shakily.  
  
"I don't either, but we'll figure it out for you." Harry stated, "Why don't you just shift his head a bit?"  
  
Hermione agreed, "Good idea."  
  
She quickly moved his head from in between her breasts. Draco drooled on the base of her neck causing Hermione to go a brighter red. "I wonder if I was this much trouble t him." She commented.  
  
Draco re-snuggled into her chest, a content look on his face. "Mmmm" He mumbled.  
  
Ginny giggled and Hermione shot her a death-glare. "Oh yeah, one question. How did I get these injuries anyway?" She asked.  
  
"We don't know, but we know how the rumor about you and Draco in love started." Harry replied.  
  
Hermione sat up suddenly, more straight. Draco's arms tightened around her. "Can't.breathe." She gasped.  
  
Remembering what happened before, she gently brushed his hair with her fingers. Like before, his grip loosened slightly. Smiling in relief, she asked, "What rumor?"  
  
"That first year, Melissa, said that Snape was going hysterical calling himself a great voice-impersonator." Harry replied.  
  
"I'm going to kill him when I get out." Hermione vowed, "So, is that my homework?"  
  
"Yours and Malfoy's." Ron replied.  
  
After awhile, Harry, Ron and Ginny left and Malfoy woke up.  
  
***  
  
Draco woke up on something warm and soft. Smiling, he put his hand on his pillow and closed his eyes again, oblivious to his surroundings. Oblivious until a voice gasped in a high-pitched tone, "Um, Malfoy? Are you awake? Can you um, move your hand away from my, well, you know?"  
  
Draco decided to make Hermione even more uncomfortable. Smirking inwardly, he moved his other hand lower. Hearing Hermione gasp and stiffen, he continued. He shifted around until his lips were about an inch away from the base of her neck.  
  
Hermione shifted. "Malfoy.Malfoy, um wake up." Hermione said softly, running her fingers through his hair.  
  
Draco stiffened a slight bit. 'What's she doing?' He thought, 'better pretend to wake up now."  
  
Draco stirred and pretended to groggily get up, his hands still where he left them. "Huh?" He asked.  
  
"Glad you're awake, now get your hands off me!" Hermione ordered.  
  
Draco pretended to be surprised as he looked up. Then he sneered, "You're lucky I'm even near you. This is the only time a decent pureblood will ever touch a pathetic mudblood like you."  
  
He took his hands off and sat down beside her, their sides touching. That's when he noticed the huge pile of books, to his right. "It's our homework." Hermione replied, as if reading his mind.  
  
He noticed another pile to the left, Hermione's pile. She seemed to be about halfway through finishing it. He frowned in disapproval at his pile. "When's it all due?" He asked.  
  
"Some tomorrow, some in a week. It varies." Hermione replied, shrugging.  
  
Draco nodded and didn't say anything to Hermione for awhile and both kept to themselves. Draco started doing his homework as well, but nearly fell asleep in his effort to read the textbook pages that Professor Vector had assigned. "Damn stupid arithmancy." Draco muttered to himself.  
  
"What?! But arithmancy is so much fun!" Hermione exclaimed in disbelief as if an arithmancy-hater was impossible.  
  
"Only to you Granger." Draco replied, rolling his eyes.  
  
"I can help you if you want. I'm pretty much done everything except the last four inches of my ancient runes assignment." Hermione suggested.  
  
"Uh...no." Draco retorted, "I don't need any help."  
  
"You surprise me. You strike me as the type of person who copies and mooches off others." Hermione commented.  
  
"Well, I don't." Draco replied coldly, turning back to his book.  
  
At that moment, the door burst open and in came Filch, Draco doll and all. Catching sight of Draco, he gasped in excitement (with a slight girly air) and rushed t him. "Oh Draco darling, are you okay honey?" He cried, "I've been so worried about you! You've been unconscious for like ever!"  
  
Hermione snickered at the look of disgusted horror in Draco's eyes. She eyed the roughly hand-made Draco doll and large frame with a picture of Draco with Filch pasted beside him and cracked up laughing. Draco glared at Hermione. "This isn't funny, it's disgusting!" He hissed in her ear.  
  
Hermione quieted down eventually. That's when she realized that Draco had his arms wrapped around her.  
  
Filch came dashing up to Draco and hugged him. "I've missed you Drakey." He sighed.  
  
"Well I don't love you idiot. Can't you see that I'm already seeing someone?" He snapped, his eyes displaying disgust and his face a mix between disgust, anger and slight worry.  
  
"No you aren't! You love me!" Filch wailed.  
  
What happened next was sudden and surprising to Hermione. Draco, in a flash had tilted her head up and lowered his head so their lips met.  
  
"You two are faking!" Filch yelled.  
  
Draco saw Hermione's eyes widen and flashed her a pleading look with his eyes. Hermione relaxed and closed her eyes, which Draco took as a yes. Draco pulled her body closer to his and deepened the kiss. He almost pulled away in surprise when Hermione responded.  
  
***  
  
Unfortunately for Draco and Hermione, Harry, Ron and Ginny had returned.this time with Hagrid as well. Snape also happened to be checking up.  
  
"What are you doing her Snape?" Harry demanded, still oblivious to what was happening with his best friend and worst enemy.  
  
"I'm here to deliver potions to Madame Pomfrey. But that's besides the point. Why are you four here?" Snape retorted smoothly.  
  
"We're here to see Hermione." All four replied in unison.  
  
Just then, Pansy Parkinson came in as well. "Is Drakey-poo alright?!" She wailed.  
  
"Well why are we all standin her'?" Hagrid asked, "Let's visit them!"  
  
"May I ask you something Professor Snape?" Ron broke in.  
  
"No." He replied coldly.  
  
Ron ignored Snape, "So, why'd you impersonate Hermione, Malfoy and Mr. Malfoy?"  
  
Snape flushed, then regained his composure. "I did not." He hissed, walking away.  
  
The tension eased visibly as Snape left.  
  
"Now let's visit Hermione!" Ginny exclaimed.  
  
Filch had just walked out clutching his Draco doll and portrait of Him and Draco.  
  
Harry and Ron looked at each other and cracked up. Ginny and Pansy started giggling and Hagrid stated, "unhealthy obsession..."  
  
After the five had calmed down, they entered the room which Draco and Hermione were occupying.  
  
***  
  
"I'm not convinced Draco dear." Filch stated, though his tone of voice was uncertain, "But I must leave now."  
  
When he left, Draco and Hermione let out sighs of relief. Both were blushing and neither said a thing.  
  
Then the door burst open with Pansy leading. Draco looked slightly alarmed and he re-attached his lips to Hermione. Hermione rolled her eyes and went back into Draco-kissing mode.  
  
Harry, Ron, Ginny, Hagrid and Pansy's jaws dropped and all were rendered speechless.  
  
Draco felt Hermione's lips part and he entered her mouth. Hermione gasped in surprise, eyes shooting open in surprise. Luckily, Draco was leaning over her, so no one noticed. Draco flashed her a warning look and she relaxed. Then Draco became surprised as opposed to Hermione when she started responding to Draco's exploring by starting to explore his mouth. It became a battle of tongues, both exploring every nook and cranny in the other's mouth.  
  
Finally, Pansy burst into tears and fled.  
  
Draco gave Hermione's lip a final nip and they broke apart. Draco suddenly paled and jolted upright and yelled after Pansy, "DON'T YOU DARE TELL MY FATHER ABOUT THIS OR I'LL KILL YOU! LITERALLY! AND I'LL MAKE YOUR LIFE LIVING HELL!"  
  
But Pansy hadn't heard. "DAMN!" Draco cursed. At this, he lifted Hermione off the bed and over his shoulder, then chased Pansy down the hall.  
  
Ron, Harry, Hagrid and Ginny finally got over their shock and hurried after Malfoy.  
  
A/N: ^-^ Finally done this chapter! It's longer than the last one, isn't it? Am I moving it along too quickly? Should I change the rating to R? Please, I need constructive feedback!!! But comments, questions, concerns, flames are welcome just the same. Merry Christmas! 


	12. Obstacles in the way

Chapter 12: Obstacles in the way  
  
A/N: Yay! I past the 400 mark review-wise! Thank you all SO much!! I really appreciate all of your reviews! Did you all have a good holiday? Well, thanks to:  
  
Dracohermioneluver, PolishPrincess, xangel_luvx, Mistake, crazy_azn_angel, Moonstone-Charon, natyslacks, gaiamoore12, FrozenFlames, prettywoman, Rimmi, Darcicy, burgundyred, nobody knows., aka-whatever1213, Sylvan Tears, Meg, k-kat13, RivanKnight, firefoxgirl, Sweet Sere, ~*~chicka~*~, Red and Gold, Romm, karena, neat-lil-lucky-angel666, LimeJuiceTub, Jen, Gina, CrazieAnimeGrl, ebony river too lazy to log in, HikariChang, rwheezy-mm, Sallymander, phoebe666, kippinator and Tears-That-Fall!  
  
Thank you to all the people who answered my rotflmao question! I was surprised that so many people answered! That's because I usually scroll past the author notes though ^-^;;;  
  
Anyway, here are my replies to some:  
  
Natyslacks: Oh! I'm really sorry! I completely forgot about e-mailing! O.o;;; I know this is a lame excuse, but I was in a hurry.actually, I just forgot, cos I was busy eating ^-^;;; Sorry bout that! Yup! I'm definitely excited about PoA coming out! I can't wait! Thanks for the reviews and enjoy!  
  
Rimmi: Thanks for all the reviews! And all the constructiveness in each! Constructiveness isn't a word, is it? ^-^;;; You aren't gross, I've imagined a few things bout Draco too, gives me fanfic ideas! Yup, I agree with Dumbledore and Snape being OOC on that one!  
  
Burgundyred: Good point! There's now way I can turn this into an angsty Draco-Mudblood-Evil-Daddy sorta thing. That just wouldn't fit! It'd be like mixing oil and water! And thanks! I forgot about their injuries, that would've been weird. Injured sprinters. Oxymoron! Good point on the kissing thing! I see what you mean. those get a bit odd, don't they? I'll tone down the kissing. Once again, I'm glad you love the OOC Snape.he and Filch are my favorite characters to write in this fic.. ^-^  
  
Nobody knows.: Sorry! I'll try to stop the kissy-nasty thing.  
  
Well, that's all, I'm out for now! Enjoy! NOOOOO!!! School's starting again!!!!!!!  
  
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Draco realized as he began trying to chase after Pansy that his injuries (and the spell Snape had cast over Hermione and himself) prevented him from doing anything aside from limping and wincing as he frequently fell down.  
  
Harry, Ron, Ginny and Hagrid easily caught up to the struggling couple.  
  
***  
  
Meanwhile, back in the Hospital Wing, Snape who had witnessed the entire thing was doing his best not to let out another sinister laugh. Miss Granger and Mr. Malfoy would be together sooner than he thought. He rubbed his hands together in replacement to laughing. Then he uncharacteristically skipped out of the hospital wing in a somewhat gay manner, following the limping couple and quartet.  
  
***  
  
Draco realized as he began trying to chase after Pansy that his injuries (and the spell Snape had cast over Hermione and himself) prevented him from doing anything aside from limping and wincing as he frequently fell down.  
  
Harry, Ron, Ginny and Hagrid easily caught up to the struggling couple.  
  
"What are you trying to do Malfoy?" Ron demanded coldly, referring to the snogging event that had just gone on.  
  
Draco paused for a moment, then replied, "Good point Weasley." He paused, "Where's my wand?"  
  
"What are you trying to do, first of all?" Harry asked.  
  
"Isn't it obvious? I'm going somewhere private to snog Granger. Ah, no! I'm trying to stop phsycho-bitch over there from notifying everyone of a relationship that doesn't exist!" Draco replied sarcastically.  
  
"Oh." Harry replied as if he completely understood Draco's explanation, "you're a retard! Let go of Hermione!"  
  
"No way!" Draco and Hermione exclaimed in unison.  
  
"Why can't yer let go of each other?" Hagrid asked, knitting his eyebrows in confusion.  
  
"My legs are killing me." Draco stated quietly to Hermione.  
  
"My right side is hurting a bit for me." Hermione replied, "lower me. We can either shuffle back to back, face to face, or both facing one way."  
  
"Face to face. That way, we can both see each other's legs." Draco and Hermione replied at the same time as if reading each other's minds.  
  
Draco lowered Hermione until they both were standing face to face. Draco wrapped his arms around Hermione's waist and Hermione wrapped her arms around Draco's back. Draco barely hid his smirk when he saw the stunned faces of Hermione's friends.  
  
Deciding to play with Harry, Ron, Ginny and Hagrid's tiny minds, he leaned his head on Hermione's and kept his mouth shut about the spell that was cast over Hermione and himself.  
  
"Wh-what the hell's going on?" Ron spluttered.  
  
"They look like a couple to me." Said Snape from behind the quartet, startling all four.  
  
"Well, we aren't! This is all part of some sort of scheme YOU made up! I'm positive!" Hermione accused coldly, lunging for Snape to attempt to kill him.  
  
Unfortunately for Hermione, and luckily for Snape, his spell was still in effect, so both Draco and Hermione suddenly yelped in pain. Tears sprang to Hermione's eyes and Draco was cursing.  
  
Snape smirked but quickly replaced it with a lip curl. "You think I would plot something against you?" Snape asked in an innocent voice, knowing this would further piss Hermione off.  
  
She took the bait and managed to wrap her hands around Snape's neck after a quick, painful dash at him, "Go to hell you bastard!". But immediately, a blinding agony shot through her touching and squeezing what felt like every nerve. Draco and Hermione screamed bloody murder, but Hermione (amazingly), managed to keep a firm grip on Snape's neck while screaming.  
  
"Granger, where are you?" Draco yelled in choked yells.  
  
"Here!" She choked through her screams.  
  
Draco immediately made a desperate leap towards the sound. He was still feeling an intense tension in his nerves, but he could see again.  
  
Hermione also regained her sight and began choking her professor. Draco tried to make it all the way to Hermione, but found he was being blocked by something rather smelly, someone rather.  
  
He opened his eyes to find himself being supported by none other than his new worst nightmare. Filch. He screamed bloody murder.  
  
"Aww, it's okay, Draco dear. Your old love-machine Argus will take care of you! Did that wretched girl, what's her name- Grungy hurt you? I'll take her place Drakey." Filch cooed.  
  
"NOOOOO!!!!" Draco shouted, regaining his composure, though experience a huge amount of pain.  
  
"Yes, I know you're traumatized by that monster, Grungy." Filch responded.  
  
***  
  
Meanwhile, Hermione had also kneed Snape as hard as she could in the spot where it mattered, threw his wand aside and was still choking him. "What did you do?" She demanded, still choking with pain.  
  
Snape grabbed her arms and managed to get free, throwing Hermione off of him. Hermione screamed in agony as she collided with the floor. "I did nothing." He spat, "a hundred points from Griffindor and a weeks worth of detention. Also, I'm waiting for an apology."  
  
Hermione seemed to go back into normal mode. "Sorry professor! I made a wrong accusation and jumped to conclusions!" She said meekly, barely audible, "I'm really sorry!"  
  
"Hmph!" Snape huffed, grabbed his wand and turned, walking away, billowing black robes and all.  
  
Hermione panted and refocused her blurry vision on Draco who was with Filch, again.  
  
"Yes, I know you're traumatized by that monster, Grungy." Filch commented soothingly, though not soothing to Draco.  
  
"Her name is GRANGER! Please help me someone! And no, she's not a monster, YOU ARE! Let me go!" Draco roared, pulling away from Filch as if he was fire.  
  
But nobody out of the quartet liked Draco remotely and were just enjoyingg the scene, wishing they had popcorn.  
  
Draco leapt for Hermione, this time reaching her successfully. The tension in their nerves eased and left them sweating in each other's embrace. Hermione who had been crying was still doing so silently into Draco's shirt. "That killed." She stated, whimpering, "don't let go of me or let me go again."  
  
She continued crying into Draco's shirt. Draco, not knowing what to do, patted her head awkwardly, though a little too hard and said soothingly in her ear, "Shhh-er, shut up Granger, it's okay. we're not in raw agony at the moment. Besides, you develop these awful puffy eyes while crying and you're going to make my front cold and damp. Shhh, it's okay. hmmm, we need showers, we're both sweaty and this isn't some R-rated fairy-tale where sweat always smells and tastes sweet."  
  
Obviously, Draco's sentence didn't fit well with his low soothing tone of voice. "Oww! Malfoy, you're hurting my head and cusing me to lose braincells! Plus, only the 'shh, it's okay' fits with the tone you were using. But I agree on the shower comment." Hermione whined, her tone changing completely, "but still, stick to the 'shhh it's okay's."  
  
"I can't be sappy, so sue me!" Draco replied sarcastically.  
  
Hermione smiled thankfully, "Sorry, I'll stop criticizing now. That was sweet of you, thanks."  
  
Filch had been watching the entire time which Draco just noticed. He also noticed the triumphant look in Filch's eyes. 'Damn.' Draco thought, 'he heard us call each other by our surnames.'  
  
Draco smiled at Hermione. "No prob, anything for you Hermione." He replied, emphasizing the Hermione part.  
  
Noticing Hermione's surprised look, he leaned down into what looked like a romantic gesture and whispered in her ear, "It's Filch again.help."  
  
Hermione barely suppressed a giggle and replied, "Come Draco, let's go find Parkinson."  
  
"Alright, love." He replied affectionately.  
  
The romantic moment was somehow ruined by Draco and Hermione shuffling off as if on defense in basketball, but with less bent legs. They had just turned the corner, when they heard Filch growl and stalk off. Then they heard the quartet who'd been following them draw nearer. That's when both let out the breaths they weren't aware they'd been holding.  
  
Ron rounded the corner and demanded, "So, what the hell's going on?"  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes, then stated with sugary sweetness, "Isn't it obvious? Draco and I are in love with each other!" then she snorted and her tone became sarcastic, "Not! As if!"  
  
Harry crossed his arms over his chest and asked, "Well, we have no clue except that you and Malfoy can't seem to get enough of each other. Enlighten us, what's going on?"  
  
Draco smirked at the confused and agitated quartet. "Let me explain." He replied, "You see, the night that Granger and I woke up, we experienced this great pain and discovered that it depended on our closeness. We can't be physically apart or we start experiencing an agonizing pain. And us wanting to minimize the pain as much as possible, well, let's say I hit a home run."  
  
Hermione who had been nodding along to Draco's explanation coughed and spluttered, "WHAT?!"  
  
Draco raised an eyebrow at Hermione, "What? Oh, sorry, my mistake, just third base."  
  
"We-we didn't. fornicate!" Hermione protested.  
  
"You don't remember? Pomfrey seemed to have given us lust potions rather that healing potions and we went at it! Well, come to think of it, you DID have a much higher dosage that me, so you must have forgotten, but man. I never knew you were that good. Well, for a mudblood of course." Draco replied thoughtfully, as if remembering the event that had never occurred.  
  
Harry, Ron, Hagrid and Ginny seemed to have blanched. This was too easy. Even Hermione stiffened. But not for the reason Draco thought she had. "YOU IDIOT!" Hermione screamed in anger, "NOW LOOK WHAT YOU DID!"  
  
Draco looked down at the fuming Griffindor, puzzled. "What'd I do?" He asked.  
  
"You've just let the biggest Hogwarts gossip spreaders get a completely, utterly untrue story!" Hermione shrieked, pointing down the hall.  
  
Draco said one word, agreeing with Hermione, "Shit." As Parvati Patil and Lavender Brown turned a corridor.  
  
Hermione tried to storm off, but Draco held her tightly to him. "Let me go!" She whined.  
  
"No way! I'm not going through that blinding pain again." Draco retorted.  
  
"Great, just great." Hermione fumed, "I'm SO getting you back!"  
  
"Whatever, let's just get to Parkinson now!" Draco replied, changing the subject, "besides, that list of annoying dares is already payback enough."  
  
"Fine." Hermione spat, "Anyone have a wand on them?"  
  
"I do." Harry replied, taking it out of his pocket.  
  
"Summon Parkinson here." Hermione instructed, "I'm sure you know the charm.  
  
Harry smiled and nodded, "Accio Pansy Parkinson!"  
  
He focused on the pug-faced troll and soon he heard her zooming straight for the group. Unfortunately for Pansy, she had been in a room with the door closed, so she had received pretty bad injuries, having crashed through her dormitory door and her common room door (made of brick). She was bleeding and unconscious.  
  
"Ooops! Er, Hagrid, maybe take her to the Hospital Wing." Hermione advised sheepishly, "now that she's out of the way, we just have to wait and see if she's caused any damage yet."  
  
Everyone agreed that they'd seen nothing and that Hagrid had found her apparently jinxing a bludger.  
  
With that, Draco and Hermione returned to the Hospital Wing.  
  
"I've GOT to shower! I haven't since I got into the Hospital Wing!" Draco stated firmly.  
  
"Me too, but there's just that slight problem of us having to go through intense pain when physically apart!" Hermione replied, rolling her eyes.  
  
"Let's try it together." Draco suggested.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Hermione wailed.  
  
And so the showering nightmare began.  
  
A/N: Ooookaaayy. somewhat short chapter, no? The next chapter will be in a tub, but nothing nasty. and I'm NOT making Hermione have a perfect body that Draco gawks at then falls in love with. or vice versa. LOL, see ya! R&R! Any type welcome! 


	13. Bathtime!

Chapter 13: Bathtime!  
  
A/N: I'm sorry for taking so long to update! I haven't had much time and will probably update less. The truth is, I'm sort of losing interest in this fic. I'll still update it, but at odd times... not so often.  
  
Thank you all for the reviews! I really appreciate them and sorry again for the delay. -.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.- .-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-  
  
"I'm not showering with you!" Hermione exclaimed.  
  
"Well, I'm not, not showering! It's nasty having to shower with a Mudblood, but when you're dirtier than a Mudblood, there's a problem." Draco argued.  
  
"That's not the problem! The problem is being in a bathtub, nude, with a male! And you nonetheless! I'm NOT doing that!" Hermione protested.  
  
"Bathing suits Granger, bathing suits." Draco replied.  
  
"No way!" Hermione retorted, eyes flashing.  
  
"Too bad!" Draco shouted, picking up a struggling Hermione and his wand.  
  
"Lemme go!" Hermione sputtered indignantly.  
  
Draco ignored her and headed towards the Prefect bathroom. Hermione struggled the entire way, causing many passing students to raise questioning eyebrows. "Oh, I see, you two are still doing the acting thing?" A passing Hufflepuff winked knowingly.  
  
"Huh?" Draco asked.  
  
"There's a great place to be in private near the kitchens... I'd go there to snog. See ya!" The Hufflepuff replied, walking off.  
  
"WE AREN'T AN ITEM!" Hermione yelled. The Hufflepuff girl hadn't heard, but Cho Chang's friend Marietta did. "Oh sure." She said coldly, balaclava still over her face, "I bet you've already lost your innocence. In fact, I'm sure of it. I'm going to get back at you Granger, mark my words...somehow, I will."  
  
With one more hiss and a glare, Marietta turned on her heel and left.  
  
"IT'S YOUR FAULT FOR SCREWING UP DA!" Hermione shouted after her.  
  
Draco shrugged and limped onwards toward the bathroom. Upon reaching the washroom, they noticed that someone was inside. Both Draco and Hermione's jaws dropped. Ron was in the pool-sized tub, doing some sorta jig, singing the song, 'Money, that's what I want'.  
  
After recovering from the initial shock, Draco and Hermione fell down laughing. Ron whirled around and turned redder than his hair. "Weasley....- hips...." Draco choked, as Hermione added, "swaying ...so....girlishly! .... And....song..." Hermione cracked up, clinging onto Draco's robe, "so ... fitting... and... out of tone!" Draco finished.  
  
Then both stated, "I'll be scarred for life!"  
  
Ron stammered, "H-how much did y-you see?"  
  
"From the 'Money...that's what I like...' part." Hermione laughed as Draco imitated the swaying of the hips. Both collapsed into each other's arms laughing so hard that tears were coming out of both of their eyes.  
  
Hermione and Draco didn't even notice that Ron was nude. They were just preoccupied laughing at the hilarity of what they'd just witnessed. "I'm remembering that forever! Ronald Weasley, the amazing singing sensation!" Draco stated, much like Ron had when he had been turned into a ferret.  
  
Hermione broke into a fit of giggles, "Same." She managed to finally catch sight of Ron, "Sorry Ron, but it WAS very funny."  
  
"Oh, sod off!" Ron hissed, very red with embarrassment and anger.  
  
Ron snatched his towel and wrapped it around his bare waist. "I'm leaving." Ron stated, walking away.  
  
After Ron left, Draco and Hermione broke into more laughter. "That, was funny." Hermione commented.  
  
"That's one thing we both agree on." Draco replied, doing another imitation as Hermione joined in. They were back to back imitating Ron. Some would say, 'Poor Ron.' But unless you were a dementor or something, you'd find it funny. Even Voldemort would.  
  
"So, how do you propose we bathe?" Hermione asked.  
  
"Um, with water and soap." Draco replied sarcastically.  
  
"Really! I'm not bathing nude or up against the likes of you!" Hermione spat.  
  
Draco pointed his wand at Hermione and said, "Silencio."  
  
It was funny watching Hermione yelling and yelling to try to make a sound. She was red in the face and strangling Draco, mouthing, "Remove this stupid charm!"  
  
Draco waved his wand and removed the charm. Then he stated dully, "Petrificus totalus." As she started yelling, then stated, "Accio swim trunks." A pair of swim trunks came zooming towards him, seconds later. Then he charmed the trunks onto himself.  
  
Then he removed the spell and stated, "I'm not leaving, so enjoy the pain... otherwise, get a swimsuit on and hurry the hell up!"  
  
Hermione didn't budge, so Draco pushed her into the pool-sized tub with him, soaking her from head to toe. "MALFOY!" She yelled.  
  
"What?" Draco asked as if he hadn't done anything.  
  
"I want a bathing suit! This clothes is weighing me down!" She screamed.  
  
"Fine. Accio nearby swimsuit!" He bellowed.  
  
Unfortunately, Pansy had just gotten out of the Hospital Wing and was going for a bathso she came crashing through the door in her polka dot bikini.  
  
"Duck!" Hermione yelled, pulling her and Draco under water to the left.  
  
Pansy came splashing in and the water was starting to turn red because she was bleeding... again.  
  
"Oops" Draco stated.  
  
"Let's get out of the water. I don't want her blood messing me up." Hermione said coldly.  
  
"Fine, one of our common rooms then." Draco shrugged.  
  
"How about none." Hermione replied, "But first lets take that cow to the Hospital Wing.  
  
"No way! I'm not working that hard for her!" Draco spat, levitating Pansy, "I'm leaving her on the stairs... everyone goes there and someone's bound to see her on our way to your common room."  
  
"My common room?" Hermione asked.  
  
"Well, the Slytherin Baths aren't the best in the world, you see... Snape doesn't really care about the tub." Draco replied.  
  
Hermione laughed, 'Greasy Git, greasy tub?"  
  
"Uh-huh." He replied.  
  
"Fine, but can you transfigure my clothes into a bathing suit first? I don't want to do it in the common room because Parvati, Lavender and Ginny will try to hook me up with really tight, push-up stuff." Hermione practically begged.  
  
"Fine." Draco shrugged, transfiguring Hermione's clothes into a bikini.  
  
"Eek!" Hermione squeaked, then exclaimed, "Why a bikini! It's far too revealing!"  
  
Draco sweatdropped, "But it's not even a revealing bikini!"  
  
"Yes it is! I want a scuba diving suit!" Hermione complained.  
  
"No way! Then you'll still be as dirty as before! Just wash and get out! It's not like I care about your body anyhow." Draco stated.  
  
"But you think about it enough to say that so that means you do!" Hermione retorted.  
  
"Just because you're bringing it up! Gods, woman that's the last time I try to do something helpful. I should've just let your idiotic friends deal with your swimsuit." Draco said.  
  
"Fine! I'm sorry." Hermione said irritably, "I would rather wear this then one of their creations. Let's go."  
  
"No, really." Draco said sarcastically, "Hmmm. Let's leave Parkinson here. Everyone goes down or passes these steps!"  
  
"Okay."  
  
With that, Draco dropped Pansy on a step. Then he picked Hermione back up and headed for the Gryffindor Common Room. Unfortunately for Pansy, Draco had dropped her off on a trick step and she fell through it.  
  
***  
  
Hermione said the password and braced herself for any remarks she might receive as Draco walked in. "Children these days, "said the Fat Lady as she let them in, "They should learn more about abstinence."  
  
"What?! It's nothing like that!" Hermione spluttered.  
  
Draco cut her off, "Just let it go. All portraits are weird."  
  
"Yeah, I suppose." Hermione shrugged, "You can let me down now."  
  
Just then, Ginny came passing by along with- you've guessed it- Parvati and Lavender. Draco and Hermione simultaneously said, "Doh!"  
  
"Ooooh! What's going on Hermione?" Lavender asked curiously.  
  
"I'm going to take a bath, what does it look like?" Hermione replied through gritted teeth.  
  
"Oh, I see." Parvati giggled, winking knowingly, "going to spend some quality time with Malfoy then?"  
  
"What?!" Hermione spluttered, "Eew! No!"  
  
"Right." Ginny said slyly.  
  
Hermione flushed with anger and embarrassment, then sighed, "Whatever. Come on Malfoy, move it, or I'm not showering."  
  
Draco just shrugged and stated, "About time. Oh yeah, got soap?"  
  
Hermione nodded, "Yes, but you have to summon it since I don't have my wand on me."  
  
Draco quickly summoned the soap and continued on to the bathroom, Hermione still struggling. Draco picked up the soap and starred at it for a long time. Then he stated dryly, "It's too scented and girly."  
  
"Then summon someone else's soap. I'm still using mine!" Hermione snapped irritably.  
  
"God, Granger, are you pmsing or something?" Draco rolled his eyes.  
  
Hermione gave him an ironic laugh, said "So he knows about that stuff," then stated coldly to Draco, "Well, it's not hard to get mad... I have all the motivation! I'm injured, stuck showering with a greasy git and now he's complaining even though he's the one that insists on showering!!!"  
  
"Well what about me? I'm injured, stuck with a whiny, annoying, loud, buck- toothed Mudblood!" Draco retorted.  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes, "Whatever... hurry the hell up!"  
  
"Fine, I will." Draco replied, "accio unscented soap!"  
  
Finally, the pair was ready to shower. What they didn't know was that about 10 pairs of eyes were watching them, a few trying to match-make and the others in for the gossip and for proof.  
  
"Stop touching me!" Hermione complained, "My wounds are hurting!"  
  
"Oh, would you rather we stay at opposite ends of the tub then??" Draco asked sarcastically.  
  
"YES!!!!" Hermione retorted.  
  
"Fine by me." Draco shrugged, swimming away as the pain intensified.  
  
"OOOW!! Never mind!!" Hermione shouted, swimming back into Draco's arms.  
  
He smirked victoriously at Hermione and started reaching for his soap. Hermione grumbled and grabbed hers. "Stop splashing so much!" Hermione spat.  
  
"Stop splashing so much!" Draco mimicked, splashing more.  
  
"I mean it!" Hermione warned, glaring.  
  
"I mean it! Aww, the poor wittle mud-" Draco started, getting a splash in the face.  
  
"What was that for??" Draco spluttered indignantly.  
  
"For being a jackass and yourself." Hermione shrugged, "Hurry up!"  
  
"I think because of that, I'll bath slower..." Draco smiled innocently.  
  
"No!" Hermione protested.  
  
"Let's bath face to face now... I'm done my front." Draco suggested suddenly.  
  
"Fine." Hermione replied stiffly.  
  
***  
  
"They're straddling each other!" Parvati gasped in a hushed whisper, "Creevey, you got that camera?"  
  
"Yup, why?" He asked.  
  
"To take a picture of Malfoy and Hermione of course." Lavender replied, rolling her eyes.  
  
"But look, she's mad at him and he looks annoyed. I don't really think they like each other." Ginny stated.  
  
"Who cares... Our job as girls from Hogwarts is to spread gossip and stories!" Parvati said proudly, hand over her heart.  
  
"Right..." Ginny said slowly.  
  
***  
  
Hermione leaned back to wash her hair in the water, and was suddenly pushed under by Draco, who was getting sick of her ranting. She burst out of the water and glared at Draco. "I'm going to kill you!" She shouted.  
  
"Sure, go ahead... let's see... you'll be stuck in Azkaban with my dead rotting carcass cos this curse will still remain on us." He shrugged, "But alright... kill me."  
  
Hermione growled in frustration and went back to washing her hair, though still seething. Then she flipped her hair around and whipped Draco in the face, "Hmph."  
  
"What the hell was that for?!" He yelled.  
  
"Dunking me under the water." Hermione replied, crossing her arms.  
  
"I'll get you back... like when you're sleeping and have no way of protecting yourself!" Draco swore.  
  
"Just shut up, will you? I want to finish bathing as soon as possible!" Hermione retorted.  
  
The pair bathed in silence for awhile, until Hermione encountered a problem...  
  
"Um, Malfoy, How am I supposed to wash my privates?" Hermione asked sheepishly.  
  
"With soap, no duh!" He replied, rolling his eyes.  
  
"I'm not letting you see me!" Hermione screeched.  
  
"Trust me, there's nothing to see!" Draco assured her.  
  
"What do you mean by that?!" Hermione shouted, angry, "I do have stuff to see!"  
  
"Merlin help me, I'll never understand girls. First, they don't want you to see them and you assure them they have nothing you want, then they bite your head off for not wanting to see them!" Draco stated desperately.  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes. "It's just how girls are... it's better to say nothing." She replied.  
  
"Ahh, so back to washing privates... I have to wash mine too, so... back to back??" He suggested.  
  
"Fine." Hermione grumbled, "But if you peek, you get an early death!"  
  
"Tempting." Draco joked.  
  
Hermione grabbed a bar of soap and threw it at Draco's head. "Oww!" Draco exclaimed, "I'm going to have a bloody lump there you idiot!"  
  
"Good." Hermione replied sniffily.  
  
A few minutes later...  
  
"Eww, eww EWWW!" Hermione gasped, "Butt cheeks against ferret, EWW!"  
  
"Oh get over it!" Draco rolled his eyes, "It's worse for me!"  
  
"Ahhhg!" Hermione screamed, "My soap! It fell to the bottom of the pool!"  
  
"Haha!" Draco laughed.  
  
"It's not funny!" Hermione retorted, "How are we supposed to get it?!"  
  
"No, no. Not 'we'... you!" Draco replied, smirking.  
  
"No way!" Hermione shrieked, "You'll see me!"  
  
"Put your swim suit back on." He replied, rolling his eyes.  
  
"Fine." Hermione spat, going under the water.  
  
As she was coming up with the soap, Draco smirked, and put a hand on her head, letting her stay under. She was rather close to his crotch so the lovely spectators, were convinced she was doing something other than retrieving soap.  
  
"Oh My God!" Partavi squealed, "She's giving him a-"  
  
"What's going on?" Ron asked blankly.  
  
Lavender whispered in Ron's ears. Ron first turned red with embarrassment, then purple with anger, "WHAT THE HELL?! Her-"  
  
"Leave them!" Parvati hissed, "This'll be the best news since you-know- who!"  
  
"Er... maybe not that good, but I get what you mean.." Ginny replied.  
  
So the group took many pictures of Draco and Hermione to use for their big stories.  
  
Meanwhile, Snape was planing his next move with Draco and Hermione... a little surprise...  
  
A/N: Hey everyone! Sorry updating took so long! I'm sorry, I've sort of lost interest in this fic and I'll still be updating, but not frequently. I'll just have irregular updates, sorry. Well, ciao! 


	14. The Plan and Shoe Polish

Chapter 14: The Plan and Shoe Polish

A/N: Uhh… well, half of this was written awhile ago. The other half is recent. Hopefully, my style of writing hasn't changed TOO much since the last time I wrote a chapter. I think it's become more serious, but I guess your reactions will tell. Please leave a review telling me what you think. I don't know if I should continue this story, discontinue it, or give it up for adoption, so I'd really appreciate your views. I can also be reached via livejournal. The url is green-loofa.livejournal .com/ minus the spaces. I love comments, and I'll friend all so feel free to! ) Anyway, on with the long awaited chapter 14. XD

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Snape had spreadsheets of paper arranged all across his office. To the common observer at first glance, it'd appear that he was simply planning a school event. However, it was his plans for a certain Mr. Malfoy and Miss Granger.

"Hmmm.. in order for this plan to work, I'd have to remove that lovely pain spell… damn. I really liked that spell." Snape muttered to no one in particular, "alright. Fine, I'll remove it.. now all I have to arrange is getting everyone in this exact position for the plan…"

Suddenly Dumbledore burst into Snape's office. "Why hello Severus! And what may I ask are these plans for?" He asked cheerfully, fully aware of what they were.

"Um… they're my plans for.. ummm… er…" Snape started.

"Increased inter-house relations?" Dumbledore inquired.

"Uh, yeah! That's it… inter-house relations… of course.. yeah.." Snape replied absentmindedly.

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. "Is there anything I can do to assist you Severus?" He asked.

"No! I mean.. ummm… arghh! You bastard! You probably know exactly what I'm doing." Snape replied.

"Of course I do Severus. This behavior is conniving and deceitful… and I SUPPORT IT!" Dumbledore beamed, "it really is an excellent plan. I shall help you get everyone in place for your plan."

"R-really!" Snape exclaimed, "Excellent!"

Dumbledore raised an eyebrow but chose not to comment. Snape sure was enthusiastic these days. Oh well. It was better than his evil depressing un-fun self. He still recalled the last time when he proposed to put a huge pink banner in the Slytherin dorms. How dare Sevvie refuse! Oh well. It was all in the past. He noticed that Snape was looking at him expectantly so he cleared his throat and said, "Alright then. When do you require this plan to be in action?"

"Um. How about tomorrow evening? Might as well do all these things at once rather than gradually." Snape replied.

"An excellent idea." Dumbledore agreed, "but I think you should release them now so they don't have quite as much to deal with. You see, Miss Brown and Miss Patil along with a few other Gryffindors thought it'd be good if they took a few…controversial pictures of the pair and they are sure going to have a lot to deal with come tomorrow morning. I assure that you shall be thoroughly amused or grossed-out but I urge you to remove it."

"You mean you knew it was me?" Snape exclaimed.

Dumbledore nodded with a dismissive wave of his hand, "Of course. I have a general idea of everything that goes on within the walls of Hogwarts. I've been quite enjoying the humourous displays of Mr. Malfoy and Miss Granger."

"Hahahaha." Snape laughed dryly, voice dripping with sarcasm, "try being on the receiving end of it."

"Well Severus, there's a reason why you're picked on." Dumbledore stated.

"And what may I ask is that? My charming good looks?" Snape responded.

"No, the way you react. The more you react, the more you're picked on." Dumbledore explained as if it were obvious.

Snape looked as though he'd reached an epiphany, "Oh!…. I see."

Dumbledore chuckled, "Well, I'll leave you to retire for the night now my dear friend."

"Likewise." Snape replied.

Meanwhile, Draco and Hermione slept, unaware that there would be yet again, more chaos the next day.

In the dark of a dark room, voices muttered. "Woah. This picture looks totally hot!"

"…Eww…"

"This one is mostly of Hermione's hair."

"Make me doubles of that one!"

"Hey! Let's make a banner with these pictures to wallpaper the Great Hall!"

"This is just disgusting."

Hermione woke up first, to find herself curled up in Malfoy's arms. She was surprised at the peacefulness in his face and found herself smiling at it. As she reached over to brush a strand of hair out of his face, he leaned into her touch, sighing.

Then suddenly he jolted awake. Both felt a strange tingling sensation.

"Did you feel that?" Hermione asked, looking at Draco thoughtfully.

"What do you mean?" Draco replied.

"A tingling sensation." Hermione explained.

"Oh, I merely thought it was an ominous feeling or something." Draco replied, yawning sophisticatedly.

Hermione laughed, "Only you."

"What?" Draco demanded.

"Only you can wake up, like that. Most people are totally groggy and tend to either throw pillows or use them to block out the sound of their alarm clocks. I guess we DO have something in common." Hermione grinned, "anyway, I gotta pee."

Suddenly, she froze and shrieked with glee. Draco looked mortified, "What is it?"

Hermione dashed up to Draco and hugged him, "Look!" She exclaimed, running across the dormitory.

Draco just shrugged about to repeat his phrase when it hit him. "We're free!" He exclaimed gleefully, doing a sort of happy dance which Hermione joined in on, "We're free! That's the way, uh huh, uh huh, I like it."

"Alright. Let's go to breakfast! Separately!" Hermione exclaimed, taking Draco's hand (out of habit) and rushing down the stairs and out the portrait hole.

Snape let out a sigh of relief, a look of horror plastered on his face. Granger and Malfoy had almost bowled him over as they ran out of the common room. Thank god for invisibility charms and his quick reflexes. Unfortunately for Mr. Malfoy and Miss Granger….

"Hey Harry! Hey Ron…. HOLY HELL!" Hermione shrieked.

"Hey Crabbe. Hey Goyle… BLOODY HELL!" Draco yelled in a similar manner to Hermione.

There were suggestive photos of the two blown up and plastered all over the Great Hall. Most of them were of them in the bathtub although there were still a few of them just close to each other. Under each blown up pictures there were captions in bold, each completely untrue.

Hermione was studying one of the pictures, her moving closer to Draco glaring. The caption read – no! You're not hitting the right spot! Ooh. That's better.

Despite themselves, both Draco and Hermione found themselves feeling peeved but also, to their utter horror, longing each other in a way that was entirely sexual. Both muttered "Shit" simultaneously and left in opposite directions before anyone could comment.

Dumbledore and Snape smirked at each other and started their commencement on Snape's plan. Dumbledore cleared his throat and put a sonorous charm on himself. He waited until he was sure both Draco and Hermione were far away enough that they wouldn't hear his announcement and then boomed, "GOOD MORNING! PROFESSOR SNAPE AND I WILL NEED THE GREAT HALL TODAY, AS WELL AS THE AID OF SEVERAL TEACHERS. WE WILL ALSO NEED THE HELP OF SOME OF THE STUDENTS. THAT BEING SAID, I'D LIKE TO ANNOUNCE--WOAH!"

Dumbledore's arm was suddenly pulled by Snape, who hissed something at him with an utter sense of urgency.

"I HAVE JUST BEEN INFORMED THAT MY VOICE SOUNDS LIKE A MALE BANSHEE AND IS HURTING YOUR EARS, SO I SHALL CONTINUE IN MY NORMAL TONE OF VOICE. I APOLOGIZE." Dumbledore boomed, taking the sonorous charm off, "All students except for those on this list, are free to go do whatever they want for the day, but stay out of the Great Hall. Have a wonderful day students!"

Confusedly, the students chosen to stay headed towards the front of the Great Hall, wondering what the headmaster had in mind. "Now. I shall be assigning roles to all of you individually." Dumbledore told the confused students, "all shall be revealed in due time."

"Psst! What do you reckon Dumbledore needs us for?" Ron hissed to Harry.

"Dunno…I guess we'll find out soon." He replied.

"Miss Weasley, Miss Patil, Miss Brown, Miss Patil… if you'd follow me for a moment." Dumbledore called.

The four girls shrugged and followed Dumbledore only to be given a most peculiar set of instructions.

"Ladies, your job is of utmost importance. You are to go to Hogsmeade and purchase decorations of an extreme romantic variety. When asked, do not answer that it is a mission that you are doing for me. Do you understand? It is absolutely necessary for you to buy items that are romantic. So romantic that they may appear even too romantic for you!" Dumbledore said solemnly.

"Erm, sure Professor. But why do we need all of this?" Padma asked curiously.

"Can't we just transfigure the Hall like we do at the end of the year ceremony?" Ginny asked suspiciously.

"We will, but I would also like some genuine decorations to use as a model, as to what additions I'll make with magic afterwards." Dumbledore responded.

"Are we going to be having another ball?" Lavender squealed with excitement.

"No, all will be revealed in due time. But for now, I shall give you this money," Dumbledore said, handing the four girls a small pouch of money, "and let you be on your way. Tell no one that it is for me! And most importantly, do NOT choose decorations that clash with each other. We want sickly romantic décor that will transform the Great Hall into a hall of love!"

Harry and Ron watched the confusion on the girls' faces. As the other students were called, their faces were also left rather puzzled; some looking as though they thought Dumbledore had gone insane!

Finally, Ron was called along with a few Ravenclaws, a few Slytherins and once Hufflepuff. Harry watched as Ron's face portrayed the same emotions that all the others had. Then Ron shrugged and walked back over to Harry.

"What'd he say?" Harry asked.

"Oh. We're the potions crew. We're going to be brewing potions all day. Funny thing is, we're brewing love potions, aphrodisiacs and stuff." Ron said, wrinkling his nose.

"What! Why!" Harry demanded.

"He said that it would all be revealed later. I swear, he's gone nutters!" Ron said, looking scared, "d-d'you think that maybe… m-maybe…"

"Hmmm? What?" Harry asked reassuringly.

"M-maybe… Dumbledore's in love and wants us to help him out!" Ron suggested.

Harry let out a laugh. "With who? McGonagall? SNAPE! Hooch?" Harry scoffed, "I don't think so."

"Yeah, but you can totally see it happening, can't you? I know I can! Dumbledore, dancing around in frilly pantaloons, singing love songs to McGonagall as she blushed delicately. Dumbledore with a ukulele, stroking McGonagall's cheek, flirting." Ron's face grew increasingly horrified as he told Harry of the scenario he was thinking of to the point where he looked as though he'd seen a ghost.

"Ok Ron, EW! Too much imagination there, mate. Ugh. But yeah, I know what you mean. Or Snape and Dumbledore. I can imagine a ton of bondage there." Harry mused, laughing "Both in leather, handcuffed to the bedpost, Dumbledore with his wrinkly balls. Bet you he has an erectile dysfunction though. Probably can't get it up anymore, what, being over 150 years old?"

"And you say MY mind is too imaginative?" Ron questioned, "Harry, Dumbledore's just called you."

"Oh right. I'll be right back then." Harry replied, heading towards the Headmaster.

"Hello Harry. Do you notice how you are not in any specific group?" Dumbledore inquired, his eyes twinkling madly.

"Er, yeah. Why is that?" Harry asked nervously.

"Well my boy, I'm glad you asked. I have a very important job for you." Dumbledore paused, for dramatic effect.

"Yes?" Harry asked.

"I want you to follow Mr. Malfoy." Dumbledore started.

"He's a death eater, isn't he?" Harry stated darkly, "that bastard!"

"Oh no Harry. Not at all. My intentions aren't nearly that dark. No, my boy. I want you to go and attempt to woo Mr. Malfoy." Dumbledore informed Harry.

"You what!" Harry exclaimed.

"I would like for you to attempt to romance Mr. Malfoy." Dumbledore repeated.

"WHY!" Harry demanded, in obvious distress, "I'm not gay! And I'm not attracted to Malfoy. I hate him actually, in case you haven't noticed. Have you completely lost your mind!"

"Oh no my dear boy. However, the author of this fanfic, clearly has. She has control over us." Dumbledore told Harry gravely.

Dumbledore leaned into Harry and kissed his lips. Harry pushed Dumbledore away, looking absolutely mortified.

"See? She has TOTAL control." Dumbledore stated.

"What! The! Fuck!" Harry exploded angrily, "You're a perverted creep!"

"No!" Dumbledore protested desperately, "I'm not a perv! I admit, I DO check out Miss Weasley's behind occasionally and I find Miss Granger exceedingly alluring, but I'm NOT a perv! It's the author! She's doing it! Her and her stupid OOC fic!"

"Who is 'she' and what's a fanfic? And what's OOC? I don't believe that for a second!" Harry argued firmly.

"She? Why she's Draco-Malfoy-Severus-Luva a.k.a. DMSL. She's a Draco/Hermione writer who's turned to the dark side of slash! She now adores Draco/Harry! And she's obsessed with Brokeback Mountain!" Dumbledore explained.

"What! Ewww. I'd never like Malfoy… although… his blonde hair is so lovely… and NO!" Harry shouted, fighting the air, "I am NOT attracted to Malfoy! This is a DM/HG fic DMSL you PERV. And what's Brokeback?"

"It's a movie about gay cowboys. It's a wonderful movie." Dumbledore responded, although he had no clue what it was but was just saying whatever words were put into his mouth.

"Oh." Harry responded, "so what do you really want me to do?"

"Just stalk Mr. Malfoy. It's good practice for Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, seeing as how you'll become 'increasingly obsessed with Draco Malfoy'." Dumbledore shrugged.

"WHAT!" Harry exclaimed.

Dumbledore just shrugged. As did Harry, "I suppose just keep Mr. Malfoy and Miss Granger busy all day, away from the Great Hall. And hit on Mr. Malfoy. I would like to see if there's any attraction between Mr. Malfoy and Miss Granger."

"Uhh… okay. But I'm NOT gay!" Harry argued.

"And I'm not the Headmaster." Dumbledore responded cheerfully, "now off you go!"

Meanwhile, Draco and Hermione were waiting patiently at the end of the Great Hall.

"I wonder what Dumbledore's talking to all of those people about." Draco pondered.

"I don't know, but judging by their faces, he's asking them to do something quite weird." Hermione replied.

"Oh. My. God. Look!" Draco pointed gleefully, looking as though Christmas had come early.

Hermione's jaw dropped. "I-is Professor Dumbledore s-snogging Harry!" She sputtered in disbelief.

"Yeah." Draco supplied cheerfully, clearly enjoying Potter's suffering, "look how scared Potter looks!"

"Poor Harry!" Hermione sympathized, "I wonder why Dumbledore's doing that though. Is it some sort of code?"

"You mean the nerdy Granger doesn't know the answer for once?" Draco teased in mock surprise, "isn't it obvious?"

"No. Why? Do YOU know why they're snogging?" Hermione asked.

"Yeah. Number one, Potter's a horny gay pervert. Number two, Dumbledore's a horny, gay perverted, pedophilic old geezer." Draco replied, "so obviously, they're meant to be together. They're like soul mates!"

Hermione was highly disturbed. "I don't think so Malfoy. You're wrong. Ugh. Well, they've pulled apart. I guess we'll just ask Harry later."

"No. You'll ask. I'll taunt." Draco replied, grinning maliciously, "Hey look! Potter's coming towards us. We can ask now."

Harry was indeed strolling towards the pair, with a frown marring his features.

"Hey Harry. What was that all about with Dumbledore?" Hermione asked in concern.

"I have no idea. Something about a crazy author, DMSL." Harry replied.

"Potter, I bet you enjoyed that kiss." Draco taunted, leering at Harry.

Harry grimaced, then forced a flirty smile. "Not as much as I'd enjoy kissing you… _Draco._" Harry replied, leaning into Draco's personal space.

Draco leapt backwards as though he'd been scalded. "Stay back Potter!" He warned, eyes glinting in panic, "I have a wand and I'm not afraid to use it!"

"Ooh, a wand you say… is it long, baby?" Harry grinned, not knowing why he was acting that way.

Suddenly, a high pitched shriek was heard as Pansy came running to Draco's defense. "AIEEEEEEE" She screamed, sounding like a mixture of Tarzan and Xena the Warrior Princess, "Don't worry Drakie, I'm here to save you!"

She grabbed Draco possessively and pulled him away from Harry, cooing, "I'm here baby, don't worry about that Potter. He'll NEVER turn you gay!"

Pansy attached herself to a struggling Draco's lips and tried to deepen the kiss. She shoved her tongue into Draco's mouth when he gasped in shock. Hermione didn't know why, but she suddenly saw red. She glared angrily at Pansy and cast a hex at the girl. Suddenly, Pansy began to breakdance uncontrollably.

"Drakie nooo! I mustn't be drifted away from you! I shall… breakdance back to you! I love you and will always be yours and yours only! I-" Pansy was cut off as she suddenly sprouted a very dense beard.

The beard was black and very thick. Somehow, it managed to shut her large mouth too. The silent, bearded Pansy drifted away, breakdancing all the while, finally stopping when she danced into a pile of steel sheets, which coincidentally, toppled over onto her, "Ahhghh!"

Hermione let out a snort of grim satisfaction, before frowning. Why had she done that? She wasn't the owner of Draco. But yet, she felt.. jealous. No. She wasn't jealous. She didn't like Malfoy. But… those eyes! Those beautiful, piercing eyes! No! He was a prude and an ass. But his body was sculpted and just begged to be worshipped. And his hair! Where to start. His hair epitomized perfection. NO!

Hermione shook her head. She was NOT attracted to Malfoy. He was NOT hot.

Draco watched Hermione's facial expressions with an amused look. She seemed to be having an inner struggle. Her face went from dreamy, to angry, to frustrated, to dreamy, to frustrated and back again. He grinned slightly, at her cute display of emotion. Wait a minute. Did he just call the Mudblood CUTE? No. He didn't. He didn't even like her. But she was so fun to be around despite her background. And you had to admit, she COULD dress up and look pretty decent. Draco shook his head. No. That was forbidden. He was NOT attracted to Hermione.

Harry broke the silence, clearing his throat awkwardly and strangely like Umbridge's, "Hem, hem."

"What?" Draco snapped irritably, his mask back in place.

"Erm. About that flirting. Uh, I don't know why I did that." Harry grinned sheepishly.

"Well I think that's quite obvious. I'm gorgeous, so it's only natural, of course, for you to be attracted to me. I bet you that you're secretly filled with undying devotion for me." Draco responded haughtily, hoping that the normal Potter would stay.

Unfortunately, Harry's demeanor suddenly changed as though he'd been imperioed. He was suddenly looking at Draco hungrily, "Draco baby, wanna shag?"

"Hell no Potter. In your dreams!" Draco snarled.

"Oh but I do dream Draco. I dream about you every night, in my bed. Don't you want to ride my broomstick?" Harry purred.

"No Harry. He doesn't. What's wrong with you today?" Hermione demanded, stepping between Draco and Harry.

"I-I don't know. I can't seem to control myself." Harry said in a panicked voice.

"Well this is a Draco/Hermione story so YOU'RE either supposed to be single, shagging that annoying Weasley brat, shagging Chang or not shagging anyone!" Draco retorted, "so go find someone else to shag. I REFUSE to be deflowered by you!"

"And I refuse to let you deflower him!" Hermione added, glaring at Harry for some reason unknown to her.

"Why are you so concerned Herm?" Harry asked, brows furrowed in confusion.

"I'm not." Hermione blushed in denial, frowning, "But think about it Harry. It's Malfoy. Draco bloody Malfoy, the guy we dislike and who dislikes us."

"Oh right. Yeah. He's an ass." Harry agreed wholeheartedly, drooling, "A nice ass."

"Yea-No!" Hermione exclaimed, "he's our enemy who likes to torture us and we like to torture him!"

"With whips, handcuffs, whipped cream and bondage?" Harry grinned enthusiastically, licking his lips.

"No! With pain, suffering and humiliation!" Hermione all but screamed.

"We can humiliate him by making him be the bottom in sex!" Harry replied.

"No! No sex with Draco Malfoy! He's NOT yours!" Hermione shouted.

"Oh, so he's yours?" Harry challenged.

"Uh, excuse me, I'm STILL HERE." Draco cut in, rolling his eyes.

"Oh I'm sorry Draco, darling, were we neglecting you? Let me make it up to you. We'll have make-up sex!" Harry grinned, sauntering over to Draco.

"NO!" Hermione and Draco snarled in unison.

"Okay Potter, look. I'm NOT gay. I'd rather fuck fucking Parkinson than you." Draco paused, grimacing, "okay, maybe not Parkinson, but I'd rather fuck Granger than you. So stop trying to seduce me!"

"I'm not. I can't control myself Malfoy. It's the stupid author." Harry shrugged, completely normal again.

"ARGH! What are you bloody talking about? Stop blaming it on nonexistent dumbass authors! She does NOT exist and if she does, she's probably a bloody troll!" Draco burst.

Harry suddenly burst out laughing.

"What?" Draco snarled.

"You shouldn't diss the all powerful DMSL." Harry laughed, conjuring a mirror.

"Give me that." Draco snapped snatching the mirror from Harry.

Draco's jaw dropped. His beautiful hair… it was gone! It'd been replaced with a horrid bright pink Mohawk. "M-my beautiful hair!" He cried out in anguish, "Nooooo!"

Hermione laughed, "I think it's better looking now. Maybe add a few piercings and wear some leather and you'll be the perfect gothic-emo poof."

"A what?" Draco demanded.

"Never mind. It's part of muggle culture." Hermione explained, "beg me and I'll charm it back for you."

"Never." Draco retorted, "I'll do it myself."

Draco brandished his wand and muttered the counter-spell. Nothing happened.

"Why isn't it working!" He growled.

"Cos that's the wrong counter-spell." Hermione replied, smirking.

Draco tried several more counter spells before he hissed, "What's the counter spell!"

"Not until you beg me." Hermione grinned.

"Never!" Draco exclaimed stubbornly.

"Suit yourself." Hermione shrugged.

"…"

Hermione just smiled serenely, waiting for the begging that she knew would ensue moments later. And it did. As if on cue, Draco suddenly began to beg, "Please Granger, PLEASE. Remove this ruddy mohawk from my head! I beg of you! PLEASE."

Hermione just shook her head and said, "Too bad Malfoy, the stakes have been raised now. If you want the spell removed you now have to polish my shoes and tell me how great it is to have that privilege."

"Never!" Draco immediately argued.

Harry grinned from behind Draco and gave Hermione a thumbs up. Hermione laughed and said, "I'm waiting."

Draco just glared menacingly at Hermione. "Hmmph. I'd rather just have this hair thanks."

"But what if all your friends see it?" Hermione argued, smirking.

"They won't!" Draco insisted.

"Oh yeah? Why not?" Hermione challenged.

"Because… I won't be in the Great Hall. I'll be in… an empty classroom!" Draco replied, rushing out of the Great Hall and into the safety of an empty classroom.

Hermione followed him, grinning. She'd make him polish her shoes yet. Harry was nowhere to be seen and seemed to have wondered off to find Ron.

Draco glared at Hermione as she entered.

"My offer still stands Malfoy. Polish my shoes and I'll reverse the spell." Hermione grinned.

"No!" Draco protested.

"You know you want to." Hermione taunted.

"Never!" Draco retorted.

"Alright, but what about when you have classes?"

"No! Never! Non! No way!" Draco shouted.

Hermione just smiled.

"Okay, okay fine!" Draco gave up, "I'll polish your bloody shoes, but you'd better take the spell off!"

"Okay, fine." Hermione agreed, motioning to her feet, "polish!"

"I don't have anything to polish them with." Draco replied, with gritted teeth.

"That can be arranged, no worries." Hermione grinned, conjuring a rag and some shoe polish out of thin air.

Draco grabbed both and knelt down, dipping the rag into shoe polish. Hermione held out her foot and Draco began to work, brow furrowing in concentration. Strangely, he found himself not minding polishing her shoes. Draco unconsciously began to rub Hermione's ankle a bit, massaging it as he polished. He didn't notice it though. His mind was focused on other things. Like why he wasn't minding this punishment.

Hermione watched Draco as he polished her shoe. His face was concentrated on the task, no animosity showing. She was surprised as her body reacted to it. She suddenly felt rather warm and wanted to get out of the situation. Draco was holding her ankle softly in one hand and polishing with the other and it was making her uneasy. Then he began to massage her ankles. "Uh, Malfoy?" Hermione inquired softly.

"Yeah?" He replied, halting his movements.

"I-uh." Hermione started.

"What?" He demanded.

"Never mind. I'll undo your hair now, if you want." She replied, blushing.

"Good." Malfoy responded, "I don't want a single hair to be different from how it was before."

Hermione laughed, "Of course."

Hermione did the counter-spell and his hair was instantly normal again. "You're welcome." She laughed as Draco rushed to a mirror to check his hair frantically.

"Yes! My beautiful hair! It's back!" Draco exclaimed triumphantly.

"No really?" Hermione replied sarcastically.

"Ha." Draco said dryly, "ha."

Hermione was contemplating what to say when Filch suddenly burst into the room. "Draco my love! There you are! I've been thinking about you all day!" He exclaimed, "I just can't get you out of my head! Boy, your loving is all I think about! Everyday! Every night! Just to be there, in your arms!"

"Hmmm… that sounds vaguely familiar." Hermione mused.

"Oh no! Not you!" Draco paled as Filch advanced, "Save me Granger!"

"Kylie Minogue!" Hermione exclaimed, unaware of Draco's panic.

"Ahhghh! Help! He's trying to kiss me!" Draco screamed.

"Don't worry Malfoy! I'll save you!" Hermione shouted, pausing, "After I watch you suffer for a few more moments."

"Granger!" Draco howled, as Filch swooped down to kiss him.

"Okay. Moment's done. Petrificus Totalus!" Hermione bellowed.

Filch went rigid, his lips still puckered. His eyes still danced with love, and his face was left, distorted, as though he was maniacally trying to make out with someone.

Draco looked as though he'd be scarred for life. "Granger, you almost let me be molested!" Draco whimpered in horrified awe.

"Psh. As if. I just let you think that." Hermione winked, "You alright?"

"Yeah. Just peachy." Draco glared.

"Good." Hermione grinned.

Meanwhile, Dumbledore and Snape were overlooking the redecoration of the Great Hall. The girls had arrived back with an assortment of romantic decorations and the potions were nearly brewed. Now, all they had to do was charm the hall with the proper spellwork, and they would be ready to rock Mr. Malfoy and Miss Granger's world.

A/N: Hi again. Hope this chapter was okay. looks very sheepish… I'm sorry if it's very different from what I used to write, but I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless. Please review with your feedback and honest opinion. P I'm open to suggestions. To be honest, my heart's not totally into writing this anymore, but I will write if you insist via. reviews or comments on my live journal. Once again, my livejournal is green-loofa. livejournal. com/ minus the spaces. Please visit there and feel free to comment. I warn you in advance, my journal has several slashy pictures so beware. Oh, and you can also just click on my fanfiction profile's homepage. P

Anyway, reasons I haven't updated this in AGES:

I forgot about it due to the immense amount of homework I had at the time

Lost interest in Draco/Hermione… I'm now a Draco/Harry shipper… I'm a total slasher. Lol, sorry. XD

No motivation to write this

My sense of humour changed

Didn't know how to end this… writer's block

I'm totally lazy

Hmmm, what else do I have to say? Well, does anyone want any specific scene to occur? I'd love to hear some suggestions because I can easily incorporate them into the next chapter. I'm not sure what I'm going to do in the next chapter, but I have ammunition in the form of love potions, romantic décor, and the genius of Snape and Dumbledore, so feel free to suggest! I'll write as much of what you suggest as I can as long as they do not conflict with each other. P

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I tried to make it longer to make up for the time I haven't written in, and build more of an attraction between Draco and Hermione so I hope it fits. I'm not sure what I wrote in previous chapters, so it may conflict with the timeline of the story, so tell me if it does and I'll modify it. Review and/or comment my livejournal! ) I look forward to hearing from you!

I was told that the kiss that Draco and Hermione shared was a little too quick so I'll try to slow it down although the potions and romantic setting may lower their inhibitions in the next chapter. Lol. Tell me if I should change the rating to M.

Alright, I hope to hear from you all, and I'll try to update soon again! I await you're onslaught of criticism/praise. XD

-DMSL/loofa P

(green-loofa.livejournal .com) XD

ETA: I'm so sorry. Several of you seem to be confused and think I'm turning this story into a Draco/Harry. clears throat THIS STORY WILL DEFINITELY STAY DRACO/HERMIONE! LOL. I wouldn't just change the plot so it fits with my new tastes. There will also be no more of my strange Draco/Harry ness. I was at a loss as to how to make Draco and Hermione connect, so I decided to use Harry as a tool to help it along. Hehe. Sorry. Won't happen again. Will keep it to the insane Filch, and Pansy-torturing you seem to love. XD


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